I come from a loving and caring family.My Father poses as a middle-class businessman, but is actually a scout for a secret organization (which has no initials or name) of White Ninjas sworn to protect the suburbs from extraterrestrial or supernatural invasion, while also taking over the world through Gasoline investments and internet stock-control. To keep his killing skills practiced and his reactions sharp, he hunts animals during any free time he has - any animals: the young and innocent to the powerful and dangerous. He does not discriminate; for the White Ninja must be of without heart. He can smell blood AND fear for miles. Completely invisible to the eyes of the Government and Populace, his organization has been responsible for the results of the last 4 Presidential elections, the scores of 17 of the last 22 Superbowls, the existence and success of Arnold Scwarzenegger, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Budweiser, several Illegal fight clubs and cock fighting rings, Mettalica AND Lynard Skynard, the death of Biggie and Tupac, Internet Spam, as well as keeping the Chinese Secret Service from stealing the Constituition. Now that you have read this, in fact, you will probably be killed.His Father, my Grandfather, is a full-blooded Viking who, as a child, was forced to wonder the wilderness when his family was defeated and killed by a group of Rampaging Bigfoots. He was finally found and raised by a Lost Tribe of Native Americans, who called themselves "Shanoko-Smoko-No-Joko," which, in there language, means "Badass MutherFuckers." Finally discovered by the White Man, my Grandfather was recruited into the U.S military when they discovered his ability to YELL Louder than their Canons. While on a secret mission in Africa, he stole the Golden Idol of "Mino-Shante," which has provided him the ability to turn small children into Stone with a simple disapproving gaze. Later, he he met and saved my grandmother from Zulu warriors after she seduced him with her beauty and cookies. After his entire company was thought dead at sea from a Giant Serpent attack, he and my Grandmother swam 1000 miles back to America (in the snow) and settled in Texas.My mother comes from a long tradition of Holy Warriors. Though she herself is not a warrior, she has earned the status of Level 47 Cleric with +20 Healing Magic, Super Senses, the Psychic ability to know when and where trouble will happen, and several spells for banishing evil spirits and making her children run upstairs and go to Bed. She met my father while on a quest to banish evil spirit-conjuring ninjas from an ancient church sanctuary. My Dad was one of the evil Ninjas. It was love at first sight. They were married in an Alternate Dimension.Her mother, my Grandmother, whom I call Grandmama, is a High Priestess in direct contact with the Lord God himself. She has the sacred ability to force education and morals upon you merely by thumping her Magic Bible. A favorite of Jesus, but his apostles fear her. I also believe she can read minds; but I have no physical evidence: she just KNOWS.Because of the obviously-powerful mixture in our family blood, both of my brothers, who are twins, were born with super-human powers. Ryan has super strength and speed and impenetrable will, while Brennan can communicate with Spirits and control machinery and electronics; he also has a bottomless stomach and can eat through metal. They can both speak telepathically to each other and have the ability to pleasure a woman merely by pointing a finger and saying "Boo-Yah."I am a Mage-Thief Ghostwriter MC, which stands for both "Mic Controller" and "Master Chief." I have been charged by the Angel of Death to Hunt and Destroy the Wicked as they appear in any form; physical, supernatural, political, societal, or otherwise. I have plans to take over America through an underground revolution, by which medium I have yet to decide.As Ill Bill said, "Fuck the 'Source' Cover, I want my face on the Cover of 'Time!'"
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