About Me
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Heidi..'s gift to Kate
- Get Your Own
The half of a car you're looking at above belonged to me, Keith. During the crash that stole my 19 year old life I was thrust into that back seat you don't see there and the roof collapsed like a ton of bricks onto my skull crushing it like a watermelon splattered against a wall. Graphic, huh?
Too many young adults frequent this site, and it's time you people sit up and realize what REALLY killed me! Too much partying, not enough sleep and not paying attention to the road I was driving on! It's that simple really. WAKE UP! TAKE NOTICE TO ME AND TO YOURSELVES!
You need to know what my mom and my little brother, Jesse, viewed on the funeral home gurney after my accident. As the person that my mom is she had to view me to make my death real to her. Jesse said he wanted to view me too. Mom spoke with him briefly and deeply, and said yes, but that he had to wait outside until she had the bag opened and then she'd bring him in. She went in. When she had the bag entirely unzippered, she had to catch her breath. Nothing in her ten years of nursing could have prepared her for this. There lay her beautiful, blond haired, blue eyed son with his skull comminuted in fracture throughout the right side, the brain exposed and avulsed (that meant broken and scattered all over the body bag). She followed with her eyes down my entire body finding all else relatively intact, except for my abdomen, again on the right side which was lanced and disemboweled. At this point, Jesse just walked in. She wanted to say that she told him she'd come get him, but didn’t. He just looked amazed, wide eyed and aghast. And then he turned and walked out. She stayed another few moments. She had to lift my head to see what was on the other side. There was a semblance of a face in disarray. But, she could recognize something of me. Where there was no eye on the right, she could see my bright blue eye on the left for the last time in her world. Then, for the last time also, she kissed her baby on his full, cold, lifeless lips embedded with sand and glass. She said, “Goodbye lovey, I love you always.†That was it.
So, there you are. That's where partying, wrong decision making and driving get you...dead and your mother picking up and viewing your dead pieces with your little brother. Is that how you want it? Do you really want that kind of drama? I'm one of those who believe you get to see it all from the other side. But, what do you think you're thinking from the other side when it's all so permanent? Are ya thinkin', "awe look they're missin' me...guess I'll go back now". Well, there ain't no "goinin' back". This is permanent..it's it. Bite the big one; push up the daisies; give it to the Reaper; croak; make the big leap; whatever. You're dead, stone-cold-dead. And, dead is never pretty. Many times when you die, you shit your pants. Did you know that? Cruel hard facts, babe. Of recent days I've felt compelled to write you guys about this subject. I had all this out here on my profile page, but the page loaded too slow. I've since had my mom move it to my DWI Informational Blog above. Please review it above. You never know when it will be your last chance....Keith
HOT Myspace LayoutsDear All My Family and Friends,
I will remember you
You will remember me
Don't let your life pass you by
Grieve not for the memories.
Love,
Keith
.."Why ", he asked, "must the Poet die?.." She replied, "That the rest of us might value life more.."...Virginia Wolfe ......"And, so must the Artist.."...Kate Smeland Pebler, His Mom
A few words from Mom: Keith James Pebler, Jr., who we all know simply as Keith, died suddenly to all of us in a car crash August 17th, 2006. He was just 19 and a new high school graduate.
He was a talented sketch artist, a great friend, listener, entertainer, jokester and adviser. As of this writing we're moving into the third month since he died and broke our hearts. We're all still on the mend, but we are mending. We're progressing toward acceptance, yet its a long progression, a long prossession. We can't go over it. We can't go around it. We can't go under it. We must go through it. There are no short cuts to grief.
Grief is not something we're taught in school in Health Class along with parenting and birth control. I think it should be. Death and dying is as much apart of our lives as birthing babys and conceiving them. When the time comes to deal with death, nobody knows quite how they should proceed. They're at a loss of what to say to the grieving ones, what are they themselves supposed to be feeling as a friend, what are the rules of ettiquette, how should I act, a million questions.
When all the services are over and everyone goes back to their day to day world, do you call the family to say hello or should you leave them alone? Do they want to be alone? Most likely not. Most likely they're lonely and aching to talk about their loved one to anyone who'll listen. But, most people just don't feel comfortable about doing that because it's just not our culture to talk about the dead. We're not taught that. It's as if our memories and conversations are supposed to have been buried in the ground with the coffin.
So, I challenge all of you to experiment in speaking. Talk about Kieth and, if you knew Chris Batcher, talk about him to his mother and Chris' friends and share stories about him and Kieth. Go to my blog and post those stories about him that make you giggle inside so we can all share them and giggle with you. Let's stop crying and missing him for a moment and maybe share a laugh with him for a time. Laughter is a medicinal healer you know.
Update: New years Day 2007. I've found peace in my spirit and inner being in the knowledge that Keith is now a magnificant being full of light and omnipotence. He's along side me, within me, above me, with others, within others and so many other places all at the same time. He has no limits I can know of now. His spacial awareness is undefined and unfathomable to me in my earthly form. The shell of him that I saw at the funeral parlor after his accident was only that, the last of his earthly form. When he crashed his spirit was released as a bird is newly released from the shell that held it to live a new and fresh life. Keith is brand new and living a parallel life to us perfecting his talents while protecting us as we attempt to perfect ours.
I still cry every so often because I ache to see his face, kiss his lips and hug his body. But, that's the earthly want and need in me. The spiritual aspect of me is satisfied and content with him with me. I actually feel his presence 24 hours a day seven days a week. He even aids in my daily and yearly path and planning. Helps with my decision making processes, together with my Divine Power and Spirit God. I write this to all of you to bring you hope. If I, being Keith's mother, can find such peace this short time after his death, perhaps you can find your way to the same kind of peace, serenity and hope also as his friends. Feel free to stop over or message me to chat about it. I have the new Myspace Instant Messenger to chat ... I'll always give you my phone number if I know you too. Peace, love and white light,
Kate
I edited my profile at Mywebpower.com , check out these Myspace Layouts!
The video above is one my stepgranddaughter Chelsea took of Keith and Jesse about a month before Keith died. It's the only footage we have on him as a man. Just click on it and it will start.
