Father Confessor

I am here to listen. I offer absolution. Confess, child. I understand that your sins weigh heavily on your soul. You may confess privately in a message if you prefer. I will not judge, regardless of what kind of horrible crimes against God and nature I know your dark soul harbors. No matter what kind of perverse, unnatural acts make you sweat like a nervous schoolchild in the loneliness of your little bed. Also, if you confess here, you will not have to sit in this box:

I will be merciful with penance and I promise I will not make you do this:

Unless, of course you really deserve it.