Drinking and drugs are the two coolest things a person can do.
I'm the solidest guy alive - I use barbed wire for tooth floss, I bathe in pools of molten rock, and I have to walk sideways up the stairs so that my arms don't tear holes in the walls. I can count to infinity +1 on one hand, which comes in handy when I measure the circumference of my biceps. I can punch so fast that my fist exceeds the speed of light and seperates into photons, which can then travel across the earth, reassemble, and hit some asian kid in the face. It's OK though, because I can regenerate my body by saying "british soldiers" 5 times in one second. It normally only takes .3 seconds, so I use the other .7 seconds to bench press 3000 pounds 30 times with perfect form.
