*[Lyssa Doll]:.

*[ALYSS{A} IN WONDERLAND]:.
::I Can't Explain Myself Sir... Because I'm Not Myself You See?::
**Close Your Eyes &&Keep Your Mind Wide Open**
"Some May Say I Am A Dreamer, But I'm Not The Only One"
.*So Let's Lie In The Grass & Stare At The Stars...
...Live In The Moment Forget Who We Are*.
"Once Upon A Time, There Was A Girl..."
My name is ALYSSA NICOLE. Friends call me LYSSA or LYS- among MANY other Nicknames... My Spiritual Name is AURIALLY (to be intune with my Life Path Number which is #9). I am Named After ALYSSA MILANO. I was Also BORN ON MY MOM'S BIRTHDAY- 02/08/88. I'm TWENTY-ONE Years Young. I am an AQUARIUS all the way. I am CANADIAN, eh! &&Have GERMAN and DUTCH roots.
I'm a WRITER. I Love to SING. I'd *so* PWN You at KARAOKE! I'm WEIRD. I'm ARTSY. I'm Quite COMPLEX. I'm a CREATIVITY GEEK. I am a Walking, Talking, "That's What SHE Said" JOKE. I'm The PAINTED POET... INSPIRE me- go on, I DARE you. I am a DREAMER. I'm a Very SPIRITUAL SOUL. I'm a HUMANITARIAN. I am PASSIONATE About PEACE<3 I'd Like to Think that I'm a Generally HAPPY Person, but there are a few STRUGGLES in My Life, that Make it SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE SOMETIMES =/ ANYONE who *actually* KNOWS ME will tell you I'm SUPER SWEET, But NOT THAT INNOCENT =P REALLY FRIENDLY, A TON OF FUN, A LAUGH AN A HALF, ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS, MEGA SILLY, &&WAY RANDOM, LIKE *WHOA*.
As for LOOKS, I have PICTURES up for a REASON =P Buttt, if you MUST KNOW: I'm 5'8", PALE-AS-F*CK, &&'NEVER going to be Effin' THIN ENOUGH For Your FACIST STANDARDS Of BEAUTY... "I'm Mrs. She's TOO BIG, Now She's TOO THIN" [Britney Spears]. I am a NATURAL (Dirty) BLONDE- Currently DYED Light AUBURN . It's Long and Layered, WAVY with BUH-BUH-BUH-BANGS! I Like To Call It HIPPY HAIR<3 I have HAZEL-BROWN Eyes and Have GLASSES. I have my EARS PIERCED 3x = 6 in Total, and (so far only) 1 TAT of a TURTLE on my Right Ankle (but I plan on more).
I Don't really have a Certain "STYLE"... Nor do I Care For "LABELS"... I Cannot LIVE WITHOUT My BLACK HOODIE<3 &&VANILLA (Body Shop) Body Mist is a MUST MUST<333 I'm a LACTO-OVO VEGETARIAN. I Love MUSIC BOXES<3 I WEAR MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE. I Adore "NICKNACKS". I LOVE to relax in Steaming Hot Vanilla BUBBLE BATHS of Heaven. I Think the PLATYPUS is just an AWESOME animal. I <3 Embracing my NOSTALGIA to be 13 again, by Blasting (Old School) BRITNEY SPEARS. CANDY HEARTS = well, Hearts! The YELLOW ONES are My Favourite!! =P I <3 (Orange) JAY-EEE-ELLE-ELLE-OH. When I was YOUNGER, My FRIENDS and I DYED OUR HAIR WITH KOOL-AID- "Oohhh, Yeaahhhh"! HaHa. I have a "Thing" for the WEIRD, SUPERNATURAL, and Some-May-Say DISTURBING. My LIFE Is In BOXES. I Love &&Appreciate having FRIENDS whom I can Talk To For HOURS, NEVER RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO SAY. I have the Most INCREDIBLE FRIENDS I could EVER Wish For. I have 2 AMAZING WIFEYS- Kat et Sam<3 And about 5 STALKERS- all of whom I Care For Dearly<3 I CARE FOR ALL THE PEOPLE in My Life with ALL MY HEART &&SOUL<3
