Lunch

Some people say symmetry is beautiful.If you're one of those people, I'm not what you're looking for.Half my face doesn't sweat, my right eyelid droops, and my right pupil doesn't dilate. My friend Maclain won't let me go out at night. A botched, or more likely, a properly performed surgery when I was 10 disfigured me for life. It ruined my promising acting career. Pre-surgery I was climbing the Hollywood prop ladder through roles such as Deacon #2 in the LDS Seminary film "Johnny takes the sacrament," and Catcher/Featured Frightened Student #1 in the Feature Film for Families "Split Infinity" (what many called a "courageous, breathtaking performance." "A veritable tour de force, his finest performance to date." "Scott is an acting Adonis. He has done for elementary school athletes what Heath Ledger will surely do for cowpokes everywhere.")Sadly, post-surgery I couldn't even manage first callbacks for the role I was born to play---Scotty Smalls in the kiddie erotic thriller "The Sandlot."When my mom asked the doctor what was wrong with me, he comfortingly and optimistically responded, "He'll be a hit on Halloween." She and I are both hoping to live off the proceeds of our class-action malpractice lawsuit for poor bedside manners. It's been 15 years coming but I'm getting the most out of my pre-paid legal membership. (If interested, talk to Colby at Ruby River in Provo. He'd like to talk to you about an opportunity that people are talking about. We all have dreams......I know I do.)So before we take the big plunge into a myspace relationship and in the spirit of brutal honesty, I must warn you of my other genetic deficiencies that you may want to keep out of your family's gene pool: 1. I'm colorblind. 2. I'm lefthanded. 3. I used to have the nickname Thimble Bladder.Deal with it.