About Me
Poems about me by my friends.
"My name is Tom Smiff, the barber cut my hair into a quiff,
if you'd like to bend over and touch your toes,
I'll come up behind you, and up my willy goes."
Akam
"My name is Tom Smith and I love men.
especially having sex with them,
Semen is my favourite taste,
I swallow all - there is no waste,
12 inch dongs with which I fiddle,
Split me in half, straight down the middle,
Tonight I am going to see Adequate7,
Then go home to my gay sex... heaven?"
Banks.
"Tom Squit,
he's a bit of a shit,
Tom Squit,
he likes to sit
on your mum's ... clit?
Tom Squit,
he's a bit of a git,
he'll grab your tit,
to score a massive hit,
Tom Squit,
this poem is shit,
but you aint very phitt
in fact, you remind me of a giant nit
Tom Squit?
go spit,
I bet you'll miss the tar-git"
Machin.
"Tom likes to have sex with dead babies,
don't let him bite you, he's got rabies.
He's obsessed with gays,
in many different ways.
So do him a favour and buy him a schlong,
so he's got a reason to take off his thong!
In Tom you've got a sick perverted Chum,
so, watch out for your grannies, he'll do them up the BUM!"
Huges-Evans.
"I am Tom and I bum sheep,
But only if they look quite cheap,
There's no point being discreet,
I like to poke animals with my meat, Many positions I have been through,
They all ended with me having a poo,
I often indulge and watch sheep porn,
Though I am vegetarian and eat Quorn."
Potts
"Tom smith is rather keen,
To enter your mum and reach her spleen.
Masturbation to him is just excercise
Atleast he doesn't whammo in pies.
Tom smith isn't mean
But sex with a woman is his dream."
Akam
"Hello, my name is Tom Smiff,
My kegs have a nasty whiff,
After that night with Andy Malton,
Who gave me a massive hardon,
I wish people would come to my pub,
so I can serve them drinks and grub,
then slip some pills into their drink,
so they are unable to think,
after this i take them home,
where I make them scream and groan,
my parents say that sort of stuff is fine,
but only because they're drunk on wine,
if perchance they were sober,
they'd tell me I was a funky-smelling stoner.
This is a poem by Tom Banks,
for this poem I give him thanks,
I bought him a ticket to Propogandi,
because he is the only person ever to befriend me."
Banks
"Tom Smith is my name,
Andy Maltan my game,
After a nice blow-job,
Up his bum goes my corn on the cob.
After a hard night,
Of sexy bum fun,
I like to play computers,
Plane and Gun.
I'm also a known peadophile,
I go so hard I throw up bile,
I push my self to my limits,
With my diseased little twiglet.
Children, animals, I don't care,
I take them all,
With my loving I am fair.
Only one thing left to say,
I sit and long, for the day,
When beastiality is made legal,
And necrophilia - because I am so feeble,
And unable to catch
A man to call my own.
I sit on my bed,
Andy M i do phone.
He tells me it's ok,
I'll meet someone new!
Then, to his house,
On his chest to poo!"
Machin
"Hello Tom Smith's my name
Rating serial killers is my game
It's like that thing on Harry Hill
Yet with incest and raping roadkill
My all time favourite is Ed Gein
To have a necklace of nipples is my dream
Yes I'm Tom Smith a normal guy
Come round to my house and I'll serve up cannibal pie"
Othen
"Tom talks of killing to try and be manly,
the truth is his favourite film is in fact bambi,
though he doesn't eat deer,
and he looks slightly queer,
And he avoids morgues cos they make him so randy"
Lloyd
"Tom, Tom Tom
he is such a tomboy
he showers with the funboys
he uses many sex toys,
he has a cat
a pussy cat
called Matt the fat cat
he's shagged that cat
right on the mat
his sex toys use many batteries
so many his house glows
like his radioactive toes
and his little green nose
And vaseline,
lots and lots of vaselin
he mixes it with gaseoline
it gives his penis a nice sheen"
Batley and Jen
"Tom Smith is not a meat eating man
He'll fall over in terror, if he sees ham
Yet there is meat he can't turn down
It tends to enter up the hole of brown.
Don't get me wrong, Tom isn't gay.
But he'll think about man meat, every day."
Akam
..
Many thanks to Laura Spakam for this lovely picture