I am FRAGILE; I am STRONG. I'm the DREAMER-Girl. I Enjoy Swinging on my TIRE-SWING as the sun rises. I'm Both a NIGHT *AND* a MORNING Person- I Love Watching The SUNSET & RISE. My Personality is Like ECSTASY. I am a NEW AGE HIPPIE. I Want to LIVE IN a YELLOW SUBMARINE and My HEART is Down in STRAWBERRY FIELDS<3 I Drink COFFEE AT MIDNIGHT. I have about a Million DIET COKES a day. I Love to PLAY DRESS UP- especially at 3 o'clock in the morning. Getting all DRESSED UP with MAKE-UP and such Cheers Me Up. I Do A LOT of TRAVELLING. I Don't Much Care For PACKING or AIRPORTS, but I ADORE New and Different PLACES and CULTURES!! I Wish I had a BALLOON TREE. I have a CRUSH On JULIANNE HOUGH<3 I am Always RUNNING INTO THINGS or FALLING DOWN. I am NOCTURNAL. I Love the RAIN; it's My LULLABY. I Dream of My Own SECRET GARDEN. I Add GREEN TEA BAGS To my Water and Cola. I am a MERMAID With WINGS- I Wish I could FLY &&BREATHE UNDERWATER. I'M SWEETER THAN SHE'LL EVER BE. I Love FOOD FIGHTS! I Want to Learn to DANCE Like they do in STEP UP!! If you Find Me with a COLOURING BOOK or MAKING MUFFINS- I'm Having a BAD Day. If I Am OUT FOR A WALK or Playing My GUITAR- I Am Having a Good Day.
I Lose Track of TIME, My TRAIN of THOUGHT, and SIDE-TRACKED Quite Easily. I ALSO Change My MIND a lot. I'm a FREE-THINKER, and OPEN-MINDED. I'm a SENTIMENTAL Sap and a Sucker for clichéd chick flicks- 'Hopeless Romantic Syndrome' anyone? I'm SARCASTIC and you never even noticed. I can be kind of NAIVE at times, yet I'm told I am WISE-Beyond-My-Years often and that I seem so MATURE for my age. I can be the SHYEST girl in the world and the most BUBBLY one in the room.
I like to Talk About Myself In The THIRD PERSON. Alyssa has a Photographic MEMORY, yet her short-term is HORRID these days- just call her DORY! I have the Kind Of MOM Who Will GO WITH YOU To A BRITNEY SPEARS CONCERT<3 My room is always MESSY- just like my hair... It used to be IMMACULATE, but lately I Don't Care. I have a LIFE List. I like to think that I GROW and Evolve, as opposed to Change. I'm Terrible at keeping Track of The TIME. Sometimes I FEEL LIKE A Pretty Little PROBLEM. I FALL Fast and have a Hard Time getting back up. I have the WORST Time LETTING GO. I FORGIVE, but NEVER Forget.
I'm a BEATLES PERSON (You can Love BOTH Elvis AND The Beatles, but there's A Point where you Have To CHOOSE; Which are YOU?). I'm *Obsessed* With *BOTH* HANNAH MONTANA &&BRITNEY SPEARS!? HAH. I'm SO Fcuking WEIRD... I live in a BEAUTIFUL Little Town where I am surrounded by Trees and am right by the Water. My Favourite Places are: my TREEHOUSE, The PARK where the SIDEWALK (actually) ENDS, the Rocks by The LAKE, my bff's Apartment, in a BUBBLE BATH and in Bed UNDER THE COVERS. I've Recently Discovered that I Love LIVING OUT OF A SUITCASE/BAG. I PLAY WITH MY FOOD. I LOVE To DANCE- I Took JAZZ for MANY MANY YEARS. I get INTIMIDATED Very Easily, 'take Everything PERSONALLY and am EXTREMELY Sensitive. I GROW CLOSE with others very quickly- I'm VERY Open and Trusting. I DOODLE on myself Every Single Day. I have BAD "HABITS". I Don't Always Do The "RIGHT THING"- but I LEARN From My "MISTAKES"... Not always the First Time Round Though. SOMETIMES... I MISS WHO I WAS, 'DON'T KNOW Who I AM &&have NO CLUE Who I WANT To BE.
