I am currently 1/3 of the mighty Stabwank and will remain so until either somebody else joins the band of I get kicked out for being an overbearing witless cunt.I figured that I should say a few good things about myself then lead on to mention a few down sides to my character, so I seem like a nice, well-rounded, normal young chap.Like I say, I’m in the best band ever. Well it would be if we did stuff. We have a problem with our bass player/my brother because he seems to think he’s on Robot Wars, not the mildly disappointing rock and/or roll roller-coaster. We also have the problem that I think it’s my band where really, it’s our band, which I like to think paints me as a Frank Black of Billy Corgan character but in reality, probably makes me look more like the dictator of your choice. Our Drummer now lives in Australia and the rest of us are still in Blighty. This can make practise problematic. The fact that I’m quite lazy doesn’t help get things done. The only person I know who puts less work into the band is John, which has to put him in the running for Laziest Person EverI also write the odd review of bands I’ve been to see. Well, I did when I wasn’t working. Now I’ve sold out to “the man†(who, it turns out, is a woman) I find it much more difficult to sit and write happily. Workers don’t think and thinkers don’t work. That said, I still knock the odd review up which gives me an enormous sense of well being.My big ambition is to sit in a radio studio, playing records I like to the few people that want to hear them. However, I find myself not pursuing that as much as maybe I should at the moment. I should point out that this is not the pursuit of fame. Id love to be successful, happy, respected and being financially comfortable would be nice, but fame is on my non-existent list of things to avoid.Work gets me down a bit if I’m honest. It’s not a bad job and I get on well with my boss, but ‘assistant office manager’ is not really what I saw myself doing when I was young. Saying that, as a kid I probably wanted to work as a sweet tester or something.I like my football but that seems to be more of a burden that a pleasure and I wouldn’t really recommend it. The lows are far more extreme than the highs. Id sooner advise somebody get involved in a sport like badminton, one that doesn’t really matter.I like films as well, but I sound like a twat when I talk about them because I end up spouting out some pretentious bollocks about how I like old films and how I’ve not really got much time for new ones, which, while true, is a pathetic and arsey thing to say and reminds me of your drunken uncle at a party skankin away to a bit of Status Quo insisting that “that new bang bang bang music you listen to is rubbish. It’s just noise!â€.I like to think as myself as well read, but to my shame I don’t really read books very much. Id like to be a booky kind of person (I don’t mean get a job in William Hill) but I’m pretty lazy and don’t really give books enough of a chance. I KNOW that there is a universe of literary genius out there, but it’s being arsed.I realised a few years ago that drinking all the time was a very very bad thing. It makes you unappealing in almost every way. As such I don’t really drink like I used to (I mean as much as I used to, the physical act of drinking is still largely the same). Don’t get me wrong, you can still see me with a pint glass in my hand every now and again, but I’m pleased to say getting drunk doesn’t really dominate my life anymore.I guess that’s me. At least I’m up to almost 700 words now in the justification of my existence. That’s an improvement of about 200 words.I am 76% Grunge.
.. I need to go take a bath, man! And I might wanna toss that shirt of mine in the wash? Any grungier and I would be mistaken for mildew, dude. Take the
Grunge Test
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