Robert - ProfilesArchive

About Me

At first glance I'm a button-downed, quite respectable chap. Do not be deceived! For beneath the surface a battle rages betwixt all that can be provisioned by a city of dreadful delights and the better angels of my nature which beckons me towards a more pristine, if delayed, gratification.I'm certain you know what I mean. Many are the times I've arrived at a party and am forced to let slip the beast within. Everyone is snorting little three inch bumps of coke but when Silverman arrives he has to play the role! "Oh schlits! Silverman has made the scene!" erupts throughout the house. Before I can protest, a 5 foot line of Bolivian Marching Powder is laid across the coffee table. What can I do? They're expecting me to be Bobby Snuffleupagus! I dare not disappoint. But dissappoint who? This isn't me...this isn't what I want."This can't be it.." Thats the refrain that echoes through my mind as I'm shooting China White into my penis(my last good vein).That's my weekend in nutshell(which is where I will have to shoot up in the near future) See you around!

My Interests

I like it when old immigrant women wash my feet.

I'd like to meet:

The son of a bitch civil servant at Ellis Island who changed my grandfather's name. You might have taken from me my heritage and my birthright. You might have. My birth certificate says Silverman but in my heart I have been and always shall be Robert Bloodfart.

Music:

Jack Logan;Weezer,Stones;Kings of Leon;Tenacious D;White Stripes;Dylan;Johnny Cash;David Bowie;ACDC;The Who;Ben Folds;Solomon Burke;Radiohead;Phil Collins;Sleepy Jackson;Modest Mouse;Frank Sinatra;Tony Bennett;Miles Davis;Coleman Hawkins;Badly Drawn Boy;Blur;Mars Volta;The Clash

Movies:

Now That's What I Call Bukkake 4!;Girl With a Pearl Necklace;Close Encounters of the Third Input;Bukkake Tsunami!;Girl on Girl on Zoloft;Beach Blanket Bukkake;Benji the Hunted

Television:

Campus Ladies;My Name is Earl;Shirley Ghostman;Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia;Little Britain;The Mighty Boosh;The Office;Justice League; Teen Titans; Survivor; Lost;Smallville;Battlestar Galactica;Family Guy

Books:

The Buttress of Windsor

Heroes:

Michael McDonald---to be able to sing at such a high range while still retaining both testicles. And you know he has testicles. Just look at his beard.

My Blog

Your Pussycat Lips

Last Friday I went to see Tom Jones perform at the Palace Theatre in Albany. I know my life will never be the same. Its was one of those transformative moments you experience maybe 3 or 4 times ...
Posted by Robert on Mon, 27 Feb 2006 03:04:00 PST

Jim Belushi: Enough is Enough

I woke up angry this morning. Why the fuck does this talentless waste continue to invade my media? He's been riding the coat tails of his brother's polluted, mouldering corpse over 20 years. You can...
Posted by Robert on Wed, 25 Jan 2006 09:06:00 PST

The Scientific Method & the Mustachioed Man

1) Observation: Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck got a lot of pussy. 2) Hypothesis: They both have great mustaches. Abundant lip hair denotes dominance in the male which is a trait pre...
Posted by Robert on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

A bird shit on me!

I was walking my dog, minding my own business when it happened. This is me covered in bird shit. Here is a tight shot of said bird shit Is it the Da Vinci Code? My most fevered (hope...
Posted by Robert on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

A Paean for Peter Scolari

Peter Scolari. How do you sum up the career, the Life of a man who has not quite literally brought you from "crayons to perfume"? To many Peter is just "the other guy from Bosom Buddies". I weep ...
Posted by Robert on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Nicknames

The start of the new baseball season has me thinking. Its high time we revived the beloved American tradition of assigning nicknames solely based on nationality. We can use basball's rich history as...
Posted by Robert on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Eureka!

I have found it. I am currently seeking some venture capital for this so no one steal my idea. We need to combine dildos with Pez dispensers! Now I know what you're thinking: (1) "Handsome AND br...
Posted by Robert on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST