About Me
I want you to know I am already your leader.
I am very powerful. My Carrot Kung Fu © and and The Kung Fu Carrots © I grow can provoke jelousy,
even in the Gods.
And so it came to be that the Carrot God decided that he had to eliminate me or face the inferiority of his carrots and his Kung Fu.
The Carrot God did a most ungodly thing, he hired an assassin. Now you may not know this, but I do, the Carrot God has an eye for the ladies. So, of course, he chose his assassin from the Ninja Cat School which has nothing but beautiful feline ninja, trained to kill without remorse.
The most beautiful and deadly Ninja of them all, Yuki, was chosen to deliver me to death's door. How could she have known that she would be unable to resist my charms?
But how could I resist her beauty?
To be Continued...
Join Now!
$500 Suggested Donation
(Not Optional)
My name is Lord Carrot and I am actually 250 years old. This machine, though useful, does not allow for the full expression of my glory which eminates from me humbly . I cannot even record my true age on it.
I spend my time upon this plane spreading the light that is the Carrot Kung Fu .
You are welcome to join me and my followers even though
you may not be worthy to join my cult .
Your non-optional suggested donation of $500
(which is the bare miniumum, and an insult frankly, if you wish to improve yourself you WILL donate more)
starts you on your journey to enlightenment.
I operate on several planes of existance, naturally, but maybe you didn't notice because this machine dulls my impact, as I've already noted.
My qualities have been admired (and imitated!) by many celebrity types, not that I'm into that.
This is NOT a good picture of me! and it's very small!
The Chuck Dukowski SEXTET have placed a picture me on their current album cover, it is not in the center, it's sort of up in the corner. Honestly, I don't feel that it's the most flattering picture of me.
I look a little arrogant, which of course I'm not.
But then it is difficult to capture my essence, as I've said. Had they tried a little harder they probably would have increased their album sales. But hey, I'm not their boss, if they want to ignore my advice, that's their loss. Anyway, that's not the only thing I have going on. Other, more thoughtful, fans of mine have expressed their admiration by placing my image on the fronts of t-shirts.
They can be purchased at loranorton.com In addition, lovely posters, with FLATTERING pictures of me demonstrating my Carrot Kung Fu can also be purchased at the previously mentioned web thing.
See, here I look OK, though not as good as I look in real life.
