Jess, like all people her age, is 21. She was born in the thick of the Yorkshire Pennines and still hasn’t conquered the Hill of Evil to escape. After doing nothing but education and not a single day’s honest ‘ard graft, she is now deciding on what to do with the rest of her life. This may take her some time.
Currently Jess doesn’t do much, except when some lovely men are on the road, this is when she is in her prime. Jess also loves her friends, if only for the pointless banter, and enjoys trying to out-filth her chums. She is also addicted to Scrabble and doesn’t mind if she loses, she’s too much of an addict to care.
Jess loves words that sound funny. She thinks insults relating to faces (including her own) are hysterically funny, and is liable to giggle at anything that could be turned filthy. Her one weakness is the word, “Thrushâ€, which always guarantees a giggle. This, however, is not to be confused with the word, “Thrustâ€, which will only excite, and any misunderstanding of the two words will just make her confused, as well as worrying those around her by thinking she enjoys thrush.
Jess loves music, especially if it is silly, but is by no means musical herself. So far she has only mastered the kazoo, but continues to pine longingly for the ukulele with purple sparkles, which she looks at on eBay whilst saying, “It will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine…†Jess is also a nerd, and enjoys eating Nerds, and went to America twice this summer just to stock up for the long winter months ahead. She also loves Haribo and pies that are sweet.
Retard is Jess’ middle name (it’s not really, it’s Louise). Not a day goes by where Jess doesn’t say or do something incredibly stupid. This is aided by the fact that she looks like a freakishly tall 13 year old. If she’s not breaking bins in New York hotel rooms by standing on them, she’s asking shop assistants for triple A stamps or not understanding people when they speak on the phone. But this is why she is loved and people feel the need to mother her, because she is not yet ready to be a grown up - and many question if she ever will be.
Jess is currently trying to finance a second trip to New York, to see if she can prove whether Maury Povich is her father.
Go here, it's rather good: The Saucy Gibbon .
Trouser it to me!
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