Abby {♥'s chaos.} profile picture

Abby {♥'s chaos.}

Fingrite!!!

About Me

http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quizpage.php?quizname=0702211 92428-799246&
Keep in mind on number nine that I'm gay and I clicked the wrong button. So click a different answer.
Oh yeah, and who decided that they are Jesus H. Christ, because they're gay.
I have voices inside my head too.
Except they aren't my friends like yours are.
My voices constantly remind me
Of all that's wrong with me
And what I'm not
And never will be.
FACT:
--I am THE ABZ.
--I turned sixteen on September 5th.
--I am lefthanded.
--Lefties rock the world.
--I don't care if you don't think I'm unique.
--I'm a Junior at Fox High School.
--I fall for guys I can't have.
--I fall constantly.
--I've fallen for someone knew.
--I think he really might like me.
--I really hope so because I'd really like that.
--I wish I was in Wonderland.
--I would fit in so much better there.
--There... it's normal to be odd.
--I want a Chesire Cat.
--I don't believe in God.
--Spending money physically hurts me.
--Every time I buy gas, I die a little.
--It really bothers me when people disable the "online now!" thing with their name. Why don't they want me to know when they're online?
--I'm on Accutane.
--Accutane causes severe despression.
--I'm in four honors/AP classes, band, choir, and Espanol III, which is also a 5 point class.
--I act differently, depending on who I'm around.
--My hair always starts out a dark purplish, burgandy color and always fades to a somewhat pretty lighter-than-purple red color.
--I'm overly stressed.
--I can potentially get along with almost anybody.
--Except for my exboyfriend.
--His cockiness and completely disregard for opinions that aren't his bugs me.
--Your face.
--I am afraid to grow up.
--Confusion is my greatest adversary.
--So I don't mind confusing other people.
--That way I'm not alone.
--I'm pretty sure I suffer from paranoia.
--Pretty bad sometimes.
--I want to get my right eyebrow pierced.
--I also want to pierce my lip for real.
--But I play saxophone so that would be a problem.
--I've become a great procrastinator in the past couple years.
--Number seven is the number I love the most.
--I have a '92 Cavalier Convertible.
--Despite the shiiitty gas mileage and the leaky roof and the window and lock motor issues, I love my car and think it's the greatest thing since sliced cheese.
--My car is a manual, and I am amazing.
--I have my intermediate driver's license.
--I can officially drive with as many people as I want in my car.
--I'm not allowed to drive to the City Museum because I might get shot.
--I am 5'7''.
--I weigh 130 pounds. Yeah, I know I'm fat.
--Softball is amazing.
--I'm a lefthanded pitcher/first baseman.
--I play the bass guitar (lefthanded, of course).
--I play the electric guitar, but kind of suck because I never pick it up. I like acoustic better.
--I've been playing the tenor sax since last concert band season... a little over a year.
--I hate marching band.
--I love symphonic band.
--I like concert choir/chamber choir a whole lot more than band.
--My favorite key is D minor.
--I wish I was in jazz band.
--I have secrets that I may never share with anyone.
--Most people would not understand.
--If you think you know everything about me, you're incorrect.
--I always call my self amazing, but the majority of the time, I don't believe it.
--I don't believe in myself.
--I wish I was able to believe in God.
--I have a hard time truly believing in anything or anybody.
--I'm sure I am very overly dramatic.
--I don't actually care.
--I am overly stressed.
--I want a relationship.
--My mood changes on a dime.
--I can't stand when people asked what's up or how you are when they really aren't interested in what you have to say.
--I less than three Kaci Barger.
--Kaci Barger is the coolest cousin ever.
--If you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there is a 90% probability that you will get it wrong.
--I have horribly low self-esteem.
--My eyes are lovely.
--I love taking pictures now.
--I love editting them in Photoshop.
--I'm a camera whore.
--I thoroughly enjoy seeing New Messages! or New Picture Comments! Who doesn't?
--I adore puzzle/logic games that require a little thinking. It's so much more rewarding that way.
--Like Hanjie omg.
--Bad people are punished by man's law.
--Good people are punished by Murphy's law.
--I have an immense amount of hatred for myself.
--I eat sugar packets when I'm really hungry and waiting for food.
--Pixie sticks make my teeth hurt.
--I have trouble drinking anything without spilling it on myself.
--It's a good thing I only drink water.
--Typing in anything other than single spacing drives me crazy, so I double space after I'm done.
--I am the kind of girl who needs a relationship to be happy.
--My biggest pet peeve is people typing without capitalization and punctuation, and making constant spelling errors or using shorthands like "u." Is it really that difficult to type "you"? If you do this, I have a desire to destroy you.
--I love Green Day, so shut your face.
--I --My top three people are really actually tied.
--Brandon and I have an agreement to be each other's second person for all of time.
--I have a special space that means something special.
--I don't have many friends.
--The ones I have are lovely though. =]
--I love them all to death.
--Especially ... Kaci - mi esposa, Becca - Jaimee - Miles - Zakk.
--My adopted family is THE BEST! [Amanda Marty, Amber Russo, Kyle Hall] I love you guys!
--I'm dying for attention.
--My Stl Punk page was the best one.
--I never deleted it: Hidden Messages.
--I editted it about a month ago.
--I may edit it some more.
--I umpire baseball and softball at AAA.
--I'm an employee of Ponde-gross-a.
--If I don't quit soon, I will kill somebody.
--I'm quitting as soon as umpiring starts.
--I steal food from work.
--Cookies, cauliflower, cantaloupe, rolls, chicken, cream of broccoli soup, ya know, whatever sounds good.
--I actually like school.
--Except AP American History with Hoffman.
--I like math, but I don't enjoy Mr. Oster, so I don't enjoy Precalc.
--And I actually enjoy reading.
--And chemistry. =]
--I'm awesome.
--And you know it.
--The above is a proven fact.
from Self-Reliance
Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried. Not for his one face, one character, one fact makes much impression on him, and another none. This sculpture in the memory is not without preestablished harmony. The eye was placed where one ray should fall, that it might testify of that particular ray. We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents. It may be safely trusted as proportionate and of good issues, so it be faithfully imparted, but God will not have his work made manifest by cowards. A man is relieved and gay when he has said or done otherwise, shall give him no peace. It is a deliverance which does not deliver. In the attempt his genius deserts him; no muse befriends; no invention, no hope.
Trust thyself; every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine providence has found for you; the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events. Great men have always done so and confided themselves childlike to the genuis of their age, betraying their perception that the absolutely trustworthy was stirring at their heart, working through their hands, predominating in all their being. And we are now men, and must accept in the highest mind the same transcendent destiny; and not minors and invalids in a protected corner, but guides, redeemers, and benefactors. Obeying the Almighty effort and advancing on choas and the Dark...
Society everywhere is in conspiracy against the manhood of every one of its members. Society is a joint-stock company in which the members agree for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater. The virtue in most request is conformity. Self-reliance is its aversion. It loves not realities and creators, but names and customs.
Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. He who would gather immortal palms must not be hindered by the name of goodness, but must explore if it be goodness. Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind. Absolve you to yourself, and you shall have the suffrage of the world...
A foolish consistency is the hobglobin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul had simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard owrds and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict everything you said today. "Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood?"--is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newto, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood...
Read the whole thing:
http://usinfo.state.gov/usa/infousa/facts/democrac/14.htm

