Oral Defecation.

It wasn't what I expected. But what did I expect in the first place? So I stuck to what I knew, what felt safe, what I've always known. Today, entering that building I felt as a runaway must feel returning home. It's funny, how hard we fight against needing. Against loving, wanting, against giving a fuck. Given that, it's even funnier that rarely, at least for me, is it what I'm fighting that disturbs me so, but the idea of what I'm fighting. I'm so scared. It isn't a good fear anymore either. In fact, it's one of the worst fears I've ever felt. I could ruin my life by making the wrong decision here.
On the island of doubt...............................
You really can't fit all of your being into a paragraph...but I can't sure as hell try to sum everything up, can't I? I'll start by stating I'm a 16 year old female, surprise surprise. I'm a really laid back type of person unless some source of anxiety comes my way, then I can quickly turn into a nervous wreck. Most people don't really know how much I let them get away with when it comes to treating me...of course then there are the people I don't even hide my dislike for, either. I'll let someone beat me up in certain situations but that's because it's their only way of expression and I feel content with the fact I'm better than them, in all intellectual aspects.
My friends are PART of my backbone...I think I could live without them, but it would be extremely hard. You always have to have at least one person to confide in. And generally if I'm not on here or reading or thinking or on the phone[lately that hardly ever happens]...I'm with one or more of my friends. Otherwise I'm sure I'd be completely isolated from everything social. The human race is full of assholes, backstabbers, homicidal, "insane"...but I don't always like to avoid these people [unless I'm putting myself at a risk]. I like to get into people's heads and try to figure things out from their point of view...so then it creates one of my best qualities...I'm a good listener. If I'm quiet while you're talking and I don't respond, It's not that I wasn't listening, I'm taking in all that you said, cycling it around my brain until I look at things from your perspective, then I'll usually respond in some way or another for your own comfort. Heh, I'm also a pretty HUGE pervert...so if you can't deal with that then I may hold back what I say to some extent but eventually it's going to come out, so it's your choice to talk to me or not. =D
I won't go on to talk about relationship problems or exactly how far my heart can stretched before it eventually breaks. I won't go on about what my daily routine is or what I eat on a regular basis. It's all really irrelevant when it comes down to knowing a person, and I'm one of the people that can't really just be summed up in a couple paragraphs...actually...most people can't be. But HEY you have an idea, right? ;D
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