"The Most Beautiful Thing We Can Experience
Is The Mysterious. It Is The Source Of All True Art
And All Science. He To Whom This Emotion Is A Stranger,
Who Can No Longer Pause To Wonder And Stand Rapt In Awe,
Is As Good As Dead: His Eyes Are Closed."
[Albert Einstein]

I Love SINGING: At the TOP OF MY LUNGS; When I'm HOME ALONE; In the SHOWER; In the RAIN; Along with the RADIO; In the CAR; With my HAIRBRUSH... LOL, you get the picture =P Songs by MS BRITNEY SPEARS &&DISNEY are My MOST Favourite.
I Actually LOVE Listening To SAD SONGS- NO that DOESN'T Make Me "EMO", you Jackarse! LISTEN to: "Alyssa Lies" [Jason Michael Carroll], "When I'm Gone" [3 Doors Down], "Crazy" [Gnarls Barkley], "Wonderful World" [James Morrison], "Breathe Me" [Sia], "Courage" [Superchic(k)], "Ana's Song" [Silverchair], "Only Hope" [Mandy Moore], "Speeding Cars" &"Hide & Seek" [Imogen Heap], "Unwell" [Matchbox Twenty], "Overprotected", "Stronger" &"Everytime" [Britney Spears], "Let It Go" &"Alive" [Melissa O'Neil], "Iris" [The Goo Goo Dolls], "Just Like A Pill" &"Don't Let Me Get Me" [P!nk], "Let It Be" &"Help!" [The Beatles], "Breathe (2AM)" [Anna Nalick], "Waiting For The Sun" &"Time" [Chantal Kreviazuk], "Say It's Possible" &"The Vicodin Song" [Terra Naomi], "All Good Things" [Nelly Furtado], "Angel" [Sarah Mclachlan], "Keeping It Together", "Lemon", "Enchanted" &"Glow" [Katy Rose] and "Breakaway" &"Behind These Hazel Eyes" [Kelly Clarkson], and maybe you will UNDERSTAND ME (better)... MAYBE.
I am a HUMANITARIAN and a Tree Hugger. I'm an INDIGO CHILD and a Walk-In. I am an Eclectic PAGAN/Wiccan-BUDDHIST-CHRISTIAN. I'm an Old Soul, A BIG KID and a Geekster. I'm Mysterious. I'm RAW, I'm REAL, I'm DEEP and I'm DIFFERENT. I'm Unconventional. I'm a GOOF. I'm "Avant-Garde". I'm a Visionary. I am a PACIFIST and a Lover not a fighter. I'm a PET-PERSON, a People Pleaser and a PERFECTIONIST. I am UNIQUE, just like everyone else. I'm Bi, and I can TRULY say that after a BFF suggested that maybe, for me, it depends on the PERSON, NOT their GENDER &&that In My Heart, LOVE KNOWS NO GENDER. If Something Goes Wrong- Blame The GREMLINS! I L-O-V-E to SPIN AROUND in my (desk) chair and Get Real DIZZY.
All I really Want is to be LOVED- Truly, MADLY, Deeply, Unconditionaly, UNEQUIVOCALLY, Undeniably &&FOREVER. I am ECLECTIC in every possible way and am COMPLETELY and Utterly RANDOM. I ACTUALLY Rather Sleep On THE COUCH. I'm a NATURAL BLONDE. I have BIG EYES and an even BIGGER HEART. I HEART Rockst*r <3 I WISH My Life were a MUSICAL, so I could Get Away With SINGING & DANCING All The Time. When I See MOVIES, I like to Watch Them Twice or MORE. My MIND is Most Always RUNNING A MILE A MINUTE. There are few things that I HATE MORE than BACKSTABBERS. If you have a PROBLEM with me, TELL ME to my FACE- DON'T be A PUSSY. I am a very NICE, Sweet, Friendly person, BUT I DO Have A DARKSIDE. But it's pretty EASY to STAY on my GOODSIDE. I REALLY Dislike MONEY. &I'm a WORK-IN-PROGRESS. &&I'm ANYTHING, BUT 'JUST' A GIRL.