My Interests





[I like]


MUSIC.
Tape.
Singing.
Photoshop.
Camera whoring.
Making music.
Dissonance.
Being retarded, as per usual.
Being odd to the point that people are worried that something is wrong with me.
Spacing out.
Ignoring Mr. Oster.
Writing down thoughts.
Hanging onto the past.
Hugging people I love.
Being held.
Walking in the rain.
Driving with the top down.
Driving while singing at the top of my lungs.
The City Museum.
Walking along the beach at night.
Pitching.
Walking in the woods.
Running around outside in the summer.
Wearing boys' khaki shorts.
Being kissed on the cheek.
Painting my nails white.
Wearing checkered patterns to the point of being obnoxious.
Throwing things.
Typing.
Drawing.
Water.
Sleeping next to somebody I love.
Pointing out Cavaliers.
Holding hands.
Immense doses of chocolate.
Stealing random food at work.
Making people smile.
Perfection.
Hard work with amazing results.
Not being alone.
Comfortable silence.
Being obnoxious in Mrs. Farris' class.
Sleeping in Mrs. Hoffman's class.
Eating Poptarts.
Reefer Madness.
Getting phone calls at 10 o'clock at night to go do something that evening. =]
Umpiring.
Driving around to random places.
Good dreams.
Being a jack-of-all-trades as far as instruments are concerned.
Avoiding trouble while taking as much risk as possible.
Saving EVERYTHING.
Dreaming of Wonderland.
Being something unexpected.



