About Me
OK, so a little about me... here goes... I'd certainly say I'm a dynamic figure... of an evening you can often see me scaling walls and catching criminals. In addition to this I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, and I manage time efficiently. ***** I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. I have worked for NASA. ***** Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. Children trust me. ***** I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with MI5. While on vacation in France, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. Once a month I meet with Gordon Brown to help shape Domestic and International economic policy ***** I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. I have made extraordinary 4-course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I have bat-like hearing, don't have any fillings and have 20-20 vision. Three years ago I discovered the meaning of life whilst trekking through Tajikistan ***** I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. ***** I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I last week I jammed with Elvis, Moby and Debbie Gibson in a small dive bar in Lower East Side of New York City. ****