Nicknames/a.k.a.: Alyssa♥Nicole, Aurially, Lyssa, Lys, Ahhlissuhh, Alishka: The Russian Cutie, Brittney, Lyssa Bean, Lovely, Lovely Lyssa, Lyssa Doll, Lyssa Lotus, LaLaLyssa, Lyssa Lolz, Lyssie, Lyssie Doll, Clem/Clementine, Muffin, Muffin Bean, Jellybean, Julie, Suzie Q, Weird...
At My Best I'm: Carefree, CRAZY, Creative, Open, FRIENDLY, Hyper, Bubbly, Bouncy, SPONTANEOUS, WITTY, Funny, "PUNNY", Goofy, SILLY, Ridiculous, Extremely Social, OUTGOING, Hopefull, Full-Of-Life, TALKATIVE, Colourful, SWEET, Spunky, ADVENTUROUS, Fun, FLIRTY, Happy... ECSTATIC =D
At My Worst I'm: INTENSELY SELF DESTRUCTIVE, Sadistic, MASOCISTIC, Morbid, My Own WORST ENEMY, Overly Sensitive, INSECURE, Unstable, Uncomfortable, EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL, Clingy, Irrational, IMPULSIVE, Listless, Desperate, Angry, PARANOID, Hopeless, HYSTERICAL, Pessimistic, DARK, ISOLATED, Prone to DISAPPEARING from The Online World (LJ, Myspace, ect)... DEPRESSED =<[br />
I Love going for Forever WALKS, Listening to my iPod, PRETENDING I’m In A Music Video, with a Cup of HEAVEN In-Hand and a POEM In-Progress. I like STRUMMING by the Lake; GETTING HIGH off the MELODY, and playing 'Tag' with the TIDES. I Don't SLEEP; I Spend My Nights WRITING Feverishly. I Want to LIVE WITHIN a ROCK MUSICAL. I TALK with my HANDS and I TYPE how I TALK. I get Very Much into THINGS such as Films I've just Seen, so much so, it borders on OBSESSION. I'm ADDICTED to Caffeine. I love STAYING UP ALL NIGHT- LOST in The MOMENT, Lost in These MEMORIES, Lost in Your EYES, in WRITTEN-THOUGHT... in this film we call Our LIVES.
I've worn many MASKS in this masquerade and I've portrayed diverse ROLES on this stage. I seem to Fit In EVERYWHERE I go and have Many FRIENDS from many different 'cliques'. INSIDE JOKES Guarantee A SMILE. My LIFE is a LOTUS. My BED is a BATTLEFIELD. I Don't Measure Up to any of your FASCIST Standards or fit any of your Labels or Molds; STEREOTYPES never played well on my turntable. I can be Kinda ECCENTRIC at times. I TALK To Myself. My favourite letters are L and Q. Highschool NEVER REALLY ENDS. I love INDIAN, Greek and Thai food and SUSHI is To DIE For. I like to SWEAR, but NOT in Excess and NEVER to My Elders. I LOVE Using BRITISH SLANG.
I Love WORDS. I have Quite a Large VOCAB. I Like Adding "ish" and "ness" or Better Yet, "ish-ness", to Words. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE Creating New Words, and Made-Up Languages. Besides English, I Know, but am not even CLOSE to being Fluent In: Spanish, German, Dutch and French. I say "AWESOME" A Lot. I Also say "I Don't Know" Often- even thought I DO know. I LOVE using big words, and KNOWING What They MEAN. "Cool Beans", "Awesome Sauce", "SPIFFY", "Shall", "INDEED", "Loves It", "Quite", "SHITE" (with an "E"), "Bloody Hell", "Bugger", "_____ AS FUCK", are all Common Phrases for me.
I *heart* AMUSING MYSELF by Speaking With FAKE ACCENTS. "BABA GANOUSH" is my Favourite Word. I like Spelling words out How They SOUND- EX. I Love You = EYE LUHVAH YEW. I like to QUOTE Things- I have the bad habit of talking during movies- I don't mean to, it's either because I'm ENJOYING it so much I just have to comment on it, or more likely, it's because I've already seen it and am quoting along with it.
SPEAKING of quoting- I tend to that Quite OFTEN. From FILMS, TV, BOOKS, MUSIC... etc.
"Sometimes I Wonder Why,
I'm So Full Of These Endless Rhymes..."
