there's a chapter of winnie the pooh that the public never got to read -- censors said it was too steamy for children. a.a. milne tried to get it published in hustler but i think his agent put a stop to it right away. anyway, what happens is that Piglet and Eeyore crack into Pooh's mead supply and get royally hammered. oh man they were sauced. and you know (i know YOU know) how these things happen -- a sunset, a flushed cheek, the longing for touch, the ephemeral daring of the drink -- one thing leads to another and Piglet confesses long repressed romantic feelings towards his donkey friend; Eeyore in turn confides to Piglet that he's been a lady donkey all along. their candor takes a physical turn and low and behold Piglet's riding bareback for the first time in his life (well, that is -- if the chaps are assless ones, does it still count as bareback?). their passion peaks -- or rather, his does -- the lovers separate, share a look that should have been a kiss, and part ways. neither speak of it again. ever.unbeknownst to Piglet, he sired a soul that night. some months later that soul-baby clawed forth from Eeyore's womb only to be abandoned at the nearest convent hours after. for you see, it was a human baby their combined moisture made -- a human baby the nun's called alice. alice sharp. that's me.
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