After a rocky childhood, a questionable adolesence, and a furtive affair with ayoung Greek actor, I secretly killed my stepmother, and poisoned her nephew and my girlfriend for their money. I quickly entered the Senate of Rome and faught in the legions alongside Gaius Marius - seven times Consul of Rome - against Africans, Germans and Celts, earning myself a respectable military career. Rumor has it that I had an affair with Gaius Julius Caesar's mother, Aurelia, but rest assured I was curtly denied. More's the pity. After being Urban Praetor of Rome, I quelled a rebellion and defeated the Italian bumpkins in a civil war, and won the coveted Corona Graminea -- after which I declared myself Dictator of Rome and repaired the damage caused by Marius's abhorrible proscriptions and his severe lack of subtlety. Vile man, the Great One. At least my proscriptions were deserved.
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