Andy Van Halen - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I am simply amwesome. If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "the culmination of evolution" possibly followed by "bitchin strazzgaar esquire." What's a strazzgaar? I don't know but it sounds awesome. So yeah, some pretty generic stuff: i play guitar, have a dog, work, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... snore. I like to dress like it's still 1974 or occasionally like its still 1967. I've had an oddly unique life up to this point and I consequently view things in a much different way than most people. So if you start talking to me don't be suprised by anything I randomly throw at you (like bunny pictures) or if I seem to not be on the same planet as you. I'm not saying I'm weird, but I defintely do not fit what a white, suburban male between ages 18 and 24 should be.I am worth $7,843,627,190.00 on HumanForSale.com

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My Interests

Interests eh? Guitar, girls, music. In that order. So if you need gift ideas, get me a guitar, a girl, or a....music. Nevermind, just get me a girl.....with a guitar.

I'd like to meet:

i would like to meet Jesus. maybe if i met him we (do i capitalize "we" because it's including Jesus? im not sure...) would become friends. then we could do stuff like ride bikes together and play football. i bet He has a wicked spiral. then we'd form a band that would rock oh-so-hard. He'd give me this amazing guitar ability so i bust out these amazing solos and he have these soaring vocals like rob halford of judas priest. we could even tour with priest. it be Judas Priest and Jesus Priest. we could call it the Passion Tour. but then k. k. downing of judas priest would probably do something like tell rolling stone dirty secrets about me and Jesus for money. then our careers would be ruined and our albums sealed in a vault. but then three days later the vault would be found open and all of our albums would have disappeared. and some of our past fans would have a nostolgia craze and others would claim we were great but not the greatest.

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Music:

such a huge fucking variety that it's hard as hell to put it all here. i like almost everything but country, techno, and modern rap. the main favorites are Jimi Hendrix, Buddy Guy, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Van Halen, Alice Cooper, Jonny Lang, Nirvana, Outkast, Run DMC, Tenacious D, Guns n' Roses and classic rock, soul and blues

lyrics - master exploder

Movies:

5 All Time Favorites:
Silence of the Lambs
Superbad
Sixth Sense
40 Year Old Virgin
Night of the Living Dead

I'm a sucker for zombie movies, the Evil Dead trilogy, horror in general, some comedies, and roughly two thirds of the Star Wars saga

Television:

Simpsons, Family Guy (before it became the cool thing to watch), Scrubs, the Office, and Adult Swim on Cartoon Network

Books:

Of Mice and Men, Lord of the Flies, Into Thin Air, I Am America (And So Can You), Room Full of Mirrors, On Bullshit, Golf Monster

Heroes:

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Now let's eat them all! (from CollegeHumor )

My Blog

More For My Benefit But Maybe Yours Too?

It's said that if you took a million monkeys and gave each one a typewriter, eventually you'd have a room covered in monkey feces and broken typewriter parts. It's not a very poetic saying, but it's ...
Posted by Andy Van Halen on Tue, 24 Jun 2008 09:13:00 PST

Zero Tolerance

I was going through my computer and deleting crap I don’t need or want anymore and I came across this essay. I wrote it for a class about a year ago and I remember getting a C on this purely be...
Posted by Andy Van Halen on Mon, 07 Apr 2008 10:33:00 PST

Just Some Bullshit

The only thing that makes the concept of a colonoscopy even more unpleasant is that they reuse the camera.~~~~If a guy passes out at a party and someone draws a skeleton on his arm in Sharpy, people m...
Posted by Andy Van Halen on Wed, 06 Feb 2008 10:41:00 PST

Overrated and Underrated

Recently I was listening to some albums that I feel are truly underrated. I got to thinking of who ended up getting the undue publicity and I've compiled into a list here a sort of "point-counterpoin...
Posted by Andy Van Halen on Sat, 10 Nov 2007 04:13:00 PST

Andrews Online School of Awesome: Lesson 1

Alright, due to recent demand of one William and said William's distance, every weekend I will do my best to offer an online lesson in the art of guitar. Obviously, since these lessons are online, an...
Posted by Andy Van Halen on Sun, 21 Oct 2007 11:12:00 PST

Scott Stapp Needs A Swift Kick In The Nuts

You know what makes me smile? Tragedy in a celebrity's life. Like when Anna Nicole died and everyone on TV was all "man, this sucks" I was thinking to myself, "About fucking time!" The White House ...
Posted by Andy Van Halen on Sun, 06 May 2007 04:37:00 PST

My Musical Rantings

Until recently I was really upset about modern music. It seemed that rock was going by the wayside and didn't seem able to fight back into the spotlight. I know the rock goes in cycles, but we were ...
Posted by Andy Van Halen on Fri, 06 Apr 2007 07:49:00 PST

Inspired By Vinny's Latest Entry

Recently my good buddy and fellow scientologist (what?) Vinchenzio posted a blog regarding music in terms of what is needed, valuable, and objectively "good" and "bad". I liked reading it so I am goi...
Posted by Andy Van Halen on Tue, 17 Oct 2006 05:21:00 PST

Death Match!!!

Okay, this is my "fictional" color commentary on a fight to the death between Bill and Russ. For those of you who do not know Bill and/or Russ, you will probably find this very boring. I, however, a...
Posted by Andy Van Halen on Mon, 09 Oct 2006 03:51:00 PST

Mind Experiment

Okay, so here's the deal. I am going to start typing and I will not stop moving my hands. I'm trying to see what happens when I do not stop typing. It'll probably be grotesque or very disturbing, b...
Posted by Andy Van Halen on Thu, 05 Oct 2006 09:11:00 PST