Quotations #1... "TREAT" [Mel<3], "I Wish That Just ONCE, People Wouldn't ACT LIKE The CLICHES That They ARE." [Claire, Six Feet Under], "Did You Know That If Uou MIX UP The Letters In FUNERAL, You Get 'REAL FUN'?" [Billy, Six Feet Under], "Time Can Tear You Apart, But It Won't Break, Anything That You Are, You Are" [OneRepublic], "Who Gives A FLYING FARTING ELEPHANT?!?" [©Moi], "It's Officially the BIGGEST MIDGET In The GAME! ...I Dunno" [Lady Sovereign], "Raise Yer Hands For THE C.A.B.!!" [Peaches<3], "Lesbian Demands CHEESE, Causes RIOT" [Ellen DeGeneres], "My BRA'S In My ASS" [Ellen DeGeneres], "And I Won't Go. I Won't Sleep. I Can't Breathe, Until You're Resting Here With Me" [Dido], "It's a HAIRFLIP!" [Chris Crocker], "I'm STUCK Somewhere Between MY DREAMS AND REALITY" [?], "I've Placed My LOST YEARS In A CRYSTAL BALL. I GAZE At Them From Time To Time. I See Possibility, Adventure, GROWTH. Instead Of Thinking Of Them As MY LOST PAST, I TRY To See Them As A FUTURE To LOOK FORWARD TO" [Kat<3], "Just Tune In, Turn Off, Drop Out, Drop In, Switch Off, Switch On, And EXPLODE" [Across The Universe/Eddie Izzard/The Beatles], "The Shattered Glass Is In The Past" [©Moi], "HUGS NOT MISSILES!" [Kat<3], "SCARED When You Feel SAFE To START Again" [Embrace], "Every Day I FIGHT A WAR Against The MIRROR, 'CAN'T TAKE The PERSON STARING BACK AT ME. I'm A HAZARD TO MYSELF. DON'T LET ME GET ME. It's BAD When YOU ANNOY YOURSELF; So IRRITATING; I'M MY OWN WORST ENEMY. I Wanna BE SOMEBODY ELSE..." [P!nk], “And God Said: I Will Give Them BEDS, But I Won't Let Them SLEEP!” [©Moi], "I'm Gonna Go Make Myself A BIG GLASS OF VODKA And Sit And THINK ABOUT THINGS" [Two And A Half Men], "Drink More CAFFEINE- Do Stupid Things FASTER &&With More ENERGY!" [Twisted Whiskers Calender], [Mitch Hedberg] , "How Can Something SO WRONG, Feel SO RIGHT?" [?], "Fifty Flavours Of Fucked Up" [Kat<3], "Sometimes There's So Much BEAUTY In The World I Feel Like I CAN'T TAKE IT, Like My HEART'S Going To Cave In" [American Beauty], "QUIET Bob. I Trying To LOOK COOL" [Weebl & Bob], "PURPLEMONKEYDISHWASHER!" [?], "Emotions Are HAZARDOUS To Your Health!" [Mork & Mindy], "With INSOMNIA, Nothing's Real" [Fight Club], "QUICK! Get Me DRUNK!!" [Wonderfalls], "They Know NOTHING About Us" [Terra Naomi], "Oh, No! Not Again! Shut Up! Shut Up!! I Will Kill You!!! I Will Kill You With My EYELINER!!!!" [Geoffrey Paris], "Narcissistic As FUCK!" [Becca<3], "Pale As Fuck" [Various Friends<3], "I'm Learning To Cope, But It's Driving Me Nuts" [Twisted Whiskers Calendar].
