Originally from St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands Cocoanut Lady or Gertrude Fahie prides herself in being a VERY talented performer... She is a Jackie of all trades and master of all in HER mind, singer,actress, , dancer, singer, voiceover actress, movie reviewer, advice columnist and whatever else she can break into show biz doing. She is always on the lookout for a talent scout and an opportunity to perform.
You see, Cocoanut Lady is trying desperately to escape the stereotype of Market Lady, and break into show business as she longs so much to be an entertainer; Cocoanut Lady would love to one day meet Harry Belafonte and Sidney Poitier and play their leading lady.
Engaged to Garbageman (Chief Waste Investigator) and self-proclaimed Detective/investigator Godfrey Niles for the past 15 years, Cocoanut Lady is afraid to marry him because she thinks that he only wants to marry her to get his U.S Citizenship, as her three former husbands did; and though she often threatens to leave him because he suffers from several ailments, including back problems, his Curry Goat and Roti cooking keep her hanging on. 'Godfrey only good enough to pitch de gyabage cyan ' she says 'but he does fix a nice Curry Goat yo' see him dey yo' know and a wonderful Roti!!'
Surrounded by friends Edris, Strulie, Cecil, Stroatie, and Clephus, Cocoanut Lady is a barrell of laughs.
Cocoanut Lady now does parties for young and old. She will incorporate your life story into your birthday presentation and appear to do an island-themed or other party.
YOU MAY E-MAIL Cocoanut Lady at [email protected]! or call her at 1-757-454-6355. coconut lady cocoanut woman coconut woman
DUE TO HUGE DEMAND...COCOANUT LADY AN' FRIENDS PLAY STARRING UGLY FIANCE GODFREY, EADRIS, GREETEL, CECIL GUMBS AND MORE. COMING SOON TO A STAGE/TV NEAR YOU???!! IT'S UP TO YOU; WRITE US AND DEMAND COCOANUT LADY! Check The Pics Below!
COCOANUT LADY AND FRIEN'S PLAY SNIPPETS
WHAT A SHAAAAMMMME!!! COCOANUT LADY WILL DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING TO GET INTO SHOW BIZ; THERE'S JUST ANOTHER EXAMPLE!!! HERE SHE IS AGAIN WID HER TREE GIRDLE....SHAAAAAMELESSSS!
COCOANUT LADY'S SHAAAAMELESS TALENT SHOW COCONUT LADY
Cocoanut Lady Presents
De Cocoanut Letter featuring
Ms. Deo Pyschic Advisor
COCOANUT LADY AN' FRIEN'S PRESENTS:
COCOANUT LADY DISGUISED AS PSYCHIC READER MS. DEO SUBJECT: 'DE SHORT MON AH MET
ONLINE!'
MS. DEO - COCOANUT LADY
Cocoanut Lady Presents
De Cocoanut Letter featuring
Ms. Deo Pyschic AdvisorProblem: Ms. Deo, about 1 month ago I found out my husband of three years was cheating on me with a much younger woman. I noticed that the sex had not been as frequent as before; Before it was 1, 2 sometimes three times a day. Now I’m lucky if we do it once a month. He buys this younger woman jewelry, helps pay her bills, etc. So in retaliation, I linked up with a local body builder and began an affair with him. Now I think my husband suspects me. Even though my husband is cheating on me, I can’t let him find out about MY affair, I stand to lose everything the house the car, my children… I stand to lose more than him; my husband is a very well to do, powerful man, very prominent in the community and in our local church. If he suspects I’m cheating, I will lose everything; on top of that the shame and ridicule I will encounter; what should I do?
Signed
‘Dunno Wat To Do In Paris’
Answer: Lawd have mussy! Ahyo dramatic people! Fuss of all, Dear ‘Dunno Wat To Do In Paris’ ah doubt yo’ in any Paris; you probably right here in de West Indies someplace… doan try to hide Miss. Secon' of all, aaal man cheat, aaall man. Yo’ say de sex went from 5 time a day to once a mont’? das a big difference! Man you shouldda know something wo goin' on.
And yo’ say heeza prominent man; I doan care how prominent he is; Yo’ shouldda buss him a big pot in he head when ahyo in bed and ac’ like yo’ was sleepwalkin'!!! Let’s poe it dis way….De blasted bump on he head woulda be well prominent when ah was done wid he. Ain' no call for it! An' he had de nerve to cheat wid a younger woman? What is dis? An' you, young lady ah say young becausin’ I believe yo younger dan me; you gone cheat on him and gone go do it so willy nilly and careless; now he suspeck you; what a moo moo. You shouldda write me BEFORE you start cheatin'; then Ms. Deo wouldda tell yo’ exactly how to wuk it. Now he onto yo’. (sigh) AHYO BLASTED NOVICE...ANYWAY...