Little brothers.
Bad grammar.
Misspellings.
Especially in titles.
People who don't care about school.
Mud.
Narrow-minded individuals.
Spiders.
Bugs in general.
People who read messages on MySpace but choose not to reply. I KNOW you read that message!
Mr. Oster.
People who you know but don't acknowledge you in the hallway.
Those who try to trick me [and often succeed].
Rap "music."
People who don't say "bye" before signing off.
People who ask "How are you?" but don't really want to know.
AP American History.
People who go out of their way to be "unique" and aren't happy unless they are.
Imperfection.
Objects that are obviously intended for use by the righthanded population without taking into consideration the 10% of the population that consists of lefties.
Typing double-spaced.
My messy car.
My effed up motors.
Being unable to concentrate.
Slow computers.
People who don't care at all.
Possessing no energy.
Ponderosa.
Soda.
Dogs.
Football.
Spicy foods.
Annoying people.
People who hold me back.
Being alone.

People who don't understand what's going on with me.

This is about as close as it gets.

I'd like to meet:

Somebody who can help me make sense of this crazy, upside down world. I've found him... now I just need him to know this.
Or just hold me when I can't take it anymore.
Somebody who won't let me fall.

.. width="425" height="350"

On Being Left-Handed
August 14, 2006 in Smartkit All Posts, Brain Power, Brain, Top 20 Posts by Dr. R.L. Kaplan

“In medieval times, the left hand was associated with the Black Arts, wizards, and sorcery. In witchcraft, evil spells are cast by laying on the left hand, and left-handed oath is never to be trusted” [Taken from a Baylor College of Medicine article written by Adrian Flatt, MD]

In many languages, ‘right’ stands for:

authority
correct
skillful
justice
Whereas ‘left’ stands for:

bad
illegal
immoral
sloppy
clumsy
devil
evil
unlucky
[Reference: Wikipedia]

Apparently, August 13th was officially left-handers day, as my wife just emailed me this sinister link.

We are both left-handed, but our kids are all right handed. Interestingly, one of the leading theories (CBG) on left-handedness suggests that it’s not a genetic thing, but rather a byproduct of fetal brain injury.

According to the Geschwind-Behan-Galaburda (CBG) theory, early injury to the left hemisphere of the brain forces language and motor function to leave its native place on the left side and migrate over and develop in the right hemisphere. The CBD theory states only right-handed children have developed normally.

Don’t despair yet, fellow lefties. Tests by Alan Searleman from St. Lawrence University found there were more left-handed people with IQs over 140 than right-handed people. Isaac Newton, Benjamin Franklin, and Albert Einstein were all left-handed.

William Hopkins, a researcher at Emory University, notes: “It may be that left handed people occupy the extremes when it comes to health and ability. The anomaly is left-handed people make up the extremely gifted and the extremely compromised. The rest of us make up the middle ground.”

Cried the poor Queen: "...Consider anything, only don't cry!"
Alice could not help laughing at this, even in the midst of her tears. "Can you keep from crying by considering things?" she asked.
"That's the way it's done," the Queen said with great decision: 'nobody can do two things at once, you know. Let's consider your age to begin with--how old are you?"
"I'm seven and a half, exactly."
"You needn't say 'exactly,'" the Queen remarked. "I can believe it without that. Now I'll give you something to believe. I'm just one hundred and one, five months and a day."
"I can't believe that!" said Alice.
"Can't you?" the Queen said in a pitying tone. "Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes."
Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast..."

