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"Who is Ranger Haney and the Science Cadets?" To answer this puzzling question in a space nutshell... Ranger Haney and the Science Cadets are specialized justice defending Champions. Trained in the martial art of Nerdcore, these rogues travle the galaxy pwn1ng in the name of space justice. Before I begin the saga, let me inform you of the changes in your so called "outter space" (for us it is called the "innerspace") in the future. First, let me teach you about the change in numbers. The number 2 or two (havnt said that in a light year or deuce) is completely bypassed by the word "deuce". so counting to three is as follows... one, DEUCE, three. Also, we should inform you that your "water" (2Hydrogen 1Oxygen) is completely and totally extinct. In space we replace this substance with the beverage Mountain Dew Pitch Black Deuce (II).
Ok now on to the history of the Science Cadets. How should we begin...When and how we were born perhaps? Indeed...Each member has their own individual story spawing at individual sectors of the galixy. Duece members are android twins seperated at birth as were all members from their parents. Each member was orphaned some way or the other. One of these twins is a mighty scientist and cyborg/android named Dr. Benjamin Beat and has a higher I.Q. than Stephen Hawkings. Another twin is a raging space Priest named Revrend Nigel Mulins. Raised by a group of powerful space nuns, he as developed powers beond reality and belief. Other members include a well toned Space Athlete named Baxter the Champion. "The Champion of what?" you may ask? The catagorys and events were so broad and the winnings so often that he was awarded the title of "Champion" for life. Another is a Stupendous Space Pilot/Space Ranger named Ranger Timothy. With the reflexes of a mongoose and the speed of a shrew he is an excelent swordsman, pilot, and marksman alike. This is the story of the amazing defenders of space justice in all 47 known galaxies...
Space Ranger Timothy: Born near Demistram System on a planet near the 5th Nebulon of galaxy 23 called Cinthos, Timothys father and mother were both retired space pilot for the United Galactic Colonies (soon to be an Empire of evil). Durring the formation of the Guild of Independence (a special league of Allied war veterans brought together to stop the rising of a Galactic Monarchy controled by a single power of evil and injustice called Emporer Zontor) Both of his parents were killed at the hands of Space Pirates hired by the rising Emperor to keep them from joining forces with the assembling rebelion. The 4 year old was a first hand witness to the violence and attacked his parents' extinguishers seconds after their death. Putting up a strong fight, young Timothy managed to kill six pirates and three androids only to be hit over the head and knocked out. Realizing the avid potential that this youngling possesed, the leader of the band of pirates decided to wipe his memory of all recolection of what happend that night and train him in the ways of swashbuckling and pillaging. So then forth he trained as a pirate with not a single memory of the day that changed his life forever. This went on for 10 years untill he was the greatest of all pirates and knew that (if he wanted to) he could easily take over leadership of the squad of space ransackers. Alas, on the night that he was to be the age of 14, a strange voice came into his dream. This was a man Named Ranger Haney who was communicating with his mind to the young swashbuckler. He told of the evils of Pirating and tried his best to convence him to leave the life of crime and and follow a map that his given in his dream to a secret hidout for younglings that posses special skills. Unconvenced and quite agitated at this man's attempt to take him from the only thing that he was good at, he refused. But as a last resort, the great Haney showed young Timothy a recording of the night that he had forgotten so long ago. In disbeleive and pure shock, he awoke from the sleep as a new person changed by the images that this man has reveiled to him, he packed his belongings, weapons and supplies to make the journey to the hideout. Not willing to lose their greatest asset, the deep space bandits blocked all the exits Forcing the boy into violence. Timothy managed to destroy half the pirates (roughly 372) and escape with a F-9001 intercepter (his favorite model of fighter) with the map from his dreams burnt into his memory he made his way to Haney Academy to learn the arts of Justice and fight his way to redemption for his life of crime. Now pwn1ng evil on the side of Justice, he uses his years of evil training for all that is good and science along with the other 3 Cadets. From the day that they met, they made an oath to swat away the dog of tyrany with a newspaper called Justice!!
