alice profile picture

alice

how you gonna win when you ain't right within?

About Me

there's a chapter of winnie the pooh that the public never got to read -- censors said it was too steamy for children. a.a. milne tried to get it published in hustler but i think his agent put a stop to it right away. anyway, what happens is that Piglet and Eeyore crack into Pooh's mead supply and get royally hammered. oh man they were sauced. and you know (i know YOU know) how these things happen -- a sunset, a flushed cheek, the longing for touch, the ephemeral daring of the drink -- one thing leads to another and Piglet confesses long repressed romantic feelings towards his donkey friend; Eeyore in turn confides to Piglet that he's been a lady donkey all along. their candor takes a physical turn and low and behold Piglet's riding bareback for the first time in his life (well, that is -- if the chaps are assless ones, does it still count as bareback?). their passion peaks -- or rather, his does -- the lovers separate, share a look that should have been a kiss, and part ways. neither speak of it again. ever.unbeknownst to Piglet, he sired a soul that night. some months later that soul-baby clawed forth from Eeyore's womb only to be abandoned at the nearest convent hours after. for you see, it was a human baby their combined moisture made -- a human baby the nun's called alice. alice sharp. that's me.
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My Interests

flavor ice, fans, kettle chips, catch, a swing, franny the destroyer, sleeping in, porches, the movies, entertainment about awkward people, brunch, dogs wrasslin.

I'd like to meet:

often i don't understand the well-dressed and good-smelling. of course, i'll try, if you want.

Music:

i'd prefer trumpets. two trumpets is best.

Movies:

harold and maude, raising arizona, adaptation, big lebowski, annie hall, princess bride

Television:

arrested development, jeopardy, the office, six feet under,

Books:

nine stories, mama day, sula, franny and zooey, stuff

Heroes:

the modest and clever

My Blog

look, time, you're supposed to exact my revenge.

it wouldn't be prudent to tell you what i've just seen but damn damn damn.  i'll tell you these things about it:  i shouldn't have looked; it's just not fair; oh my god; i can only hope...
Posted by alice on Sat, 02 Jun 2007 10:03:00 PST

today

i've got an arthur miller-type optimism about the future.  i'm great.  people around me are great.  full of potential.  you just wait and see.  i dont' know anyone named biff,...
Posted by alice on Fri, 01 Jun 2007 12:28:00 PST

the big questions

can you die from watching too many tvd's? brain poisoning? bed sore infections? do i need to be concerned about these things? i housed all the office dvds, all the my name is earl, all the arreste...
Posted by alice on Tue, 26 Dec 2006 10:32:00 PST