House of Filth - ProfilesArchive

About Me

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASEContacts:The House of Filth Alta Cienega Motel Room 4 (The Jim Morrison 'Suite') 1005 N. La Cienega Blvd. West Hollywood, CA 90069 (Mind the blood stain on the Southern sidewalk approach)Los Angeles based 'House of Filth' to launch Texas Chapter during Yuletide DrunkfestHouston, Texas -- November -16, 2006 - The meteroric rise of alcohol and drug sales in West Hollywood hadn't been equaled since rock vixen Courtney Love's addiction spiked following the suicide of her legendary rocker husband Kurt Cobain in 1994. But, now that the infamous 'Hole' front woman has run out of dough and seems determined to at least be dragged BEHIND 'the wagon', if not stay on it, local drug and liqour retailers have felt the squeeze. "Man. This shit is whack," said rapper and meth dealer Avante' Lavander Jones, "I ain't sold near the kinda shit I did when that crazy white lady always be hanging 'round here."Until now Avante'... until now.Here to save the day, are a band of West Hollywood revelers known, among the seedier WeHo venues, only as 'The House of Filth'. Nearly 20 members strong, the 'House', is comprised of twenty and thirty-something industry insiders with a singular mission... to restore the glamour of old-school, batshit-crazy, drunk and fucked up Hollywood... to it's golden days of glory. The collective 'hallelujah' from the drug and booze dealers has been, almost deafening. "Them kids ain't right..." said Beverages and More District Manager John Lewis, "...but they saved my ass last quarter. I haven't sold that much vodka since Andy Dick got straight. And cigarettes? Hell... they can smoke a carton a night. EACH!"This startling turn around in sales has inspired other markets to lure the 'House of Filth' to start chapters in their cities. In fact, this holiday season, Montrose bar-owners and dealers in Houston... take note and stock up. The rumor mill is a-buzz with chatter over the impending Texas Chapter of 'The House of Filth', set to launch this Christmas. When reached for comment, founding member Dirty Diana had this to say... "AWWWWWWWWWWWWW Shit!!!!!" Indeed Diana.... indeed.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Always on the lookout for new interns.

My Blog

Lesson .33

Never. Ever. Upon any circumstances anger a Chinese Minelli, for it's toe nails are like sabbers, and it's shade like fiery fans of death.
Posted by on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:43:00 GMT

Lesson .15

What happens in Vegas... may potentially get you 5 to 10.... learn to keep your mouth shut, and always carry cash for bail... or bull.
Posted by on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:42:00 GMT

Lesson .50

White People Steal... and don't get in trouble. Always make sure your "white" girl mops, while you distract. They will be clocking your coloured moves, while snow is slipping Juicy Couture into ...
Posted by on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:40:00 GMT

Lesson . 49

Black People Steal.
Posted by on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:39:00 GMT

Lesson .6

If they buy 1 drink, SURELY than can buy another one. Don't use your coins, when others will gladly pay for your time and fierceness.
Posted by on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:38:00 GMT

Lesson .66

VIP means just that. You don't pay, you don't wait in line, and you don't mingle with the GP. VIP doesn't mean you're "on the list," for if you're truly VIP, you need no list. Your f...
Posted by on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:35:00 GMT

Lesson .22

When going into a Sex Club, don't douse on the cologne. You should be as devoid of smell as possible, or resonating that manly musk that true pigs have cum to love. But Drakken Noir is eve...
Posted by on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:32:00 GMT

Lesson .12

"The next time you kiss your boyfriend on the lips, you'll be tasting my OCTOPUSSY!" - Things to say when you call your tricks wife at home.
Posted by on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 23:30:00 GMT