Quotations #2... "It's Always CRAZY, So I Feel CRAZY, Therefore I Am CRAZY!" [©Moi], "Life Is Just A CHAIR Of BOWLIES" [?], "Not *Only* Am I OUTTA "IT", But I Am Outta "THIS", "THERE", "WHERE", "THAT", And "HERE" Too! YAY?" [©Moi], "All DOPED UP On Cold Meds. And Caffeine And Whatever The DEUCE You Kids Are Into These Days... POPPYCOCK!" [©Moi], "All The COOL KIDS Have INSOMNIA" [?], "COFFEE FIRST! *Then* Your Mundane BULLSHIT" [?], "Men Are Like Coffee: The BEST Ones Are RICH, WARM &Can Keep You Up All NIGHT" [?], [Corinthians 13], "Dum Spiro, Spero" (While I BREATHE, I HOPE") [Latin Saying], "Fallaces Sunt Rerum Species" (The APPEARANCES Of Things Are DECEPTIVE) [Latin Saying], "My Mind Is RUNNING A Race And I'm LOSING" [Some Bipolar Site], "Through it all, I made my MISTAKES... I STUMBLE And FALL, But I mean these WORDS" [Sum 41], "No Day But TODAY" [Rent], "And I'm WASTING... I'm Wasting EVERY DAY" [James Blunt], "If DRAMA Was VODKA You'd Be So WASTED" [Corinna Fugate], "We Pass The TIME Of DAY To FORGET How Time PASSES" [Amelie], "You Talk, TOO MUCH; No One's Really Listening..... We STUMBLE Into Our Lives: Reach For A Hand To Hold..... Turn Out The LIGHT And What Are You Left With?" [Aqualung], "Valium Said To ME, I'll Take You SERIOUSLY, &We'll Come Back As SOMEONE ELSE, Who's BETTER Than Yourself" [James Blunt], "Feel The ENERGY To Your SOUL, Let The RUSH Take CONTROL" [BKS], "And I'm STEADY, But I'm STARTING To SHAKE, And I DON'T Know How Much More I Can TAKE" [Rob Thomas], "Thought You HAD, All The ANSWERS, To REST Your HEART UPON. But Something HAPPENS, 'Don't See It COMING, Now You CAN'T Stop YOURSELF." [Bird York], "I WISH Someone Would Come Take Me Away, But The PROBLEM Is, You CAN'T Escape Yourself" [©Moi].
Quotations #3... "Forgiveness Means Giving Up The HOPE That The PAST Will Be DIFFERENT" [?], "DON'T Let SOMEONE ELSE'S Opinion Of You BECOME Your REALITY!" [?], "I Will DISAPPOINT You; I am EVERYTHING I WISH I WASN'T, and NOTHING I Say I Am" [?], "Take CHANCES. Have FLAWS. Embrace LIFE" [Real Women Have Curves], "My Mind Is Definately Twisted; Can't Let Go Of The Past. And There's No One Left To Blame When The Lights All Look The Same And Reflections Disappear So Fast" [Mad Caddies], "I'm COOLER Than The Other Side Of Your PILLOW" [?], "Like The STARS We're Born To DIE And Like These ROSES We All Will FADE" [David Usher], "LOST In The MUSIC, All The FOOLISHNESS Of Our LIVES; Speeding OUT OF CONTROL" [David Usher], "I'M FALLING. There's Plenty Of Time To CATCH ME, But You Will JUST WATCH" [?], "In Some Cultures What I Do Is Considered NORMAL" [?], "You Say PSYCHO Like It's A Bad Thing" [?], "I Only LOOK Sweet And Innocent" [?], "Not The BRIGHTEST CRAYON In The Box, Now Are We?" [?], "I Do What The VOICES IN MY HEAD Tell Me To" [?], "I Don't Know Where To Start... Say I'm Tired Or Throw A Party." [Frou Frou], "Wake From Your Sleep, The Drying Of Your Tears. Today... We Escape" [Radiohead], "Let's Go Downtown And HUSTLE STRANGERS For Juice Money!" [Cat & Girl], "REALITY Is A PIE Of Which I DO NOT Require Another Slice!" [Scary Go Round], "We Only Came Inside To ESCAPE The DISCO THUNDERSTORM" [Weebls Stuff], "HOT WATER Is The World's BIGGEST LIE!" [Weebl & Bob], "I Can't Explain Myself Sir... Because I'm Not Myself You See?" [Alice In Wonderland], "Close Your Eyes And Keep Your Mind Wide Open" [Bridge To Terabithia], "Some May Say I Am A Dreamer, But I'm Not The Only One" [John Lennon], "So Let's Lie In The Grass & Stare At The Stars, Live In The Moment Forget Who We Are" [©Moi].
