GuanXi Ltd.

GuanXi ltd. has risen from the ashes of the now defunct coolhandfilm to (hopefully) become a Hollywood powerhouse of B-Movies and bad acting......The humble beginnings of coolhandfilm started in 1996 with such flops as The Shipwrecked Treasure and of course the critically derided The Operation. Over the years GuanXi ltd. has continued to push out such box office and critical failures as poor old lu, Jacks Adventure, The Mines of Spoljaric, Illinois Smith and the Mummy of Queen Amidala, and countless other atrocities......However, new ground was broken in 2001 with the epic comedy Ma-tai, which featured for the first time a script, costumes, the Chinese language and actors outside the Dolan family. Despite being yet another critical and financial failure, a small yet dedicated cult following was established due to the films campy nature......Unfortunately, the small taste of success quickly turned sour with the companys 2002 release, the ill-advised Blue Harvest. This piece of crap was a war drama about paintball or something (we're still trying to erase the memories of that film). Unbeknownst to the makers of the film, it was entered into a film festival and garnered an award for Best Cinematography and was runner up for Best Picture. Those voters are idiots......Due to the poor reception of Blue Harvest and Lukey Dolan's attempted suicide as a result, it looked like the days of coolhandfilm were over. But fate stepped in: While evading taxes in China, Andrew Dolan brokered a deal with illegal independent video copiers Mr. Waytso and Mr. Wong who assumed ownership of the company and coolhandfilm became GuanXi ltd as we know it today......GuanXi ltd's first masterpiece titled MASSACREE! will be coming out this fall. Made with an unprecedented budget of $1,500, this soon to be classic film will be sure to land on many critics top ten lists or at least ours. This historical, full length epic is set in pre-revolutionary war New England, features an all-star cast and a non-pirated soundtrack......Shooting will soon commence on GuanXi ltd's follow up film Star: Every Girl Wants a Horse starring Emily Swenson and Andrew Dolan. This film is sure to be the family entertainment event of the century......