Nigel the Space Reverend: Born on that outskirts of the Galorian Secter just 12 lightyears away from the Tantar Quasar, the young bassist was born Nigel Mulins. A short time after his birth his mother (a very intellegent android) and father (a battle hardened warrior) ran into trouble with the evil Zantor. The Emporer was furrious after he found out that the couple had been smuggling supplies to the rebel fortresses. Soon following his learning of their plot to aid the rebelion, the Evil Zantor attacked. After a long battle with the village of Galor, Zantors military had forced the whole race of Galorians to surrender. Luckily, Nigel's father had a dream of this defeat only days before. Along with the dream was a set of galactic coordinates to a Space Convent on the 4th moon of Centari VI and an order from his good friend Ranger Haney to send the newborn Nigel to this safe haven. There he would learn the ancient art of Space Nunjitsu and when he was old enough was to be sent to the Haney Academy to learn how to use his skills for justice. These instructions were followed and when the time was right, the newly trained Space Priest was sent to the Academy. Once he was there, Nigel met Timothy the Space Ranger, Benjamin the Cyborg(who later turned out to be his twin brother that was seperated from him to keep them both out of the vengful hands of the evil Zantor), and Baxter the Champion. This group of justice defending adventurers joined forces and fought evil with their special skills and talents.
Baxter the Champion: what a fellow...born on the planet Hectondria, he was the son of a merchant and and a partail cyborg. His parents were much to busy with their lives and work schedules of 4 year shifts. They had no time for Baxter so they turned him into the local orphanage. There he was made fun of and picked on by the others...he was always being harassed and for no good reason. He was a swell kid, he had no major mutations and he learned quickly. He was always the best at the quadratic formula and everyone envied him. One day he was beaten very severely by a much larger dweller of the planet , a humanoid. The humanoid went way too far with Baxter and threw him into a lake of lava.(which was approximatly 12 inches deep) he landed exactly on his right side and the lava singed away his whole right side leaving him with a caldirized half of a body. He was immedialtly rushed to a space staion and with the use of the highest of technolgies (and the many health benifits from being an orphan) he recieved a complete reconstruction of his right side and was half body and half prosthetic. He was unable to use this side of his body for months waiting on nerve tissue to grow throught the half. Then he went on to major physical therepy at the local massive red barn on Haney Road on the planet Earth. He walked along this road day after day getting his walking smoother. Little did he know that this road would change his life...he met a local from the planet earth named Ranger Haney and spoke with him daily about how his life was so uneventful and boring due to his massive trauma...One day Ranger Haney invited him to come to his Academy called Haney Academy. Baxter figured he had nothing to lose so at the age of 15 he was inducted into the academy. On his first day, he woke up and got ready anxious to see what it would be like to learn the many new things from his friend . He didnt know what he would learn but knew it would help him in life. He walked into the academy and the first thing he saw was the most terrifying thing he'd ever seen...no not a jogger chasing him with a 10 foot stick ready to kill him...not a cyclops with blood dripping from his mouth....not even a large swarm of temites...but it was duece humanoids in the room. He dropped his books and ran out the room . His fear of humanoids was incredible....all he could see was himself being thrown into the lava when he closed his eyes at night for years. He ran as fast as he could to get away and ran and ran and ran until he stumped his foot on a log and fell to the ground and landed in a pile of collected methane. HIs eyes were severally burned and he passed out. He awoke four hours later but his eyes were bandaged shut. He worried if he would lose his vision but was greeted with a friendly voice that raised his spirits. "hello friend",said the voice he spoke with him about how he would be fine and his vision would be normal. The voice seemed to be from somone his age. This being that saved him had known a remedy for methane burns to the eyes and assured him he would be normal if only he kept the bandages on for one week. He promised he would and throughout the week made a very good friend. They talked for hours upon hours of their lives and found they had both been orphanized. Baxter shared with him the story about going to the academy on the last few minutes of having the bandages on and his friend was surprised...for when Baxter removed his bandages his friend for life that he had made over the past week was a humanoid who had been attending the academy for a while and his name was Space Ranger Timothy. Baxter was speechless he didnt know that a humanoid could be friendly he had trained his own mind to belive this for years and didnt know what to say. From then on Baxter and Timothy were the greatest of friends and Baxter went on the academy where he learned the techniques of martial arts, writing, music , literature,ALL american sports, fishing, rangering, space shuttle racing, and so much more. He was WELL trained in every area provided at the academy and went on to further training in many fields and became the Champion of all. He met two other friends at the academy named Nigel and Benjamin (Twins that had been seperated at birth and reunited at the academy). the four of them were the greatest in the academy and were chosen to help Haney fight for justice in the 47 galaxies. These four united in a way that touches the soul and the heart....the only way....musically...in a nerdXcore Earth band.
