Hey bitches, this is the G-Rizzle. Chilling in the place to be, Rocking from the bottom to the t-o-p. I'm old, but I still love pussy. Black or White, I don't give a fuck. Damn, I'd like to stick my pinkie in Lindsey Lohan's ass crack. She makes me want to shove a pickle up my ass while waiting for a pie to cool. I'd eat vanilla pudding out of Halle Berry's soiled panties. Ass Man is my Ace Kool. We used to smoke rock salt in the back of his mom's Pinto. I milked a Bull one time. Damn that's some salty milk... sticky too. I used to stalk a girl in Arizona, she was a softball player. Fine as hell, til she hauled ass with a retarded kid from the short bus. His I.Q. was about as high as my sperm count. I once swabbed a man's nipples with a paint brush. I'm not gay, but I one time sat in the room while a bunch of fags did a bunch of gay shit.......to me. I was smoking weed and drinking ripple though, so that shit don't really count. I just pretended that my man-snake was being suckled by some ugly ho's..... with balls. It doesn't matter if a blowjob comes from a he-she, just as long as you don't look 'em in the eye. You ain't queer if you don't make eye contact, and that shit is a scientific fact. Lamont taught me that shit... Puff Daddy sent me a bunch of Proactiv after that one night stand I had with Jessica Simpson, crazy girl smeared nacho cheese and cool whip all over my old ass. That stuff gave me zits from the back of my knees to inside of my ears. And it was months before I got all the crabs out of my beard. WrathofJosh is also a damn good friend of mine. That's a scary white boy, thought he was gonna whip my ass when we first met but he just wanted to smoke a doobie. A friend with weed is a friend of mine. You just gotta ignore all the blood and whatnot. I'd like to punch Rosie O'Donnell in the nuts. I don't beat my dick like it owes me money, but I work my hairy boys like they stole something from me. I drank Absinthe with Hunter Thompson in the 70's, I smoked hashish with Johnny Depp in the 90's, and I threw a ham sandwich at some lady in a wheelchair yesterday. She wouldn't let me nibble in her cabbage patch. I was the captain of a sea barge one time. I was drunk on one shift and I had hired a hooker. She was laying on the bed in the Captain's Chambers and complained of a stabbing pain to the ass. I said "there's an oar incoming on the starboard side at three knots. Shut the fuck up and roll over honey." After that I opted for early retirement. I settled down with a subscription to SWANK magazine, re-runs of Sanford and Son, and three bottles of Colt .45 everyday.
