ezra profile picture

ezra

Euphoric, narcotic, pleasantly hallucinant...

About Me

SENSUALISTThe Dreamer- if you want an exact definition- is not a human being, but a creature of intermediate sort. For the most part he settles in some inaccesible corner, as though hiding from the light of day; once he slips into his corner he grows to it like a snail, or, anyway, he is in that respect very much like that remarkable creature, which is an animal and a house both at once, and is called a tortoise. Interested by almost everything, but it won't interest you if I tell the whole story. Music, movies and the arts... People that deserve my love, all of my friends, my grand royal rockababy of a life.. Love black and white clichés from places where I've been. The Dream of Reason Produces Monsters. Goya«Sincerity is more important than elocution»-Fyodor Dostoevsky I/am/have...Hispanicat ease súper héroe spoiledsheltered Spanish-speaking nice French-speaking modestflirt consideratesmartromanticdepressiveself deprecatingdreamergaytaken for granted oftenstared atenviedmisunderstoodunderestimateda liberalagnostichigh handedly rudepossesivefull of lovededicatedvaliantneglecteda contradictionhonestflaunteloquentso profoundsubstitutes for lovenumbexclusiveevasivelostdisassociatedirrisponsiblescared indecisivesadalonehappydramaticillogicmelancholicnostalgicth e boy insideillusiveungratefulanother fag with problemsharshinterestinga disappointmentemotional detachedfull of façadescoldfucked upfun most of the time a geekwarm never satisfied depression never good enoughcompletely alone critical honestbitter-sweetloyal reliableaccomodating open mindedcontent to a certain degreea writerabused forgetful aloofopen foolish sociable politesuffer foolsdaftpiercedloveidiotanxiety I will always be naive. Degas GOOD FOR YOU, THAT YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT AND THAT IT MAKES YOU HAPPY. THAT YOU DON'T STOP FOR WHAT "THEY'LL SAY." THAT YOU GO FOR "THAT" WHICH YOU DESIRE, THAT YOU LOVE, THAT RUNS THROUGH YOUR VEINS. GOOD FOR YOU, THAT YOU LISTEN TO THE VOICE THAT'S INSIDE OF YOU. LIFE IS ONE, AND NO ONE KNOWS THE END. GO FOR THAT WHICH MOVES YOU FROM THE INSIDE. BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE EVEN IF YOU ERRE, TRY IT EVEN IF THEY DEFEAT YOU. YOU WON'T DIE ON ACCOUNT OF THEM, DO IT FOR YOURSELF! BE STRONG BUT ABOVE ALL BE FREE! BELIEVE IN THAT VOICE, GET UP, CONVINCE YOURSELF, AND FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION. Le CygneÀ Victor HugoIAndromaque, je pense à vous! Ce petit fleuve, Pauvre et triste miroir où jadis resplendit L'immense majesté de vos douleurs de veuve, Ce Simoïs menteur qui par vos pleurs grandit,A fécondé soudain ma mémoire fertile, Comme je traversais le nouveau Carrousel. Le vieux Paris n'est plus (la forme d'une ville Change plus vite, hélas! que le coeur d'un mortel);Je ne vois qu'en esprit tout ce camp de baraques, Ces tas de chapiteaux ébauchés et de fûts, Les herbes, les gros blocs verdis par l'eau des flaques, Et, brillant aux carreaux, le bric-à-brac confus.Là s'étalait jadis une ménagerie; Là je vis, un matin, à l'heure où sous les cieux Froids et clairs le Travail s'éveille, où la voirie Pousse un sombre ouragan dans l'air silencieux,Un cygne qui s'était évadé de sa cage, Et, de ses pieds palmés frottant le pavé sec, Sur le sol raboteux traînait son blanc plumage. Près d'un ruisseau sans eau la bête ouvrant le becBaignait nerveusement ses ailes dans la poudre, Et disait, le coeur plein de son beau lac natal: «Eau, quand donc pleuvras-tu? quand tonneras-tu, foudre?» Je vois ce malheureux, mythe étrange et fatal,Vers le ciel quelquefois, comme l'homme d'Ovide, Vers le ciel ironique et cruellement bleu, Sur son cou convulsif tendant sa tête avide Comme s'il adressait des reproches à Dieu!IIParis change! mais rien dans ma mélancolie N'a bougé! palais neufs, échafaudages, blocs, Vieux faubourgs, tout pour moi devient allégorie Et mes chers souvenirs sont plus lourds que des rocs.Aussi devant ce Louvre une image m'opprime: Je pense à mon grand cygne, avec ses gestes fous, Comme les exilés, ridicule et sublime Et rongé d'un désir sans trêve! et puis à vous,Andromaque, des bras d'un grand époux tombée, Vil bétail, sous la main du superbe Pyrrhus, Auprès d'un tombeau vide en extase courbée Veuve d'Hector, hélas! et femme d'Hélénus!Je pense à la négresse, amaigrie et phtisique Piétinant dans la boue, et cherchant, l'oeil hagard, Les cocotiers absents de la superbe Afrique Derrière la muraille immense du brouillard;À quiconque a perdu ce qui ne se retrouve Jamais, jamais! à ceux qui s'abreuvent de pleurs Et tètent la Douleur comme une bonne louve! Aux maigres orphelins séchant comme des fleurs!Ainsi dans la forêt où mon esprit s'exile Un vieux Souvenir sonne à plein souffle du cor! Je pense aux matelots oubliés dans une île, Aux captifs, aux vaincus!... à bien d'autres encor!— Charles Baudelaire "Show me the magic of your eyes and I will teach you darker, deeper joys..." "lost women". épocaWhy is it that whole sleepness nights pass like a flash in inexhaustiable gladness and happiness, and when the dawn gleams rosy at the window and daybreak floods the gloomy room with uncertain, fantastic lights, as in Petersburg, our dreamer, worn out and exhausted, flings himself on his bed and drops asleep with thrills of delight in his morbidly overwraught spirit, and with a weary sweet ache in his heart? insomnia agnosticPeter denied you thrice. Well, good for him.

