King.Shit.â„¢

Hannibal King.
You know the kind of woman that just screams trouble You see her and every warning bell in your brain starts going off but you still manage to ask for her number? Well that's all I ever hook up with. But this betty blew 'em all away in the shitstorm sweepstakes. Her name's Danica Talos. You met her earlier, And Unlike typical vampires her fangs are located In her vagina...Moving On. I picked Danica up in a bar, had a one night stand with her. Then spent the next five years playing hide-and-go-suck as her little vampire cabana boy. Eventually Abigail found me.. Sommerfield managed to treat me with a cure. Now I kill them. That's called turning a frown upside down.
We call ourselves The Nightstalkers. We operate in sleeper cells. When one goes down, a new cell activates to pick up the slack. God! See, one of the things you fuckheads need to know about us Nightstalkers is that when you join our club, you get all sorts of groovy door prizes, and one of them is this nifty little tracking node surgically implanted in your body. Yeah, see, when one of us goes missing the others, they just dial up the satellite... which is in space. And then presto. Instant cavalry. Okay, I'm - okay, seriously now. It's in the meat of my butt, just below the Hello Kitty tattoo. Seriously, just pull down my tighty-whities and see for yourself. I can tell you two things. One, your hairdo is ridiculous. And two, I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted. Silent but deadly. I bet your asking yourself what makes you think you know so much about killing vampires? Well for starters, I used to be one. Do I pass the audition?
So, can we just go ahead and sign you up for one of our secret Nightstalker decoder rings?