Well, I'm a cat...
I'm a 7 year old Silver Tabby.
I like to Play Fetch... A LOT! I want to play fetch when you wake up, when you're trying to watch TV, when you're trying to go to bed.
If you do not play fetch I will bother you.
I will paw at you, meow at you, and even poke you in the chest. I like to Jiggle boobies too, it's not my fault they're in my way when I'm trying to get your attention to come play with me.
When I want your attention you will know it, until then don't bother me because there's a good chance that I will bite you.
Usually when the humans of the house are standing around and I want attention... I jump up at them so they must catch me.
I really like to open the bathroom door when someone's in there trying to pee. Then I just sit there in front of them watching them pee, or I jump up on the sink and stare into the drain waiting for water to magically appear.
Sometimes I get a little crazy and run around and jump half-way up the kitchen doorframe and slide down.
The humans declawed me because I scratched all the paint off the door frame.
I also enjoy sitting on the bathroom sink. I sit up there and wait for someone to come in and use the sink so I can drink sink water.
I eat houseplants and flowers.
I stalk and eat bugs.
I like to throw up on the rug.
When I get mad at someone I poop on the carpet.
I get mad when the humans don't let me go upstairs when they go upstairs.
When I get in trouble I run around the house and go hide upside-down under the coffee table in the living room.
I lay there for a while and scratch the underside of the table with my back legs because it's funny. If someone comes over to the table I try to slide out and attack them upside-down
When I'm bored I like to attack the other retarded cat that's in the house.
When I take a good healthy poop in the litter box and forget to cover it, I like make everyone proud of me by running around the house making funny howling noises.
I like to lick my butt and the place where my balls used to be.