Okay well let me put on me ADVISICAL HAT here! Okaaay… let’s see… what me advice membrane telling me; Deeeooo D-E-E-O…okay de advice is coming… okay here’s de advice…ah hope yo’ sitting dung. yo' ready? Okay de advice is…
When he accuse you of cheating, no matter what he ask yo’ just say ‘ME (MI) NAH KNOW’! Even if he catch yo’ in de blasted act, just say ‘Me (Mi) Nah Know!' But den ahyo have to get ahyo self togedda and stop de cheating and be faithful to each odder; maybe da co’ happen maybe not. But you have to deny it 'til de cow dem come home; beca' yo’ right u do have too much to lose over something so styupid. Then when u look de younger woman have not only jewelry, but your house your children dem, u panty, yo’ brazier. You get de point. An' yo' know society does look different upon a woman das cheating dan when a man cheatin'. Man looked upon as 'players' and we woman look upon as slut. You know de deal yung lady; ah HOPE YO' YUNG; becausin' if ahyo ole and still wid dis foolishness up 'til now, ahyo need a good slap.....anyway...Miss Deo advice is to jus' deny it...TELL U WHAT LOOK AT ABBEY kYAT VIDEO ABOVE (FEATURING ME OF COURSE) TO SEE JUST HOW TO WUK DIS ME '(MI) NAH KNOW' TING...OKAY????! LE' ME KNOW HOW IT GOES!
An' doan forget to sen' me my payment as soon as possible as this advice IS NOT FREE. I ain't jus' doing dis fo' me good looks!
SIGNED
MS. DEO
COCOANUT LADY AN' FRIEN'S PRESENTS:
RECIPE ROOGOODOO WITH DROPSY CHEF DASHEEN NARCALEPSHIA
F/PHYLLIS DE YARDEE MUNCHIE
RECIPE OF THE DAY: SORRELL
VIRGIN ISLANDS RECIPES
PINA COLADA
For 1 Drink:
1.5 oz Coconut Rum (light or dark rum can be substituted)
2 oz Rose's Lime Juice
1 oz Coco Lopez
1/2 slice of lime
Splash of Sprite (optional)
Slice of Lime Garnish)
Put all ingredients in a blender. Add 1 glass of ice. Blend till smooth. You can add a dash of Sprite or simple syrup to sweeten and/or to make blending easier if it is too thick. We get the most compliments on the Lime and Coconuts that we make with Sprite, and the lime in the blender is very important.
Virgin Islands Maubi
(Adapted from native recipes, University of the Virgin Islands, Cooperative Extension Service)
4 (3-inch) strips maubi bark
1 oz. (2 tablespoons) sweet marjoram
1 oz. (2 tablespoons) anise
1 oz. (2 tablespoons) rosemary
1/8 teaspoon grated nutmeg
1 (3-inch) cinnamon stick
1/8 teaspoon freshly grated orange peel
5 quarts water
3 pounds sugar
2 pinches granular yeast
Make "bitters" by boiling maubi bark, marjoram, anise, rosemary, nutmeg, cinnamon stick and orange peel in one quart of water for 5 to 10 minutes. Cool. Fill another container with 4 quarts of water; sweeten with sugar. Add the bitters, and then toss mixture with a ladle. When it begins to foam, add yeast.
Strain through a clean cloth and bottle. Set aside overnight to age and ferment. Save some as a "starter" for your next maubi making.
Makes 6 quarts, or 24 cups. Per cup (nutrient analysis approximate since information for maubi is unavailable): 220 calories, no fat, no cholesterol, 2 mg sodium
MEAT PATE
Step I.
Pastry
4 cups flour
4 level tablespoons unsalted vegetable shortening
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 cup water
Mix dry ingredients in large bowl. Cut in shortening with knives or pastry blender. Add water gradually to form a soft dough. Knead gently on a floured board for a few minutes. Cover and let rest for about 10 minutes. Shape into small balls, roll out and cut into size circles desired for turnovers.
Step II. Filling
1/2 lb. lean ground pork AND
1/2 lb. ground beef OR
1 lb. ground beef (omitting pork)
1 large sweet pepper
1 medium onion
1 tablespoon minced celery
1 tablespoon minced parsley
2 tablespoons margarine
1 clove garlic, crushed
Hot pepper to taste (optional)
1/4 cut tomato paste
1/4 teaspoon Oregano
1 tablespoon fine bread crumbs
Sauté pork in margarine until brown, usually about 10 minutes, add beef and continue cooking another 5 minutes. Add remaining ingredients. Cook for a few minutes longer (make sure beef is cooked, no longer pink) If filling seems very dry add a little water.
Step III. Prepare and Cook
Place filling on each circle of dough, leaving edge bare, moisten edge with water, turn over and seal meat inside dough by pressing moist edge together with fork. Fry in hot deep fat, until dough in golden brown.
FUNGI
Ingredients:
2 1/2 cups boiling water
1 1/2 cups cornmeal
1 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon shortening
Directions: To rapidly boiling water add salt and sprinkle cornmeal in slowly, stirring the mixture. Allow water to boil with cornmeal a few minutes. Stir briskly to prevent lumping. When well combined add shortening. Cover and allow to steam for about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Okras may be added. Cut the okra into small pieces and allow to boil for a few minutes before adding to the cornmeal. Suggestion: It is difficult to cook a fungi that is lump free. To prevent lumps and get a smooth fungi - mix 1/4 cup of cornmeal with 3/4 water. Add to boiling water, stirring constantly while adding. Let this cook to consistency of a thick cereal, add remaining cornmeal and stir, mashing lumps as you stir.
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