Welcome to the edge of confusion,
The House in which I reside.
I sit on my throne, lovely as fear,
With loneliness always by my side.
Ever in darkness, never quite sure
What today wishes to bring.
Depression on my lap, bringing me down,
Conceit and self-doubt longing to sing.
Forever and always, the images haunt me,
Self-consciousness and paranoia, strain
. The borderline mood swings high over clouds
While stress rests content in the rain.

[September 13, 2006]

Music:



So I've made up my mind. I will pretend to leave this world behind. And in the end you'll know I've lied to get your attention. I'm faking my own suicide.

I'm faking my own suicide, because I know you love me, you just haven't realized. I'm faking my own suicide. They'll hold a double funeral, because a part of you will die along with me.

Wish you thought that I was dead, so rather than me, you'd be depressed instead. And before arriving at my grave, you'd come to the conclusion you've loved me all your days. But it's too late. Too late for you to say.

Because I'm faking my own suicide, because I know you love me, you just haven't realized. I'm faking my own suicide. They'll hold a double funeral, because a part of you will die along with me.

I'll write you a letter that you'll keep, reminding you your love for me is more than six feet deep. You say aloud that you would've been my wife. Right about that time is when I come back to life, and let you know. I'd let you know

I was faking my own suicide, because I know you loved me, you just never realized. I was faking my own suicide. I'll walk in that room and see your eyes open so wide. I've been so lost, because you know you will never leave my sight until the day that I die for the first time. And we'll laugh, yeah we'll laugh, and we will cry, so overjoyed with the love that saved my life.
Our love is so alive.

Green Day
AFI
Anti-Flag
Sublime
Chicago
Frickin' A
Fall Out Boy
Alanis Morissette
AC/DC
Annie Lennox
Blink-182
Bowling for Soup
The Eagles
Jimmy Buffett
Kansas
Santana
Stray Cats
Weird Al
Panic! At the Disco
Lucky Boys Confusion
Army of Freshmen
Tool
A Perfect Circle
Weezer
Underoath
Taking Back Sunday
They Might Be Giants
Saves the Day
Cascada
Flogging Molly
Streetlight Manifesto
Relient K
Dresden Dolls
Reefer Madness
[The actors actually SING!]

This is my baby, Jordan. He was born on November 7th, so I love him.

Movies:

[Cool movies:]

1. Breakfast Club
2. Stay Tuned
3. Killer Klownz from Outer Space
4. Any Freddy (Nightmare on Elm Street) movie
5. UHF
6. Napoleon Dynamite
7. To Kill a Mockingbird
8. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
9. American Pie
10. Blazing Saddles
11. How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
12. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
13. Grind
14. Edward Scissorhands
15. Johnny Dangerously
16. Kill Bill
17. The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
18. Dazed and Confused.
19. Reefer Madness.

This is Brandon.
I may as well call him my brother.
He's my favorite..]

Television:

[Cool TV stuff:]

1. Friends
2. Reba
3. Sabrina the Teenage Witch
4. Match Game
5. Joey
6. Friends
7. Raising Dad (no longer airs)
8. The Nanny
9. Full House
10. 8 Simple Rules
11. O'Grady
12. Heroes
13. Dead Like Me
14. South Park

This is my actual brother.
Se llama Kyle.
He didn't like the picture of him I had up before... so I had to change it...

Books:

[Awesome Books:]

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland


1. 1984
2. Animal Farm
3. Emma
4. To Kill a Mockingbird
5. The Witches of Worm
6. All Harry Potter
7. A Series of Unfortunate Events
8. Carrie
9. The Perks of Being a Wallflower
10. Angels & Demons
11. Running With Scissors
12. Dry
13. Go Ask Alice
14. Among Friends
15. Killing Mr. Griffin

Jordan says:
why u think that
Jordan says:
ur wrongo
Jordan says:
i had fun ladt night niggga
Jordan says:
and i want to fuckin dio it aGIAN
Jordan says:
niggga
Jordan says:
u my niggga

Heroes:

I have several heroes...
JESUS
And this is becoming less and less of a joke.
TAPE
&&Danny FUCKING Elfman

