marfan profile picture

marfan

marfan

About Me

to whom it may concern:

nearly every "person" (if you could call them that!)that i have interacted with has taken advantage of me, made wrong assumptions about me not in my favor, or totally misunderstood me. just b/c i do not act just like them, they (sometimes subconsciously) jump to the conclusion that i must be crazy, stupid, evil, or immoral. for my whole life, i have given everyone the benefit of a doubt when they did something that i did not like. just b/c i don't know what they're doing doesn't mean that it's wrong. but i am starting to realize that instead of returning my courtesy, they prefer to take advantage of my timidity. they have physically & verbally pounced on me & caused emotional turmoil that only brain injury could override. the more reasonable ones just ignore me. i am depressed, edgy, lonely, & withdrawn. but none of those weaknesses stop me from being logical or reasonable.

i have gone to @ least one wkly support group for more than a yr. i have gone to shrink after shrink, the longest for 9 months. i have read a whole stack of self help & psychology books. prozac, testosterone, & now, ativan, are fine but not enough.

i am out of energy, $$, & out of ideas.

so i have ridden a bike outside of (previous county of residence), which i have done before. except this time, i don't plan on returning (in the near future). b/c i am too uptight, i need to unwind before i (try to) come up with an answer to the question of where i went wrong.

very truly yours,

marfan

My Interests

pollution, conservation

every living thing has to hrrt other living things just to remain alive.

crime, disabilities, diseases, disorders, semantics, mtf, weapons, mental illnesses, mood disorders, food, novels, bdsm, rejection, loneliness, hrrting, emotional turmoil, suicide, homicide, genocide, depression, writing

i am a rejected, misunderstood female to male transsexual. when i look in the mirror, i still see grrl. but only like once every 4 months does someone call me "she." maybe b/c there are a lot of effeminate asian boys & very few female to male transsexual asians.

Music:

drummania

ddr

Movies:

"harold & maude"

Books:

"you don't know me"

Heroes:

charles andrew williams

charles bishop, tampa, florida

joseph daniel scruggs

andrew martinez, the naked guy

mills darden & charles milles manson(namesake)

antoine marfan (namesake)

eric harris & dylan klebold

peter the wild boy

My Blog

juggling

as of 12/2/07, juggled 4 balls for 208 catches.  almost ready to juggle 5 balls, after practicing a couple more skills.
Posted by marfan on Mon, 03 Dec 2007 08:59:00 PST

earwax

age 15:  while digging in ear with q-tip, the cotton came off.  couldn't get that shit out.  scared to death that would go deaf.  but just some discharge & some different sensa...
Posted by marfan on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 09:41:00 PST

stranger than fiction:

october 2004 my former friend took my car.  pretty much freaked out & got even more distraught than usual.  but then in december 2004 while riding a bike 10 miles from house, found car.&...
Posted by marfan on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 08:53:00 PST