murder, armed robbery, basketryRichard N. Bum is on stage with his trumpetGoing back and forth between playing trumpet and crying - for a long time – at least a minute.What the hell is wrong with people. They just don’t understand my genius. Here I am. Dr. Richard N. Bum with a doctorate in trumpet, and no one wants to listen to me. I mean… listen to this.Blat!!That was beauty itself. I’ve spent years practicing, but I can’t make a goddamn living.I can play happyBlat!!I can play sadBlat!!I can play melancholyBlat!! Did you hear the subtle difference between sad and melancholy? That’s called talent.But what do people want? What do they really want? What makes the people of America willing to part ways with their money?Twinkies! Fast times at Ridgemont high! Ice beer! My humps! My humps! Crap on a cracker! McRib sandwiches! Pamela Anderson! Coldplay! Just take some dog doo, add some sugar and some fat, feed it to people and let them watch someone get kicked in the nuts and while they stuff their fat faces – and they are happy.What happened to poetry? Political discourse? Acquired tastes? An educated appreciation of art and beauty? Where did they go? Did anyone ever live like that for real? Is it a hoax? Is it just rich people all pretending to like something, because all the other rich people seem like they do, but they really don’t? Yes, nobody likes that crap and everyone watches entertainment tonight and eats hot pockets in the closet.My uncle says I’m just a spoiled brat who was coddled and primped and told of my greatness by too many art and music teachers because they need students- it’s not like they ever made a living off art and music, so what would they know? They were forced to teach, and they suckered me into thinking I was worth 18 years of bullshit arts and music training. So long as my parents paid the bill, I was a genius.No. My uncle is wrong wrong wrong. I’m a modern day Shakespeare on a trumpet, but no one recognizes my genius. That’s the truth. And that’s the problem.Maybe… Maybe… maybe I should change my schtick. I need to make some freakin money, man. My trust fund is getting low. I don’t know how long I can afford to pay this band.Joe Boneau – What? Crap. Really? You want us to turn a profit? Just give the people what they want, man.Dr. Richard N. Bum – Yes…. Yes… you are right, Mr. Joe Boneau, keyboardist extraordinaire. I think I will. Okay guys, from now on, you’re not backing me up. You’re going to back up a girlband! Like the pussycat dolls, or the spice girls, except better. Americans like to be titillated. And they like crap. And they will receive titillation. And crap. I need… I need…. Girls girls girls! Yes. And rap and country and rock and roll and sexy girls. Yes, that will pay the bills. Give the people what they want.
Move your body parts, sexy Oooo…Sexy body parts Uhhhhhgghh… sexy parts parts Move your body parts, sexy Oooo…Sexy body parts Uhhhhhgghh… sexy parts parts Upper body parts Lower body parts Front body parts Back body partsOne and two and three and four In and out and up and down And squeeze it tight. So tight! And shake it out shake it out And squeeze it tight, So tight! And shake it out shake it outWork it work it work it Don’t jerk it! Uhhhhhhh Oooooooooo Uuuugghhhh oooooooooooMove your body parts, sexy Oooo…Sexy body parts Uhhhhhgghh… sexy parts parts Move your body parts, sexy Oooo…Sexy body parts Uhhhhhgghh… sexy parts parts Upper body parts Lower body parts Front body parts Back body partsUnh unh unh unh unh unh oh yeah! Unh unh unh unh unh unh oh no! Tight firm rock hard Tight firm rock it rock it. Don’t block it. Bent and spread Not well fedSleek and mean An obscene machine Wanting to be cleaned Waiting for you to….Uhhhhhhh Oooooooooo Uuuugghhhh oooooooooooMove your body parts, sexy Oooo…Sexy body parts Uhhhhhgghh… sexy parts parts Move your body parts, sexy Oooo…Sexy body parts Uhhhhhgghh… sexy parts parts Upper body parts Lower body parts Front body parts Back body partsMove your body parts, sexy Oooo…Sexy body parts Uhhhhhgghh… sexy parts parts Move your body parts, sexy Oooo…Sexy body parts Uhhhhhgghh… sexy parts parts Upper body parts Lower body parts Front body parts Back body parts
james booker, graham reynolds, allen shawn, champion jack dupree, JLL, liberace
Country Bears, Keith Reynolds' Wizard of Oz, Ball in the House (Relative Evil), Daydream Believer, BLP's Macbeth
:20 minute workout
tv guide, bible, anarchist's cookbook, hippy's guide to JIHAD
chris farley, w.c.fields, p.t.barnum, peaches, joe mathlete