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"About Me" paragraphs are traps - the veil behind which pretense and bad poetry hide.They are constructed in the fashion of elaborate french pastries: intricate and seemingly dense; but ultimately flaky and lacking a rigid structure.Painful analogies aside, these things are dangerous. Those of you who know me, know me - for those of you that don't, I present a brief primer:1) I am many things without being one exact thing - a long time ago, I wanted to be a writer; after that, I wanted to be an editor; now I just want to want to be something. (gloomy, huh?)2) I tell jokes of varying quality. When they are good, they are very good; when they are bad . . . well.3) I play video games, but I claim that it is because I am interested in the "unique synthesis of player input and developer intent."4) I read books. Which books? Ask.5) I write. Poorly.6) I am an incredibly dull person, and will continue to be so until such time as a treatment is discovered.7) I have never been to Ireland, but when very drunk, I speak in a very convincing Irish brogue.8) I would stalk more celebrities if they would have the common courtesy to come to ME rather than make me come to THEM.9) I hate Hot Topic (even though I have bought several shirts from them) and consumer culture in general (even though I own more DVDs than anyone I know).10) You know that guy that John Cusack plays in EVERY movie? The mildly charming, sarcastic guy that gets the girl in the end because of his persistance and good nature? That's me, minus the good nature and minus the girl.Finally,11) I will defeat you at movie trivia contests. Do not attempt to disprove this - it is a natural law as concrete as gravity; to go against it is to attempt to defy nature itself.