Born in Greece to my father Zeus and my mother King David, i had a regular childhood hunting demons and returning them to Hades, slaying invading barbarians, developing my magical powers, having water fights, riding my bike and playing kiss chase.
Of course childhood can't last forever, and soon i was given my own kingdom that i named Blackpool.
I married my pet goat and made her my queen, and we ruled our kingdom without incident for centuries.
These peaceful times were brought to an end when an invading army known as "Chavs" defeated my army and laid waste to our borders.
Having spent most of my recent years playing Pong, milking my wife, and drinking the finest beer known to man, i was not prepared for these attacks and had lost all combat skills and the only magic powers i had left were useless(i could change water into cider, twigs into cigs, and make the weak minded piss themselves).
I was defeated by the Chavs and made to watch as they taunted my wife with a jar of mint sauce (the bastards!). Defeated i left, alone, weak and naked (this was my choice mind you). I returned to my homeland disguised as a travelling entertainer. The local people were kind enough to let me stay, dancing for them to pay my rent(i must point out i did not lap dance, they all had to pay for that).
To this day i dance, and people come from all over the world to watch me. The only regret i have is that i left my beloved goat in Blackpool, never to see her again.
This is my story, my name is Bouff and i was once great, now only pretty.