Timoneer profile picture

Timoneer

filthyjogger

About Me

If you're a kid growing up these days, sooner or later, someone's going to offer you drugs. "Go ahead, try some of these," they'll say. "They'll make you feel great. Come on, everybody's doing it. Don't you want to be cool?" People have told me all these things and plenty more, but I just tell them to buzz off. I tell them I don't need drugs to get high or be cool: I can do it with alcohol, my anti-drug. The pushers who hang around the playground behind my school are always going on about the amazing high you get from drugs. But I don't see how it can compare to the pure, natural, 100 percent legal high I get from drinking alcohol. Who needs the artificial escape drugs provide when a good, stiff belt of Jim Beam or José Cuervo can put your head in the clouds while keeping your feet firmly planted on the ground? Sure, at first, drugs may make you feel pretty good. But it's not real. Before long, you're using more and more, even as you're feeling worse and worse. Then, other things will start going wrong for you, too: Your friends won't seem to hang around you anymore, and you'll have new friends who only care about the drugs. Your grades will start to slip. Your memory will go. And your health will fade. All because of drugs. Don't take that risk: Find something healthy, like alcohol, to take the place of drugs in your life. So, the next time you feel the urge to smoke some marijuana, try reaching for a big bottle of Bacardi instead. The sneaky thing about drugs is how they make you feel like everything's okay when it's not. Drugs alter the way you perceive things. They change the way you behave and cause you to lose control of yourself. Who wants that? I don't know about you, but I like being in control of my actions. That's why, whenever I feel tempted to wander down the wrong road, I pour myself a nice, stiff drink, thanking my lucky stars that I've got alcohol, my personal anti-drug. Why would anyone in their right mind want to get "stoned" or "fried"? I'd rather spend my time engaged in more constructive activities, like "wetting my whistle," "liquoring up," or "filling myself with liquid courage." You know, positive things. With alcohol, the glass is always half full. (When it isn't completely full, that is.) Now, maybe you don't care for alcohol. That's okay. What's not okay, though, is getting hooked on an addictive, controlled substance like pot, cocaine, or heroin. Find a healthy substitute, something you can get really into, something that can be your anti-drug. It could be anything: Learn to play blackjack or the ponies. Explore kleptomania. Have sex with an endless parade of random strangers. Anything that makes you feel good, as long as it isn't drugs. It's your life, and you have to learn to make your own choices. But choosing drugs? That's no choice at all. Nothing beats the adrenaline rush that comes from knowing you're drug-free. And, if you're drug-free, you're free, period. I like that feeling, and I like myself. I'm high on life, because I'm high on alcohol, my anti-drug.

My Interests

Produce Lord of the Google | Index all sheep in the universe | AdSense for Sheep | Robotic repair of broken computers | Robots that build other robots | Robot army | Bring Segways back | Automate customers | Teleportation | Currency “goobles” | Google Biotech (gene manipulation, cloning) | Google Compound | Time travel | Eat bananas | Elimination of Evil | Buy Mars | Rent France | Google Classic Infant Rib Hat | Collapse of existing governments | Google - elgoog | Google hedge funds | Google Card | More diversity | More assgaskets | Google pants | Total information awareness (aka fish pods) | Google Teeth (TM) | Google rocket | Hire Richard Branson | Fake “Google Dentist” blog | Google Gulp (mango flavor) | Google Youth | Arctic data centers | Reality Google | Identify cause of autism | Hire rouge scientists | Google China | Dolphins w/ lasers | Acquire NASA | Google Goo | Jurvetson bots | Plug-in hybrids | AdSense on the Alps | Google EDA | Automated Chip Design | Orbital Mind Control | Private Internet | Network Computer | Plan 9 | Plan 10 | Self-aware, self-actualizing, self-design, self-healing, self-managed datacenters (of doom) | Build singularity | Cheap, clean energy | Introduce Google TLD | Anti-anti Aircraft Gun Defamation League | Walled Garden | Keyhole | SketchUp | Repopulate Google | Replace GNU code with BSD | Eliminate all but one man | Google Purge | Implement G4 blame for Google Master Plan | Self-aware Cities | Google View | Browser | Google Office | Buy AOL | Broadband over power line | Wireless antenna using power lines | Control of ICANN | Wi-Fi | Wi-NOT | Peer-to-peer | Google Doggie Drinks | Learn to sing “Google Song” | Sound cancellation | Noosphere | Instant Account Verification | Micropayments | Spam | Levitation | Connecting the Solar System with a wireless network searchable in under 1 ns | Child care kinderplex | Stay uncertain | Google.gcv | Google Telemarketing | World peace | Google nobel award (TM) | Hire Joss Whedon | Fire English teachers | Remake of whole Babylon 5 series | And also that movie Labyrinth | Industrial strength shark repellant “Batman" style | Invest in Malaysia | Legion of super-pets | Make the world a better place via the power of bacon.