I am extremely EMPATHIC, INTUITIVE and INTROSPECTIVE. I have IMPECABLE Hearing, so don't even TRY talking behind my back. I'm a RADIOHEAD-head and a CLAYmate. I CONTRADICT Myself sometimes. I have Atychiphobia- fear of FAILURE, Atelophobia- fear of IMPERFECTION, Sedatephobia- fear of SILENCE and Athazagoraphobia- fear of being/feeling ABANDONED/Forgotten (not to be confused with being alone- I love being Home Alone, though sometimes I find myself Absolutely Paranoid of being ALONE). Though I honestly SCARE MYSELF more than anything.
I Actually have GOALS In My Life. =] I PLAN on being a PUBLISHED and Successful Writer. I also want to HELP OTHERS to the best of my abilities, with "Ask Alyssa"- my own Non-Profit ORGANIZATION and, to Raise Awareness and Provide Information, Mentoring and Support for those with Mental Illness- Bipolar Disorder, Self Injury, Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder and Attacks, Borderline Personality Disorder, Eating Disorders... ect, and other Related Issues. I ALSO would LOVE to Pursue FASHION/MODELING and a SINGING CAREER.
They Say I'm: Walking-Talking-Living-Breathing ART, SWEET, A Sweet-HEART, Smart, SMILEY, Funky, FEARLESS, Very Altruistic, Quirky, Witty, Ethereal, Loving, Lovable, Kind, ADORABLE, Full of Life, HAPPY, an Angel, Sketchy, Hardcore, 'Punny', Funny, Cute, HONEST, Giving, TRUSTING, Open, MATURE, Strong, SEARCHING, an Inspiration, Determined, Energetic, Expressive, Emotional, CREATIVE, Friendly, SILLY, Ridiculous, Enthusiastic, Awesome, the Best, an AMAZING Singer- I do BRITNEY really well and could/should be the next CANADIAN IDOL, So Photogenic... ect, that I could/should be CANADA'S NEXT TOP MODEL, Really Good at Psychology and I should be a THERAPIST/counselor, PERFECT For SUICIDE GIRLS, Great with Fashion and could be a Stylist, and that I'm going to be (or rather my book/memoir will be) #1 on The NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER LIST one day.
Apparently I Resemble: Kirsten Dunst, Kate Winslet, Katharine McPhee, Marilyn Monroe, Alison Sweeny, Evan Rachael Wood, Drew Barrymore, Betty Boop, Anna Paquin, Leelee Sobieski, Audrey Tautou, Gwyneth Paltrow, Natalie Imbruglia, Geri Halliwell, Alessandra Ambrosio, Amanda Peet, Claire Danes...
"Imperfection Is BEAUTY.
Madness is GENIUS.
&It's *Better* to be ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS,
Than Absolutely BORING."
~Marilyn Monroe
I HAVE DECIDED,
TO *STOP* CENSORING,
MY LIFE, FOR OTHERS!
I AM WHO I AM.
SO, YOU CAN LOVE ME
OR LEAVE ME...
I LIVE with BIPOLAR DISORDER (Manic Depression), and have done so for 7+ years. I also have had an ED ("Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified") for about 12 years, ANXIETY Disorder and PANIC Attacks for... uh, my whole life?, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress), and "deal with" some other "Issues", such as Self-Injury (Cutting), and Substance Abuse. I Can't COUNT How Many "People" I have Seen for SOME Sort of TREATMENT. I've Been In REHAB-RECOVERY Numerous Times; Outpatient Day Programs, and also Long-Term Inpatient "Facilities". My Most Recent being HOMEWOOD- May/7th/08 to July/8th/08.