And here are the people I love the most:
Jaimee Culver is my best friend and one of the most beautiful people I know. I just need to kill Jimmy so I can see her more often.
Kaci Barger is my favorite cousin ever and I love her to death. She needs to move closer to me or something. I really wish I could see her way more than I do now. If it wasn't for her, my current style of awesomeness probably wouldn't exist; she introduced me to "emo."
Michelle Kohler and I haven't been friends for real for very long, but I think she's pretty great. Nos hablamos en espanol y estamos en la clase de espanol junto y somos buenas amigas.
Emily Neal is my coworker at Pondogrossa and we are the coolest people there. She is such an awesome person and I love her love for music.
Bridgette and I are recent friends, and she's dating my favorite almost brother, Brandon. She needs to stop going to Seckman so I can see her more often.
Ben Swedholm is the most creative and funniest person I know. Because of him, I have Photoshop.
Jordan Nash is the most random person I have ever met. He loves Danny fucking Elfman and giraffes, and he hates the Amish. I haven't seen him since December, but over the summer we're going to Ozzfest.
Dan Litz is Tony's boyfriend and another very new friend. He invited me to youth group last week and something in me has changed and I feel a strong urge to find myself and something more important than me.. I think Dan can help me.

My Blog

You bring me closer to God.

I'm on a quest to find God. I'm going to try to believe. For real.   I really want this.
Posted by A² [he could be my Wonderland] on Mon, 12 Mar 2007 09:31:00 PST

This is me.

Trait . low score high score Sociability 17% socially reserved, detached friendly, open Aggressiveness 95% mild mannered, uncompetitive predatory, domineering Assertiveness 68% introverted, lo...
Posted by A² [he could be my Wonderland] on Sat, 10 Mar 2007 10:50:00 PST

To my [hopefully] future love:

Write me a poem,A sad, sad song.Words to make me cry. Sing me a ballad,A praiseful psalm.Words to give me hope. Type up a story,One about war.Words of destruction and pain. Come up with a movieThat co...
Posted by A² [he could be my Wonderland] on Sun, 04 Feb 2007 07:33:00 PST

Never Good Enough.

Something I wrote less than a month before the inevitable event:   Try all you wantNever will you winAll of you effortIs never good enoughYou'll never be perfect.You may as well give up...
Posted by A² [he could be my Wonderland] on Sun, 04 Feb 2007 07:28:00 PST

The single life...

I jumped off the train at my own risk.I tumbled down hills, soon to be whiskedAway by one who cared for my well-being,And at the time, that was really all I was needing.Friendly hands sent down genero...
Posted by A² [he could be my Wonderland] on Tue, 30 Jan 2007 09:04:00 PST

Accutane warnings.

  Anyone who has looked into taking the anti-acne drug Accutane (Sotret Isotretinoin) knows that it causes birth defects. You can't help but know that it causes birth defects, because if you are ...
Posted by A² [he could be my Wonderland] on Sun, 28 Jan 2007 11:23:00 PST

A lover would just complicate my plans.

Is it bad to be upset to see someone be happy and wish they weren't, because you were a lot happier when they were unhappy and it hurts to see them with somebody else, even though you don't actually w...
Posted by A² [he could be my Wonderland] on Sat, 13 Jan 2007 06:45:00 PST

It's over.

He doesn't like me.I definitely did not get the reaction I wanted. End of story.
Posted by A² [he could be my Wonderland] on Thu, 28 Dec 2006 10:38:00 PST

I am a victim of the cure they call Acutane.

Yeah so this cure for acne? It's actually making me rather upset. I'm not even kidding. My lips are so chapped, I'm ready to just cut them off so there's nothing there to GET chapped. I'm constantly ...
Posted by A² [he could be my Wonderland] on Wed, 13 Dec 2006 07:19:00 PST

Contemplation, aggravation.

A freshly cut rose falls silently down,Down from her hand and reaches the ground.She offers her life, all that she possessesFor just chance to have what she obsesses Over day in and day out, sunrise&n...
Posted by A² [he could be my Wonderland] on Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:19:00 PST