uncle bert. profile picture

uncle bert.

do i point at my crotch when i ask where the toilet is?

About Me

i prefer running on grass rather then pavement. i like to like what i like, and like liking it. i also enjoy eating young children and playing foursquare. billy doodles --
[noun]:

A hard-core grave robber

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

My Interests

stories that take place on the chesepeke bay. reading scraps of paper with notes on them. highlighting things makes me feel important. salt, sawdust, and gas make me smile. i like watching things get smashed.

I'd like to meet:



adopt your own virtual pet!

Music:

tv shows theme songs.

Movies:

rushmore, royal tennebaums, bottlerocket (all wes anderson films), leaving las vegas, gummo, mystic river, happiness (all time favorite), jesus's son (2nd fav), old boy, caddyshack 1 not 2, last exit to brooklyn, welcome to the dollhouse, johnny b. good, goonies, ghostbusters, fear and loathing in las vegas, barfly, star wars, starship troopers, rambo, rocky 1, garden state, slaughter house 5, 21 grams, about a boy. aviator (come in with the milk)

Television:

dallas, (jr is the best actor before nicolas cage) curb Your enthusiasam, 60 minutes, and ali g. the office (UK and USA), how i met your mother, boston legal, and deadwood. the wonder years, saved by the bell, smurfs, and thunder cats. sea lab 2020, night court. and any michael landon made for tv movies.........................................

Books:

bukowski, denis johnson, nerissan, celine, rechy, selby,geoff dyer, vonagut, dostevski, hunter s. thompson, thomas friedman, crimper master dobus.

Heroes:

bukowski, hunter s. thompson, theo, james lipton, and any of my shipuk friends...

My Blog

MLB

i may be lame to post something that has absolutely nothing to do with day to day life. but i read this article and i was just blown away. money and sports.  there is nothing i can really compair...
Posted by friend on Thu, 23 Nov 2006 08:27:00 PST

speling.

reed this furst.   http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060705/ap_on_re_us/simpl_wurdz still to this day i am constantly looking up words for the correct spelling. nice to know i have a few on myside. ...
Posted by friend on Fri, 07 Jul 2006 04:14:00 PST

Blaine you stink!

"Rescue divers jumped into the 2,000-gallon saltwater tank Monday night and hauled up the magician as he struggled to break a breath-holding record of 8 minutes, 58 seconds. Blaine, who had spent some...
Posted by friend on Tue, 09 May 2006 11:29:00 PST

fat kids vrs. dmv.

fat kids have no business at the dmv. i got my license renewed today. so i sat in line.... i waited. i gave the nice fella my info and my old license. i gave him $66.00 for 6 years. then he told ...
Posted by friend on Fri, 14 Apr 2006 11:03:00 PST

my fav. short story.

Post Office- By: Charles Bukowski.   It began as a mistake.It was Christmas season and I learned from the drunk up the hill, who did the trick every Christmas, that they would hire damned near an...
Posted by friend on Mon, 10 Apr 2006 09:14:00 PST

kinda of wierd.

i am riding on the train home from the city. i am slightly intoxicated. it is now dark out when the train exits the tunnel from grand central. my phone rings. "dude, what was your address where you gr...
Posted by friend on Wed, 29 Mar 2006 04:26:00 PST

so worst birthday ever.

i go to dinner with my family. got to poke fun at my chubby sister hubby. however the the power kept shutting off at the place of eating. it went on and off about 4 times. then finally just off. i jus...
Posted by friend on Thu, 23 Mar 2006 12:30:00 PST

Square Bagels.... A Night Of Reflection.

He looks at himself in the mirror and he thinks good thoughts. His tissued chest pronounces him differently. He smears the lipstick generally around his mouth. It smears into a moist mixture of redn...
Posted by friend on Tue, 07 Mar 2006 11:34:00 PST

I Like Dry Humping As Much As The Next Male.

Just a small observation....... Dry humping is fun for the male.. Even though the male is all like........... "Yeah, I am dry humping right now! This feels good." The male...... also feels pain. He ...
Posted by friend on Fri, 03 Mar 2006 11:26:00 PST

The Bionic Man's Sick Sense.

I looked at the bartender. He motioned to his lips, suggesting another drink. I brought my hands up into the air. The motion ment nothing. He brought me another drink.   I sat ...
Posted by friend on Mon, 27 Feb 2006 09:16:00 PST