MY F'ED UP LIL' "LIFE":
It's INTENSE. I Don't Know Where it ALL WENT WRONG... I FEEL Like I'm WALKING AROUND IN CIRCLES... My LIFE Seems Like a ROLLERCOASTER RIDE you Go On, but it NEVER ENDS. It Won't STOP. It's HELLL. And you Keep SCREAMING For Your Money Back, but NO ONE CAN/WANTS To HEAR YOU... Maybe I'm A MASOCHIST, I Don't Know. I can be Very UNPREDICTABLE: One Moment I am ECSTATIC, &&the Next I'm in CRYING HYSTERICS. I OVER DO. I OVER THINK. I OVERREACT. I Don't Feel "REAL"; Everything's So FAR AWAY... Yet, It's SUFFOCATING ME. I CANNOT Get Through a Single Moment Without PILLS &&I FUCKING HATE IT. "But All The DRUGS In This WORLD Won't SAVE HER FROM HERSELF" [Marilyn Manson] ...Somedays, I Just CAN'T Find "HAPPY" :[
...As a result of all this "MADNESS", I Don't Always make the BEST CHOICES: I become SELF-DESTRUCTIVE and Implusive... I get HYSTERIA... My Thoughts RACE... My Mind Feeds Me DISTORTIONS of "Reality"... I Fall Down SO LOW, that I Feel like there is NO WAY I'll EVER Get Back Up... I Stay Awake For DAYS (not even a *WINK* of sleep) and I feel FINE (despite the bloodshot eyes), I am Hyper and Happy, actually- Though I Know LOGICALLLY I should feel like crap.
.I AM NEVER BROKEN.
And with all this, I am NOT Ashamed or Embarrassed. Why should I be? It DOESN'T, in anyway, make me Crazy or Weak. I'm not Insane or Unintelligent, Emo or Weird- Hey, I've always been WEIRD =P "Being Crazy Isn't Being Broken Or Swallowing A Big Secret, It's You Or Me Amplified" [Girl, Interrupted].
I have so many INCREDIBLE FRIENDS that I would never have met if not for these DISORDERS. So in a way, it can be a BLESSING... IN DISGUISE, 'cause I'd be LYING if I didn't tell you that it SUCKS Big Time. I TRY to Take Each Day as they come. I just Keep on Trying... Keep HANGING ON. I've Been Through TOO MUCH to Give Up (Now).
"I Know What It's Like To Want To Die. How It Hurts To Smile.
How You Try To Fit In But You Can't. How You Hurt Yourself On The Outside
To Try To Kill The Thing On The Inside..."
As I've Already said, I am a WRITER- "iWrite, Therefore, I Am". I am a POET. I am a SINGER- but I don't claim to be the "BEST". I am a LYRICIST. I am an ARTIST. I am a Novice GUITARIST (Acoustic) and a Professional INSOMNIAC- I get Paid In Daydreams. I Love Live to WRITE- big surprise, huh? The pen is an EXTENSION of Myself, that Stems from my SOUL, Enveloping all of my Inner Emotions and Truths, which Swim Free as they're POURED via the Ink- my Blood Equivalent; CREATIVE RELEASE, with every Stroke of the PAGE. I LOVE getting LOST IN THOUGHT; when the TIME MELTS WITH THE MOON and before I know it, the BIRDS ARE CHIRPING, and the SUN HAS RISEN Once More. I'd be LOST WITHOUT a Pen and Paper.
I am Very SPIRITUAL. I am an ECLECTIC WICCAN/PAGAN - CHRISTIAN - BUDDHIST. Don’t even TRY to Argue with me about Following Many Religions All At Once, or Tell Me that it isn't Possible. I BELIEVE in: Gods and Goddesses, The Other Side (A.K.A. Heaven), Reincarnation, Past Lives, Angels, Earth Angels, Indigo Children, Spirit Guides, Ghosts, Astral Travel, ESP... and I know this is Kinda Unrelated, but I Also Believe In MERMAIDS, ALIENS and DINOSAURS... I PRACTICE: Crystal and Gem Healing and Energy work, Tarot, Journey and Oracle Readings, Pendulum work, Prayer and Mediation, in my Sacred Space, by my Altar...
I believe deep down that "EVERYTHING Happens For A Reason", "The Obstacle Is The PATH" and that "This TOO Shall Pass". Everything that is MEANT TO HAPPEN, does. So, Stop Dwelling On The PAST, Worrying About The FUTURE, and Panicking In The PRESENT. If We All Stopped 'Trying' To Be Happy, We Might Have A PRETTY GOOD Time! So LIVE, LAUGH and LOVE! Go With The FLOW and "Be The CHANGE You Wish To SEE"!
. ☮♥ .DARE TO DREAM. ♥☮ .
Anything else? Just ask =]
"Two Roads Diverged In A Wood,
And I- I Took The One Less Traveled By,
And That Has Made All The Difference".
~Robert Frost
...I Like Turtles...
..PeaCe &&LoVe..
L☮VE, LYSSA<3