JB profile picture

JB

Rawr the gnar gwar.

About Me

I believe in the redemptive power of living correctly; the Dean was onto something, everything cannot be subjective.

My Interests

The beauty of nature. Pretty pictures and well-written words. Rock songs. Any living thing that can't be converted into a sandwich. Sandwiches. Movies movies movies. Dr. Pepper and Reese's. Continuing my weed-infested sobriety. Eventually learning that exercise is important. Now that I've a somewhat laughable work ethic, getting a job that doesn't suck.

I'd like to meet:

The Bionic Woman. The prosecutor on SVU. The girl who sells the pmdd medicine. Lord, I'm lonely.

Music:

Northern European death metal, Lucero, Sonic Youth, Explosions In The Sky, CONNER, Swervedriver, Modest Mouse, Citizen Cope, The Go! Team (thanks, Chelsea), Mos Def, Charlie Parker, Midget Whores, Jay-Z, Pixies, Miles Davis, Vitreous Humor, The Rolling Stones, Talib Kweli, anything Danger Mouse touches, The Replacements (greatest rock band ever), and Prince. For the last fifteen years I've based my musical taste on whatever Richard, Bryce, Rick, Matt, or Steve are digging at a given time. Check out my Friend's Space if you want to know what I'm listening to currently (dig how I avoided ending a sentence with a preposition).

Movies:

Like them all. Even Police Academy 4. Favorites... hm. Blue Velvet, The Magnificent Ambersons, Videodrome, and The Bridge Over the River Kwai; these movies rule. Holy shit, that is the most nonrepresentational and random list written by anyone about anything ever. Some day I'll list my 300 favorite movies. Well, here's a start, anyway (in no particular order, I assure you): The Elephant Man, Anchorman, Sleepy Hollow, Vertigo, Scanners, Caddyshack, Dawn of the Dead (the original, and the remake's pretty fucking good), Touch of Evil, Paths of Glory,Something About Mary, On the Waterfront, The Philadelphia Story, Arsenic and Old Lace, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Requiem for a Dream,Dodgeball, Jaws, Weird Science, Fantasia, CREEPSHOW, Suspiria, 2001: A Space Oddyssey, The Princess Bride, Crash, Belle de Jour, The Station Agent, The Straight Story, Taxi Driver, Sleeping Beauty (Disney haters need to chill; when the titular man was still kickin', he was at least a brilliant task-master), um, did I mention Creepshow? I am way too right-brained to be methodical about this list, I'll get back to it later. Calling them films is for pretentious pricks who don't know shit compared to me about movies. Unless I start using the word film to describe movies when I go into conversational geek-dork mode, then using the word film is coo.

Television:

Way, way too much of that shit. Nay, I like My Name is Earl,Family Guy, Nip/Tuck, Scrubs, Law and Order: SVU, Rescue Me, Weeds, South Park, Extras, The Office (preferably the British originals, but the Steve Carrell show is awright), and pretty much anything on Discovery and Animal Planet. Bear Gryll is a crazy fuck, isn't he? Past shows I enjoy watching: Twin Peaks, The Andy Griffith Show, Northern Exposure, The Twilight Zone, My So-Called Life, Freaks and Geeks.

Books:

Read and read and read and yet have not tipped the iceberg. Dan Simmons is God. Dickens was God, but that God is dead.

Heroes:

Jesus and Brett Favre.

My Blog

The Most Effervescent (sp?) of Sodas

The moustache experiment is progressing into realms of heretofore undreamed ecstasies. The food-- the food will be there for hours if left untended! Even with washing, the garlic can last for days. I ...
Posted by JB on Mon, 03 Dec 2007 11:47:00 PST

better than sex

your own space... thought i had that one figured out. paid all the money i had saved to get a place living with this dude for supercheap. scary, but inexpensive. so... this was two paychecks ago. the ...
Posted by JB on Fri, 25 May 2007 01:53:00 PST

Orwell was way too short-sighted

Ok, this is creepy as hell-- let's just assume I know diddly squit about computers and spyware and all things microprocessed-- but there are three related links on my myspace (I refuse to not use the ...
Posted by JB on Mon, 19 Mar 2007 03:51:00 PST

The Drunk, the Junkie, and the Crackhead

Oh, if only there were a punchline. Only positive thing is the junkie is the only one not using. Getting fat again sitting on my ass, but it pays well. One step forward, two steps back. Better than co...
Posted by JB on Sun, 18 Mar 2007 12:55:00 PST

Halloween is my day

As I recognize the truth of the subject heading, I realize the possibilities of my abilities. I'm able to draw fairly well; I think I can draw as well as anyone. I'm drunk. It's Halloween. Prepar...
Posted by JB on Wed, 01 Nov 2006 05:53:00 PST

Honesty is the best policy

So lately I've been trying to develop this ability to tell the truth, even when it's uncomfortable or not in my best interests (as in trying to have sex again before I die); this has been very liberat...
Posted by JB on Thu, 19 Oct 2006 06:35:00 PST

I believe in the bitch goddess irony

That's a quote from Dan Simmons, so don't everyone go getting all PC on me. Let's just say that I have got myself into the terrible situation I'm in now, and I have had a brief glimpse of sunshine, a ...
Posted by JB on Fri, 13 Oct 2006 08:28:00 PST

I've got a cock like a donkey and it's hard as a rock

Not really, but I thought that sentence was one of the funniest I'd heard in a while-- especially coming out of Bob Saget's mouth. For about four months I've known about Jamie Kennedy's "Rolling with ...
Posted by JB on Tue, 03 Oct 2006 03:20:00 PST

Longer Titles

Having something on my mind, I figgered this was the forum. It is my hair; that's what's on my mind, my hair. Specifically, the color of my hair... the greyer I become, the more women (of all ages) se...
Posted by JB on Sun, 24 Sep 2006 02:40:00 PST

Lawrence's streets/ haunted forest (a stab, a cut)

2. (today i saw) a mutant, an honest to god mutant wouldn't believe it if i hadn't... literally frightened me-- me, master of grotesqueries! a truly beautiful lady (one Molly knows about) m...
Posted by JB on Mon, 18 Sep 2006 03:15:00 PST