Lauren profile picture

Lauren

I am here for Friends

About Me

Why is it that of all of the things that are not okay about Donald Trump (hair, ridiculously young trophy wife, the fact that he has impregnated his young trophy wife by having sex with her, his horrifying idea of interior design) does his inability to speak in an inside voice plague me most of all?

My Interests

I am excellent at breaking into things with big knives.

I'd like to meet:

someone who knows what I mean when I say "jinkies."

Music:

I was raised on Oldies, musicals, and The Judds.

Movies:

Top ten: Adaptation, The Graduate, High Fidelity, All About Eve, Terms of Endearment, When Harry Met Sally, Reality Bites, The Big Lebowski, The Little Mermaid, The Royal Tenenbaums. Alternates: Sleepaway Camp, Rosemary's Baby, Pretty Woman, The Wedding Singer, Truman Show, Forrest Gump, and Best in Show.

Television:

If I had Tivo, I would never leave the house. I would load Sims onto my computer and get that Peapod grocery service and would just stay in my apartment until it developed a musky smell.

Books:

In order to impress people, I should write about how much I love Joseph Campbell and John Steinbeck and Kurt Vonegut and Toni Morrison and David Sedaris, AND I DO. But I'd be a big liar if I didn't say that Valley of the Dolls by Jaqueline Suzanne is one of the most enjoyable literary experiences that I've ever had.