Seeves

Myspace Layouts - Myspace Editor - Image Hosting

I was born on May 21, 1982 in a little town called Babalon. I was baptized a Jew on December 25 and admitted to Yale University on the 30th. I spent most of his infancy working on my memoirs. By the time I had learned how to talk I had finished three volumes: The World Before Seevers, which traced the history of the world prior to my conception; The Seeds of Utopia, which outlined my effect on world events during the nine months of my gestation; and The Glorious Dawn, which described the profound ramifications of my birth on the social order.

I attended nursery school at the School of Soft Knocks, majoring in Art History. My thesis, “A Comparison of Michelangelo’s David and My Own Mirror” won the Arthur C. Clarke award for Precocious Criticism and brought me to the attention of world luminaries.

My next bit of schooling was done at Hooverson Heights Primary, where I majored in Pre-Yale. My education was interrupted by World War II, during which I became the only six-year-old to fight in Guadalcanal and to land on the beaches of Normandy. Combat occupied much of my time, but in between battles I was able to help out on the Manhattan Project, offer advice at Yalta, and design the Marshall Plan. My account of the war, Seevers Versus Hitler, perched atop the New York Times Best Seller List for three years.

Upon my return to Hooverson Heights Primary, I found that schoolwork no longer challenged me. I transferred my energies to track, crew, polo, golf, tennis, mountain climbing, debate, stock brokerage, learning the world’s languages, playing my harpsichord and, of course, writing more memoirs.

By the time I was a freshman at Brooke High School I had finished my ninth volume in my memoirs, The Politics of Puberty. A friend at the time, Percy Rockefeller-Vanderbilt III, once said in my reguard, “Everybody liked Mike at Hooverson Heights Primary. His ability to change water into wine added to his popularity.”

The years at Brooke High School were followed by the climax of my life, the Yale years. While at Yale I majored in everything and wrote the bestseller, God and Me at Yale, which was followed by God and Me at Home, and finally, God and Me at the Movies.

My extracurricular activities at Yale included editing the Yale Daily News, serving as President of the University, and chairing the committee to have Yale moved from New Haven to Mount Olympus. I also proved the existence of God by uttering the Cartesian formula, “I think, therefore I am.”

On the day of graduation, I married Miss Jennifer Zirkle and gave birth to a son and a daughter (Jen helped) both of whom we named Alex.

As any of you who read The New York Times know, my life since then has been anything but dull. On any given morning I will consult with a handful of national leaders and the Pope, write another novel in the adventure series, “Mike Seevers, Private Eye,” chat with a bevy of Academy Award winners, and write a few syndicated columns.

These days in my free time I tame a wild horses, chop down trees to reduce U.S. oil imports, build large suspension bridges in my small back yard, and travel the world in search for cures to following diseases; herpes, cancer, hypocondrism, diabetes, AIDS, warts (common, plantar, and genital), and the common cold. I currently serve as a liaison between the FBI, CIA, EPA, NAACP, LEPC, FEMA, and the President's Cabinet. When I find free time usually on Sundays at Midnight I descramble some top secret Soviet spy transmissions.

Last year, I needed a break from my hectic fast-lane life, so I climbed to the summit of Mount Everest, pedaled in the Tour de France along side Lance, took in a dog fight with Michael Vick, Danced with the Stars, Hosted Saturday Night Live (twice), and won a Nobel Prize for my award winning design of a more efficient restroom hand dryer, which was comprised of a domestic parakeet in box, a nine volt battery, and a hampster. For kicks I created natural disasters such as the wildland fires in california and hurricane Wilma, not Katrina though, Bush manifested that one even though I told him it was a bad idea. I almost forgot I was also on the local news for my discovery of a cure for cardiac failure in humans aged 1-25 years old.

I have received numerous honorary degrees, including an M.B.A., an Ll.D., a Ph.D., an M.D., and an L.H.D., all of them from Yale, of course. I was also given the Muslim name Achiem from Malcolm X, 20 years before I was born.

Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Honda - Image Hosting

Generate your own contact table!