About Me
Alrighty, then ... picture this if you will.10 to 2 AM, X, Yogi DMT, and a box of Krispy Kremes, in my "need to know" pose, just outside of Area 51 Contemplating the whole "chosen people" thingy when a flaming stealth banana split the sky like one would hope but never really expect to see in a place like this. Cutting right angle donuts on a dime and stopping right at my Birkenstocks, and me yelping...Holy fucking shit!Then the X-Files being, Looking like some kind of blue-green Jackie Chan with Isabella Rossellini lips, and breath that reeked of vanilla Chig Champa Did a slow-mo Matrix descent Outta the butt end of the banana vessel And hovered above my bug-eyes, my gaping jaw, and my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip, and all I could think was: "I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice that I pissed my fuckin' pants."So light in his way, Like an apparition, [that] He had me crying out, "Fuck me It's gotta be the Deadhead Chemistry The blotter got [right] on top of me Got me seein' E-motherfuckin'-T!"And after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning, E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose. He said, "You are the Chosen One, the One who will deliver the message. A message of hope for those who choose to hear it and a warning for those who do not." Me. The Chosen One? They chose me!!! And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school.You'd better... You'd better... You'd better... You'd better listen.Then he looked right through me With somniferous almond eyes Don't even know what that means Must remember to write it down This is so real Like the time Dave floated away See, my heart is pounding 'Cause this shit never happens to meI can't breathe right now!It was so real, Like I woke up in Wonderland. All sorta terrifying I don't wanna be all alone While I tell this story. And can anyone tell me why Y'all sound like Peanuts parents? Will I ever be coming down? This is so real Finally, it's my lucky day See, my heart is racing 'Cause this shit never happens to meI can't breathe right now!You believe me, don't you? Please believe what I've just said! See the Dead ain't touring And this wasn't all in my head. See, they took me by the hand And invited me right in. Then they showed me something I don't even know where to begin.Strapped down [to] my bed Feet cold [and] eyes red I'm out of my head Am I alive? Am I dead? Can't remember what they said God damn, shit the bed.Hey ...Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position. Such a heavy burden now to be the One Born to bear and bring to all the details of our ending, To write it down for all the world to see.But I forgot my pen Shit the bed again ... Typical.Strapped down [to] my bed Feet cold and eyes red I'm out of my head Am I alive? Am I dead? Sunkist and Sudafed * Gyroscopes and infrared Won't help, I'm brain dead Can't remember what they said God damn, shit the bedI can't remember what they said to me Can't remember what they said to make me out to be the hero Can't remember what they said Bob help me! Can't remember what they said[We] don't know, [and we] won't knowGod damn, shit the bed!3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820 9749445923078164062862089986280348253421170679 821480865132823066470938446095505822317253594081284811174502 8410270193852110555964462294895493038196 442881097566593344612847564823378678316527120190914564856692 3460348610454326648213393607260249141273 724587006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360 0113305305488204665213841469519415116094 330572703657595919530921861173819326117931051185480744623799 6274956735188575272489122793818301194912 983367336244065664308602139494639522473719070217986094370277 0539217176293176752384674818467669405132 000568127145263560827785771342757789609173637178721468440901 2249534301465495853710507922796892589235 420199561121290219608640344181598136297747713099605187072113 4999999837297804995105973173281609631859 502445945534690830264252230825334468503526193118817101000313 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