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what can you say about yourself that has never been said? how many licks does it take to get to the chewy center of a tootsie-pop? what kind of cheese goes best with mandarin oranges? these are the questions that have puzzled the greatest minds. fortunately...i have here, the oppurtunity to make clear the first and foremost question posed. who am i? i am (to qoute the lyrical genuises of De La Soul) me, myself and i. ok. so that was kinda corny, sorry. how about this one.... i am the man that sits in the corner and thinks, i sit upon the great divide between what we were and what we may yet still become. amongst the sparks of life, i search for the flame. i bring my bellows of misguided thoughts and try to create a flame to place my hand in. only than will i learn that fire burns and be able to disgard my false beliefs and work towards a purer truth. for life is nothing like what we think. nothing like what we were told in the crib. it is more. more mystery, more pain. more doubt, more joyous revelation. it is the but the trailer to the feature presentation...we watch the clips, expertly extracted from the whole and attempt to gleam the meaning of the story between our handfuls of rich, buttery popcorn. was that a bit better? ok. now that we have the philisophical nonsense out of the way, lets lay down some simple facts. i am the only born son of german and polish decended royalty. tragically enough i am just far enough out of the line to not be considered for uplifting to any place of respected authority. my fathers side of the family however still retains a palacial estate in the polish countryside, near Radom along the banks of the Vistula,which is open for use by any male family member, (polish blood lines are fraternal). unfortunately the estate is in such dire disrepair as to consider it more of a hazard to visit than anything else. my mothers line lost all manner of aristocratic privaleges after the second world war when the Allies split-up and distributed everything belonging to known and suspected Nazi sympathizers. it is not know for certain what role my ancestors played in the third riech, only that they were but a pawn in the poker game. (yes, i know, pawns are in Chess. sue me) now i am a self -sufficiant, horribly drunk flooring installer in Billings, Montana. i never actually graduated from high-school, but instead got my GED before my senior year even started. i was a fuck-off, fucked-up student who had absolutely no interest in the learning system they put in front of me, so i decided to be done with it and finish early. seeing especially as how i would have had to take night and weekend classes just to graduate...and i just wasnt that ambitious. in fact, i guess thats what got me there in the first place. so i started living life early, and havent regreted it since. now i have too many toys that i waste my money on and keep digging up debt. its GRRREAT!!! ummm....yeah. if you read all that. congrats. let me know and i'll send you a cookie.