I'd like to meet:
I'd like to meet people who are going to be nice to me. If you aren't going to be nice then keep away. I'd hate to have to add even more names to the PEOPLE I HATE AND AVOID AT ALL COSTS list.This list includes some of the worst people I have ever met:
Alan the imbecilic dribbling lecherous twat from the Shitbakers Arms - O how I hate him! I'd like to break his face, Tony his google-eyed freak buddy also from the Shitbakers Arms - I'd like to break his face too, Madge Dalton - the big fat freak, Teeth, fat Carol, the Bracchi, Creepy Steve, Michele, Beppo, Jade S, Jayde W, Mr Cody, Mrs Mason, the McPhee sisters, Dr S, Dr Tak, Dr Racoon who needs psychiactric care, Lisa the crap mardy cow from HR Services, Burton-gerbil-Stepan, Bitch Bishop, and Igor.
If I could be with anyone in the world right now it would be with my boyfriend Jon or my bestest girlie chums.
The last person I want to meet is Paolo Maldini (but I do long to meet him) because I always said if I saw him face to face I would drop dead instantly but I would have died very very happy.
Music:
The best tracks ever written are Only Happy When It Rains by Garbage and Summer Night City by Abba (which I swear contains the word 'fucking'). My most played tracks while tail-gaiting (and shunting) the elderly around Nottinghamshire's roads are currently Faith No More's Midlife Crisis, Bruises by Sandrine, Living for the Weekend by Hard-fi and Maneater by Nelly Furtado.
If I was a wrestler (which I'm not), that would be my entrance theme and there would be a film of me furtively biting men showing on the Titan Tron.
Drive faster you dithering old bastards!
Movies:
For a film to be good it must contain at least one of the following:
a fit man, dancing, a dwarf, or an albino.
If all these required elements are lacking in a film then it is unlikely that I would would want to watch it.
Exceptions are:
All The President's Men, Nikita, and Last Seduction.
Television:
I love Jeremy Kyle. I love the way he abuses scroats and scrubbers for our entertainment. I like the way he gets up in their faces and tells them how insideous they are as a social service. I want to do that job. I want to tell the scummy how they and their parents before them should have been steralised (which he frequently infers) and be protected from having them kick my teeth in. It would just be perfect even without his massive salary.
I also love Neighbours (but only if I've looked ahead on the Austrailan forums to find out what happens because I hate the suspense - it troubles me and makes me bite my nails), and Strictly Come Dancing which I get addicted to and watch on repeat several times a week.
I would like a repeat of Big Train so I don't have to buy the DVD in order to see Mark Heap being Ming the Merciless again. That was good!
Books:
I did a degree in English Literature which obviously wiped out any desire to ever pick up a work of fiction again.
If I want to know what happens in a book, I simply ask someone who has already read it.
Non-fiction has been more productive.
The Whole Woman by Germaine Greer helped me re-install my brain.