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The Disease of Denial
Denial is the life-blood of addiction. It permeates all aspects of the problem and contradicts what is really happening, thus perpetuating the illness. By refusing to accept what is happening, the dependent drinker does not have to face reality and can subconsciously deny the consequences.
The guilt and shame can be so painful that he will not talk about his drinking or he will deny it is causing any problems. In either case, he defends his dependence. The blame can lie elsewhere. He is absolved.
Dependent drinkers will conceal the amount they are drinking. They believe they do not drink more than "normal" people while in reality they are drinking much more than the social norm.
People close to the dependent (the co-dependents) who deny what is happening are instinctively trying to protect themselves from pain and loss in their lives. Full of anxiety, they do everything they can to tidy things back into place, to make believe the situation is other than what it actually is. They minimise the value of what they have lost, refuse to accept the evidence of their emotions, deny their own feelings, adopt a "don't care" stance.
In times of great stress, those around addicts hut down their awareness of things that distress them too much, in order to be able to cope. This can serve to protect the co-dependent until he or she acquires the resources to deal with their real feelings about what has happened. At that point, for those facing reality, the experience can be devastating.
The pain felt at the loss of denial can be as difficult to bear as the grief felt at the loss of a loved one. At times like these, the co-dependent should seek support from others who have faced similar trauma either through self-help groups or counselling. It is also advisable to seek professional help by opening up to your family doctor.
The addictive personality can certainly be harnessed to make a good recovery and such is the tenacity of that personality to pursue its ends, that a recovering addict is a force to be reckoned with, hence the positive energy felt in meetings attended by recoverers - newcomers and old hands alike.
It is of enormous help to many of us to know that an alcoholic is seen as a sick person needing to be well, not a bad person needing to be good We alcoholics do such bad things that it is good to be told that it is an illness.
The power of denial is such that outside the mode of recovery, most people do not want to acknowledge the problem. It is just too much to deal with. However, the power of one alcoholic to share and identify with another's experiences is what most helps people to discover that they are not alone.
I AM YOUR DISEASE
I hate your meetings. I hate your Higher Power. I hate anyone who has a Twelve Step program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I am the Disease of Alcoholism, Drug Dependance, Denial….. etc Cunning, Baffling, and Powerful. That's me.
I have killed millions, and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, have I not? Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call me? I was there. I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love when I make you so numb you can neither hurt nor cry. You can't feel anything at all.
This is true Glory.
I will give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long term suffering. I have always been there for you. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things and I was the only one who would agree with you. Together we were able to destroy all the things good in your life.
People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks, even diabetes they take seriously - fools that they are. They don't know that without my help, these things would not be made possible. I am such a hated disease. And yet, I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality and peace.
More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, your meetings, your higher power and anyone that encourages you to seek help, all weaken me and I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to. Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me. But I am growing, bigger than ever, because it is your idle mind and the lack of ANY spirituality that makes me the most powerful force in the world.
But I am here. Until we meet again, If we meet again,
WHEN YOU ONLY EXIST, I MAY LIVE.
WHEN YOU LIVE, I ONLY EXIST.
"I WISH YOU DEATH AND I WISH YOU SUFFERING!!"
Author – Unknown