Benjamin the Android This astonishing space android was born Benjamin Mulins (and was the only android recorded in history to have a live birth) on the outskerts of the Galorian Sector. His twin Nigel Mulins was seperated from him when the evil Zantor attacked his village. To be safe, his parents sent him to live with a family friend of the Mulins', Steven Hawking where his last name was changed to "Beat". Under the study of Hawkings watchful eyes, Young Benjamin became a world class physics professor at the age of 5. There was nothing that this smart youngling couldnt do, no puzzle that he couldnt accomplish. By the age of 10, questions started popping up in his mind. Questions such as "Where did I come from", "Who are my parents", and "do the lights in the refrigerator and the trunk of cars REALLY go out?". He asked his mentor Steven Hawking these troubling questions but even he could not help him. But then after a flash of dejavu, Hawking remembered something. Long ago when the baby benjamin was sent to him he had found a picture of his parents tucked safely inside his space diaper. Benjamin was completely thrilled when he was given the oppertunity to see his parents faces for the first time in 9 years. He then asked what happened to them and where they lived so he could go to them but Hawking had not been able to contact them once after benjamin's arival. After meditating on the idea for a long period of time, benjamin decided to venture out into deep space and find his parents. Benjamin wandered the galactic rim for 11 years looking for his parents only to find nothing. He asked every space merchant and rocket salesmen from Antygnyte IV to the moons of Nastetyn. Nobody had any recollection of his parents. After another 3 years of searching, he finally found somone that might be able to help him. An old hermet by the name of Yllungo living in the mountain caves of Antanor VIII. He claimed to have fought alongside Benjamins father in The War of 4263 and had a stunning memory of the happenings. The old hermet's description was identical to the picture and there was no reason to doubt that the old man knew the late General Mulins. But alas, when the weiry benjamin asked about the location of his father and mother, Yllungo only had sad news. He told of the terrable battle between the village that he last lived in and the Evil Supremacy that is Zantor. He told of the brave General whom risked his life to save his own but died in the rage of a heated battle. Young Benjamin the swore an oath of Justice against the Emperor and that this evil deed would not go unpunished. For 3 years Benjamin spent his time thwarting the plans of the evil Zantor. He knew that he wasnt making a big enough empact on the injustice that he swore to defeat so he jumped at the chance of joining an acadamy called Haney Academy created to help skilled younglings develope their powers and/or special skills so they might use them to defeat injustice. Wile at the academy he studied all forms of combat. He also studied hi level Sciences, physics, and mathmatics (even thought he didnt have to because he already had a P.H.d. in every single one). But his most memorable days was the day that Ranger Haney had great news for him. The good Ranger told him of the day he left his parents. He told him that there was still someone left from his family although Benjamin couldnt think of whom it could be. That is when a figure that looked almost identical to him steped into the room. To Benjamin's amazement, he was staring at his twin brother whom he had been seperated from at birth to keep them both out of the hands of evil. After thanking Haney for his generosity, the two lads made an oath that they would punish the evil zantor for his evil doings. Soon after, Dr. Benjamin Mulins Beat
and his newfound twin were asked to fight for justice along side two other of the most skilled in the galaxy, Baxter the Champion and Space Ranger Timothy. This fighting force under the leadership of Ranger Haney was forever known as Ranger Haney and the Science Cadets. The most elite fighting force to ever be created...
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