My Interests

literaturemusic art ..film beauty

I'd like to meet:

The Little Prince Pleasant people, intelligent people without pretenses. I love gentleness, tactfulness, people of that mode of conduct, of being.. I detest baseness of character. Give me a Libertine over a Mediocre any day! La MusiqueLa musique souvent me prend comme une mer! Vers ma pâle étoile, Sous un plafond de brume ou dans un vaste éther, Je mets à la voile; La poitrine en avant et les poumons gonflés Comme de la toile J'escalade le dos des flots amoncelés Que la nuit me voile; Je sens vibrer en moi toutes les passions D'un vaisseau qui souffre; Le bon vent, la tempête et ses convulsions Sur l'immense gouffre Me bercent. D'autres fois, calme plat, grand miroir De mon désespoir! — Charles Baudelaire Was it unatural what we did?Vértigo

Music:

Music Music often transports me like a sea! Toward my pale star, Under a ceiling of fog or a vast ether, I get under sail; My chest thrust out and my lungs filled Like the canvas, I scale the slopes of wave on wave That the night obscures; I feel vibrating within me all the passions Of ships in distress; The good wind and the tempest with its convulsions Over the vast gulf Cradle me. At other times, dead calm, great mirror Of my despair! Charles Baudelairead astra per aspera, alejandra guzman, alicia keys, ana gabriel, atreyu, bebe, bob dylan, bob marley, bon jovi, bruce springsteen, celia cruz, charlie feathers, coldplay, david bowie, decemberists, dido, doris day, doves, dusty springfield, engine driver, fionna apple, flyleaf, franz ferdinand, gloria trevi, gotan project, hawthorne heights, incubus, james brown, janis joplin, jd natasha, jefferson airplane, johnny cash, juan gabriel, keane, la ley, laura pausini, la oreja de van gogh, led zeppelin, los héroes del silencio, louis armstrong, madonna, mariah carey, maroon 5, miranda, moby, morrissey, my chemical romance, nancy sinatra, negro spirituals, nek, patty labelle, paulina rubio pink floyd, ramones, red hot chili peppers, scissor sisters, sex pistols, she wants revenge, sheryl crow, snow patrol, sondre lerche, tango, thalía, the bravery, the clash, the killers, the libertines, tiziano ferro, yeah yeah yeahs.Bob Dylan .. .. Laura Pausini

Movies:

Rules of Attraction The Machinist donnie darkoGreta GarboThe Fearless Vampire Killers.

Television:

abc news, cnn, daria, family guy, good morning america, leave it to beaver, msnbc, nip/tuck, roseanne, seinfeld, southpark, the simpsons, will & grace Diane Sawyer.

