I might have been born without a sense of smell, but more than likely I was dropped on my head as a small child, which rendered my sense of smell null and void. Regardless, I am now olfactory challenged. Since I never know what I smell like, I shower with obsessive-compulsive regularity, and I have my wife smell all dairy products and leftovers before we tuck in.
My conundrum is I love to cook, and I love to watch people eat what I cook. But I often have no idea exactly what they taste when they eat what I cook.
I do have a sense of taste, but I’m sure I’m missing something. Some distinctness, I suppose. I don’t think my tongue has developed super human tasting abilities like those blind people who can hear a pin drop from a mile away. For example, I cannot distinguish between most flavors of Jolly Ranchers. They’re all just pure sweetness to me. Sour Apple I can pick out of a crowd, but Cherry and Strawberry are one in the same as far as my tongue is concerned. Now, if it were real strawberries and cherries, I can usually figure that out, and not by texture alone.
So, there it is. I don’t look upon myself as disabled, but I’m hardly complete. I’m not looking for pity; I just want to give everyone the heads up that you’re dealing with a guy with four senses, so everything I write here will be overshadowed by that. But if someone wanted to make a movie-of-the-week about my plight, all I have to say is if Brad’s all booked up, Colin could do in a pinch – just get him to shower first.
And I’m also a vegetarian for the time being. I don’t guarantee I’ll stay that way.
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