In the Aisles lives a quiet newsletterly existence. Except when yelling obscenities at the neighbors.
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[I've been double posting stuff both here in this profiley part and in the blog section. Yeah, I know that's dumb...]
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No one has ever said: When I grow up I want to work in a fish processing plant
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My 37th birthday is fast approaching and all I really want is a bench grinder.
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Labeling your band "experimental" seems to give you carte blanche to totally suck. I'm pretty positive this exchange has occurred:
guy #1: "This band sucks."
guy #2: "They're experimental."
guy #1: "Oh, they're experimental. Then they're really good."
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I’m sick and fucking tired of this whole presidential election bullshit. Someone please make it stop! And the media coverage of it is just relentless. I can’t believe we Americans consistently fall for the bullshit that these bullshitters try to lay on us. Presidential candidates are the only people who, when asked a simple “yes or no†question, give a long-winded 14-sentence answer which contains neither the word yes nor the word no. Hell, they don’t even give us a fuckin’ maybe!
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I know it's winter and all but fireflies are friggin' cool.
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I heard a radio commercial a while back for Jack Daniel's. At the end of it the announcer said that Jack Daniel’s "...reminds you to drink responsibly." How exactly does one go about drinking Jack Daniel's responsibly? Is that even possible? I guess it would go like this: Slam back a shot of Jack, stand up, yell "Yee-haw!" and throw your shot glass through the mirror behind the bar. Sit on the bar stool and patiently wait 59 minutes and 57 seconds for your body to metabolize the alcohol. Repeat.
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I was at someone’s house and saw a book “How to Make Money from Home with Your Computer†on the table. It must’ve been 300 pages long. 300 pages? Does it really take 300 pages to say “Take pictures of your pussy and put them on the internet�
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Cuddling is something guys must endure to get sex. Sex is something chicks must endure to get cuddling.
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With the [regrettable] wussification of automobile design that has occurred since the 1970's I don't think cars these days have anything you can rightfully call a "fender".
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I love "The Deadliest Catch." And now I'm getting into "Ice Road Truckers" as well. They're great shows. Both shows enable viewers to work vicariously through these guys in "mind-numbingly tedious jobs in horrible working conditions". You wouldn't think that would make for good television, but it does. Using this model, what shows are next?
"Thruway Tollbooth Collector"
"Quality Control at the Ball Bearing Factory"
"3rd Shift Assembly Line Workers"
"Nighttime Office Cleaners"
"Inspected by 8"
"Guys Who Pump Out the Porto-Johns"
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If I somehow couldn't play air guitar for a week I think my arms would fuckin' fall off.
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My impression of the media:
Global warming. Global warming. Global warming. Global warming. Global warming. Global warming. Global warming. Those new small fluorescent bulbs. Global warming. Global warming. Global warming.
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If your friend lends you money so your girlfriend can get an abortion you GOTTA pay him back, man.
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Beating up the smart kid - making average kids feel better about themselves since 3500 B.C.
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"It's not my favorite" - Bear Gryllis of "Man vs Wild", on drinking his own urine (Australian outback episode)
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I just sent an email to a friend of mine, who just happens to be gay. He and his partner are good friends of mine, so my email was written as if it was to both of them. At the end I wrote, "Hope you guys are dong well." Yeah, I left the "i" out of "doing". Luckily I caught it as I was proofreading, because, while they probably would have recognized it as a typo, they may have thought I was trying to say "Hope your guy's dongs are well." Which is totally not what I meant (though I guess I DO hope their dongs are doing well. I mean, I guess I do. I never thought about it. I certainly don't wish any ill-will on their dongs, so I guess I do in fact wish their dongs are doing well.)
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If your job involves a good deal of sanding - you know, with sandpaper - I give you a lot of credit for not blowing your brains out. 'Cause sanding absolutely sucks. It sucks. Trust me, it sucks.
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Shows of interest (Albany, NY):
8/17 Palatypus at Red Square
8/18 Troy's 1st Annual Chowderfest: Soup is good. In theory at least. In actuality, soup is pretty lame. Except clam chowder (New Englangonly! Don't try to give any of that Manhattan clam chowder - that shit sucks). So the concept of a "Chowderfest" is great, but who the hell picked the date? August 18th? A soup-based event in smack in the middle of August. Who is the dumb-dumb responsible for this? Maybe if it was "Chowderslushiefest". Oooooh, a chowderslushie sounds quite tasty on such a hot summer's eve.
