Average_Dan - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Hmmm...
Trying to figure that out myself. This is what I have so far.
I'm 25 years old
I rent. :(
I used to find the use of emoticons quite frustrating. Now, I understand that they save time and trees by using less ink.
I've been trying to compose a list of things that irritate me more than the mere thought Hannah Montana being offered 15 million to write an autobiography, so far this is what I have:
I can't go to sleep and wake up in the same position for the life of me. As a matter of fact, untangling myself from my sheets and comforter is a trying task first thing in the morning to say the least.
I've traveled from the east coast to the west coast of this country but not to any other countries, and that kind of makes me sad. But Monday I'm going to get my passport, so hopefully this part of the "about me" section won't last long up here.
I hate the "Lotus Position". You know, sort of like "Indian-style" but with more joint manipulation. I don't really HATE it but it wears my patience thin because I can't bend my knees in such a manner without dislocating them.
I tore a ligament in my right foot back in April and the sumbitch still hurts. It's also greatly affected my Tai Chi. On a positive note, I've become pretty amazing at standing on my left foot. I figure I can probably make a pretty good argument if I'm ever asked to perform a sobriety check to only be required to stand on my left foot. So I have that going for me.
I work with Industrial Electric Motors/Generators. Does this mean I can do work on your car? No. Does it mean that I work on those little piss-ant generators that you buy from the Home Depot to power your house during a power outage? Yes, but I probably won't because...well because fuck ya, that's why. I work on the generators and motors that go in the POWER PLANTS THEMSELVES. They're pretty much cool as shit, but I'm losing interest in them because my boss sucks ass for a living and for some reason I let that affect me. Probably because I'm a simpleton.
I know I've said this before, but I don't get along with people that stand with thier feet pointed away from each other. And don't give me that "I was born with external femoral torsion" crap either! I won't listen to it.

My Interests

Drunken Boxing,Spinabifida, Jersey Cows,Arms Dealing, Hand Weapons, Exotic Travel Destinations, Electronics, Vector Calculus, Beenies and Thermals, Drinking Wine from Mason Jars, Especially cheap wine from a box, The Phrase, "Onward, Lusty Gentleman", Ubersite, Writing, Music Performance, Fellonious Fellatio, The Appomatox River, Ancient Indian Ruins,

I'd like to meet:

You

Music:

Soul Asylum, Still Pink, Lynyrd Skynyrd (Now, with more "Y's" than ever!), Tremaine, Bob Dylan, Gary Jules, Death Cab, Anna Nalick, Mos Def, De La Soul, Nas, Some Jay-z shit, Mazzy Star, frou frou, Enya, Enigma, Alice Deejay, Ian Van Dahl, Old Counting Crows, Pink Floyd, Panic! (Except I write sins, that song, I now hate), Royksopp, Thirty Seconds To Mars, Foo Fighters, Joe Walsh, The Ramones, Lennie Williams, Frank Sinatra, Louie Armstrong, The Who, Butthole Surfers

Movies:

Proof, A Beautiful Mind, Kung-fu Hustle, Donnie Darko, Garden State, Hero, Fearless, Ghandi (the one with Ben Kingsly) (as if there's another one), The Aviator, Anything Tarrantino, Anything Kevin Smith, Anything Howard Hawks, Killer fight scenes? I'm into it! Foul, unobstructed humor? I'm into that as well. Anything Meg Ryan has ever had a hand in? I'm not so into that.

Television:

Football, The Office, Entourage, Family Guy, Seinfeld, and pretty much anything on the History, Biography, or Discovery Channels.

Books:

Sidney Sheldon is my all-time favorite author. My favorites of his are Rage of Angels and The Doomsday Conspiracy. I used to read a lot of fantasy, mostly because I'm a fucking nerd, but also to pass the time. Anything TSR publishes, I would probably read. Other than that, it's books that try to explain life. 365 Tao is a pretty good one. The Tao Te Ching, of course. A Wrinkle in Time by L'engle. A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking. The elegant Universe by Brian Greene is another good one.

Heroes:

Those people that can remain cheerful and optimistic in times like these and wish to spread that attitude to others. The people who do what they must to provide for those that depend on them.

My Blog

Coming of Age Tale That Has Nothing To Do With The Title

In every man's life, there comes a time when he realizes that he needs balance. That would probably be a profoundly deep statement if I was using it in a metaphoric sense; however, I was talki...
Posted by Average_Dan on Mon, 16 Apr 2007 09:07:00 PST

The Time to Panic is NOW!! (A political rant with little or no influence whatsoever)

http://content.hamptonroads.com/story.cfm?story=121917&r an=177260&tref=po I'd like to take the time to put a disclaimer in the headline of this piece, but I'm far too opinionated for th...
Posted by Average_Dan on Thu, 29 Mar 2007 09:35:00 PST

The Ass-Splash Theory and How Only YOU Can Prevent Anal Disease

I've heard it said that you should keep your toothbrush a minimum of 3' (16kM) away from your toilet because of airborne fecal matter that is instantly displaced in the event of a loaded toilet flush....
Posted by Average_Dan on Tue, 13 Mar 2007 06:51:00 PST

A Complete idiot's guide to surviving an identity crisis (final)

So here we are&. ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> You know what I mean? HERE WE ARE!!! I can't make it any more blatant, but rather than t...
Posted by Average_Dan on Sat, 17 Feb 2007 10:16:00 PST

A complete idiot's guide to surviving an identity crisis(pt. 4)

"With great power comes great responsibility" I wonder if Stan Lee really understood what it was this meant when he wrote it for Peter Parker in Spider-Man. Not in the sense tha...
Posted by Average_Dan on Sat, 27 Jan 2007 11:22:00 PST

A complete idiot's guide to surviving an identity crisis (pt.3)

My favorite definition of balance is; an influence or force, tending to produce equilibrium. There's so much to be said about that sentence it's hard to say where to start. &nb...
Posted by Average_Dan on Sat, 13 Jan 2007 02:02:00 PST

A Complete Idiot's Guide To Surviving An Identity Crisis (Pt.2)

Physical/Mental wellbeing Once MTV is cut out of your life, there should be hours of undedicated time on your hands. You can do one of two things with time. You can utilize it in an efficient m...
Posted by Average_Dan on Tue, 26 Dec 2006 10:44:00 PST

A Complete Idiot's Guide to Surviving an Identity Crisis (pt.1)

I was thinking to myself the other day, as I tend to do, because thinking to someone else is beyond my powers at this point, many friends my age are in the midst of what has come to be termed a quarte...
Posted by Average_Dan on Fri, 15 Dec 2006 06:23:00 PST

Masturbation and My New Neighbors; In That Order

The reason I have to put this matter first is actually inconsequential, because the latter part of this epic tale is to be the forte. I've noticed that many new forums and men's magazines, suggest mas...
Posted by Average_Dan on Tue, 08 Aug 2006 09:33:00 PST

Designer Eyewear -or- How To Survive An Island Desertion

D-Prime Madness: http://www.ubersite.com/m/89913 I've always enjoyed a nice set of eyeglasses. It all started when I was but a small child. For some reason, I had a fixation with being fucked up. Not ...
Posted by Average_Dan on Fri, 07 Jul 2006 01:44:00 PST