RON BURGUNDY

I'm an anchorman in the best city ever, San Diego. I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Mmm, mmm, mmm. How, now, brown, cow. If you were a man I would punch you. I would punch you right in the mouth. That's bush... bush league. Do you hear me?!? Look at me!!! I'm sorry. I saw you from across the party and I felt compelled to tell you something. You have an absolutely... breathtaking... hiney. I mean that thing's good. I want to be friends with it! Do you know who I am? I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal. People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany. ... I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I... I wanna be on you.