I'd like to meet:

These Guys All Died Laughing... 1. CALCHAS (Greek soothsayer, c. 12th century BC) 2. ZEUXIS (Greek painter, 5th century BC) 3. PHILEMON (Greek poet, c.236-263) 4. CHRYSIPPUS (Greek philosopher, 3rd century BC) 5. PIETRO ARETINO (Italian author, 1492-1556) 6. THOMAS URQUHART (Scottish writer and translator, 1611-60) 7. MRS FITZHERBERT (English widow, d.1782) 8. ALEX MITCHELL (English bricklayer, 1925-75) 9. OLE BENTZEN (Danish physician, d.1989)

Music:

Afro Cuban All-stars, Animal Liberation Orchestra, Bad Reliogion, The Band, The Bar Keys, Beasie Boys, Beck, Bela Fleck, Billy Brag, The Black Keys, Blind Willie McTell, Blues Traveler, Bob Dylan, Bob MArley, Bobby Bare Jr., Built to Spill, Cake, Citizen Cope, Dan the Automator, Dave Mathews, Davis Bowie, The Devil Makes Three, Dr. Dre, David Grsman, Eminem, Flaming Lips, Fugazi, Funkadelic, Galactic, Grateful Dead, Handsome Boy Modeling School, Hank 1 and 3, Hot Club of Cowtown, Iron and Wine, Jane's Addiction, Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Cliff, John Lennon, John Prine, John Vanderslice, Johnny Cash, John Spencer Blues Explosion, King Floyd, The Kinks, Kyus, Little Feat, Lotus, Matt Costa, Medeski Martin and Wood, Merel Haggard, Modest Mouse, The Mother Hips, Neil Young, Okay Go, NoFx, OCMS, Otis Redding, A Pefect Circle, Patsy Cline, Peter Gabriel, Peter Tosh, Phish, Queen, Rage, Ricky Skaggs, Rollerball, Rusted Root, Sausage, The Shins, Snoop, Sublime, Talking Heads, Two Gallants, The Waifs, Ween, The White Stripes, Yonder Mountain String Band... and many more

Movies:

Star Wars (1977), dir. George Lucas The Godfather (1972), dir. Francis Ford Coppola Pulp Fiction (1994), dir. Quentin Tarantino Casablanca (1942), dir. Michael Curtiz Gone With The Wind (1939), dir. Victor Fleming Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), dir. Steven Spielberg Schindler's List (1993), dir. Steven Spielberg Citizen Kane (1941), dir. Orson Welles The Empire Strikes Back (1980), dir. Irvin Kershner It's A Wonderful Life (1946), dir. Frank Capra The Silence of the Lambs (1991), dir. Jonathan Demme Braveheart (1995), dir. Mel Gibson E.T. - The Extra-Terrestrial (1982), dir. Steven Spielberg The Godfather Part II (1974), dir. Francis Ford Coppola Forrest Gump (1994), dir. Robert Zemeckis Apocalypse Now (1979), dir. Francis Ford Coppola 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), dir. Stanley Kubrick The Shawshank Redemption (1994), dir. Frank Darabont The Wizard of Oz (1939), dir. Victor Fleming Independence Day (1996), dir. Roland Emmerich GoodFellas (1990), dir. Martin Scorsese Blade Runner (1982), dir. Ridley Scott Return of the Jedi (1983), dir. Richard Marquand Jaws (1975), dir. Steven Spielberg Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996), dir. Mike Judge Die Hard (1988), dir. John McTiernan One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (1975), dir. Milos Forman The Sound of Music (1965), dir. Robert Wise Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb (1964), dir. Stanley Kubrick The Usual Suspects (1995), dir. Bryan Singer Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994), dir. Tom Shadyac Lawrence of Arabia (1962), dir. David Lean A Clockwork Orange (1971), dir. Stanley Kubrick Taxi Driver (1976), dir. Martin Scorsese The Graduate (1967), dir. Mike Nichols Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), dir. James Cameron The Terminator (1984), dir. James Cameron Fargo (1996), dir. Joel Coen North By Northwest (1959), dir. Alfred Hitchcock Rear Window (1954), dir. Alfred Hitchcock Raging Bull (1980), dir. Martin Scorsese Grease (1978), dir. Randal Kleiser Singin' In The Rain (1952), dir. Stanley Donen and Gene Kelly Reservoir Dogs (1992), dir. Quentin Tarantino Psycho (1960), dir. Alfred Hitchcock Aliens (1986), dir. James Cameron Annie Hall (1977), dir. Woody Allen Vertigo (1958), dir. Alfred Hitchcock Dances With Wolves (1990), dir. Kevin Costner The Princess Bride (1987), dir. Rob Reiner Top Gun (1986), dir. Tony Scott Unforgiven (1992), dir. Clint Eastwood Seven (1995), dir. David Fincher West Side Story (1961), dir. Robert Wise, Jerome Robbins Chinatown (1974), dir. Roman Polanski The Piano (1993), dir. Jane Campion Field of Dreams (1989), dir. Phil Alden Robinson The Rock (1996), dir. Michael Bay Trainspotting (1996), dir. Danny Boyle Jerry Maguire (1996), dir. Cameron Crowe The Deer Hunter (1978), dir. Michael Cimino (Monty Python's) Life of Brian (1979), dir. Terry Jones Some Like It Hot (1959), dir. Billy Wilder Jurassic Park (1993), dir. Steven Spielberg The Bridge On The River Kwai (1957), dir. David Lean Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), dir. Steven Spielberg The Maltese Falcon (1941), dir. John Huston Twister (1996), dir. Jan De Bont Ben-Hur (1959), dir. William Wyler Heat (1995), dir. Michael Mann When Harry Met Sally...(1989), dir. Rob Reiner The Philadelphia Story (1940), dir. George Cukor Back to the Future (1989), dir. Robert Zemeckis Apollo 13 (1995), dir. Ron Howard Rocky (1976), dir. John G. Avildsen Blue Velvet (1986), dir. David Lynch Amadeus (1984), dir. Milos Forman Speed (1994), dir. Jan De Bont Dead Poets Society (1989), dir. Peter Weir Rain Man (1988), dir. Barry Levinson The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966), dir. Sergio Leone Midnight Cowboy (1969), dir. John Schlesinger Manhattan (1979), dir. Woody Allen The Lion King (1994), dir. Roger Allers, Rob Minkoff Platoon (1986), dir. Oliver Stone Brazil (1985), dir. Terry Gilliam All About Eve (1950), dir. Joseph Mankiewicz Raising Arizona (1987), dir. Joel Coen The Breakfast Club (1985), dir. John Hughes The Quiet Man (1952), dir. John Ford Doctor Zhivago (1965), dir. David Lean A Time to Kill (1996), dir. Joel Schumacher Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961), dir. Blake Edwards A Few Good Men (1992), dir. Rob Reiner Tootsie (1982), dir. Sydney Pollack The Fugitive (1993), dir. Andrew Davis The English Patient (1996), dir. Anthony Minghella Toy Story (1995), dir. John Lasseter Alien (1979), dir. Ridley Scott Patton (1970), dir. Franklin Schaffner

Television:

The Office The Simpsons Family Guy Futurama Daily Show Colbert Report Mytbusters

Books:

One Fish, The Encyclopedia, Are You Carzy, Freakonomics, The Illuminati Papers, M.T.I.V., Purmethius Rising, Still Life with Woodpecker, Fight Club, Lullaby, Choke, Poker Without Cards, Prometheus Rising, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Jurassic Park, The Dragonlance Chronicles(original trilogy), The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, Catcher in the Rye, Galapagos, Cat's Cradle, The Eaters of the Dead

Heroes:

Dick Jenseck, Paul Stanz, Phil Shumacher, Carl Wheen, Carrie Hyutten, Bill Dang, Charles Critton, Samual Kifflan, Arnnie Stacks, Kevin Dent, Erin Starchus, Karen Gwetttle, Anne Flits, Frank Fillver, Stuart Phpoon, and You...