Books:

.. A Child Called It-Dave Pelzer A Hunger Artist-Franz Kafka Anna Karenina-Leo Tolstoy Brave New World-Aldous Huxley Crime and Punishment-Fyodor Dostoevsky Falling Leaves-Adeline Yen Mah L'etendard Français-François d'Orsay Les Fleurs du Mal-Charles Baudelaire Little House on the Prairie-Laura Ingalls Wilder Notes From Underground-Fyodor Dostoevsky Of Mice and Men-John Steinbeck Rebecca-Daphne Du MaurierSummer of the Monkeys-Wilson Rawls The Age of Innocence-Edith Wharton The Brothers Karamazov-Fyodor Dostoevsky The Catcher in the Rye-J.d. SalingerThe Double-Fyodor Dostoevsky The Dream of a Ridiculous Man-Fyodor Dostoevsky The Grapes of Wrath-John Steinbeck The House of the Spirits-Isabel Allende The Idiot-Fyodor Dostoevsky The Little Prince-Antoine De Saint-Exupéry The Meek One-Fyodor Dostoevsky The Metamorphosis-Franz Kafka The Ninth Life of Louis Drax-Liz Jensen The Picture of Dorian Gray- Oscar WildeWhere the Red Fern Grows-Wilson Rawls White Nights-Fyodor Dostoevsky

Heroes:

Juan Carlos Ferrero Rosa ParksMartin Luther King Junior Paulina Rubio Juan Carlos Ferrero Paulina Rubio I © Paulina Rubio Vive la Révolution! delacroixCLENCHED SOULWe have lost even this twilight.No one saw us this evening hand in handwhile the blue night dropped on the world.I have seen from my windowthe fiesta of sunset in the distant mountain tops.Sometimes a piece of sunburned like a coin in my hand.I remembered you with my soul clenchedin that sadness of mine that you know.Where were you then?Who else was there?Saying what?Why will the whole of love come on me suddenlywhen I am sad and feel you are far away?The book fell that always closed at twilightand my blue sweater rolled like a hurt dog at my feet.Always, always you recede through the eveningstoward the twilight erasing statues.-pablo neruda aeneas

My Blog

Insensato

If you're thinking that I'm suffering, you're dreaming, you don't know who I am. I am insensitive, I never exclaim an "oh" out of pain. You've deceived yourself, I feel very well, I haven't missed you...
Posted by ezra on Wed, 01 Mar 2006 10:21:00 PST

what will become of him?

Today he woke up at 10:23 A.M. He got up and took a shower, cleaned his room...   He read more of "the double" he thought it interesting how Mr. Golyadkin was acting... rather queer.   He sp...
Posted by ezra on Tue, 04 Oct 2005 02:40:00 PST

Foreign Insomnias

Fed up with myself, fed up with everything. Tired of so many days that fall upon me. Tired of who sleeps next to me, of cause and effect, disloyalty and of banality. I'll take a painkiller and pe...
Posted by ezra on Fri, 23 Sep 2005 11:02:00 PST

Angel or demon, are you?

Lights, cold as diamonds. Angel or demon, are you? You fall from a blue sky, slowly like a blues. NO! Don't cry like that! Air, that is barely breathable. Streets of an afternoon, half man half woman,...
Posted by ezra on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

SEX AND MONEY

When I was a young boy my mother taught me that it was love that made the world go round, a little bit after that, my father walked out on us, with a twenty-something girl. He bought her an apar...
Posted by ezra on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I'm ready for the good times!

Dr. Fulford  asked me why I had detached myself, what had led me to.   I was beginning to see the sky in another color, everything is different in a way. I live life more, I am doing everyth...
Posted by ezra on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

at ease

At ease. I feel completely at peace with everything and with everyone. I no longer hold on to any anger or rencor. Everything is okay now. I don't expect anything, I don't want anything.  ...
Posted by ezra on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

it's an art to forget

I have been extremely lonely and depressed today. I have only myself to blame, of course. Today, right now, this instant I detach myself from any expectations I ever placed on any person. Emotionally ...
Posted by ezra on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

sucked last night

jogging sucked last night, nobody was there, so I was jogging a lone. Yes, even jogging. I came home and my parents were arguing, i hate it when they argue, it makes me so uncomfortable, and I feel...
Posted by ezra on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

So much more than empty words

As I look back at my life I realize that I never really had friends. I had pets for a while, but I never had that super special friend that I could rely on for everything and anything. That, made me v...
Posted by ezra on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST