Heather profile picture

Heather

Oh my shit

About Me

"Pretend to already be something you're on your way to becoming" - some weird astrology dude.I am pretending to be a one-eyed sludge monkey.

My Interests

camping, hiking, finding ways to make my hair behave, finding new and creative ways to injure myself, being cynical, running, yoga-ing, avoiding awkward confrontations, saving the universe, visiting new places, arts and crafts!, washing dishes and other deeply satisfying cleaning, playing in the dirt, teaching, taking the world's worst camping trips with my bro, procrastination, interpretive dance, hablando muy crappy espanol, bike safety, eating cheese, making bulleted lists

I'd like to meet:

People who know enough to know that they don't really know anything

Music:

belle and sebastian, iron and wine, jack johnson, polyphonic spree, flaming lips, spoon, rusted root, the arcade fire, islands, manu chao, bright eyes, south austin jug band, neutral milk hotel, wilco, badly drawn boy, devendra banhart, buena vista social club, dave matthews (shut up music snobs), and beyonce, blackeyed peas, britney. I refuse to be ashamed!

Movies:

Wet Hot American Summer, Elizabethtown, Almost Famous, Princess Diaries, Princess Bride, Neverending Story!, Bridget Jones, Ice Age, Office Space, When harry met sally, Show Girls as seen on VH1 and watched with Becca, Royal Tennebaums, Milo and Otis, White Christmas when watched with my mom and brutally mocked, historical epics and most importantly, Omni movies. I love me some Omni

Television:

When it´s available - lost, gilmore girls, talk soup, south park, jon stewart. Oh yes, and Canadian teen dramas. When it´s not I completely forget these things exist!

Books:

Joseph Campbell is my homeboy. Bill Bryson, Dave Sedaris, Redmond O'Hanlon (I will love you forever if you know who that is) Tim Cahill, Barbara Kingsolver If I could marry a book it would be Made in America by Bill Bryson. My bridesmaids would be every book written by my good friend Dave.

My Blog

Wet willies from God....

... and inappropriate Easter post. I had something really witty and great thought out to write.  It involved a tiny woman with down’s syndrome who spent the palm sunday service next to me,...
Posted by Heather on Mon, 24 Mar 2008 07:21:00 PST

Things I have done today

I just wrote a blog and was about to send it when part of my stupid, uncoordinated hand did something which sent me to the previous page. Goodbye blog. Oh well.So instead here is a list of things I've...
Posted by Heather on Mon, 21 Jan 2008 01:57:00 PST

Deep Thoughts in Dog Parks: A post without an offensive religious comic

As I was scraping up individual hairs, most likely pubic, from the restroom at work it struck me that the people I work for are absolutely bat-shit insane. And while I yell and complain about my job a...
Posted by Heather on Fri, 13 Jul 2007 12:06:00 PST

The streets are actually paved with gourmet cheese

Attention Heaven! I have arrived!!!Welcome! What in the.....I'm going to need to speak to the management!What seems to be the problem?Do you KNOW WHO I AM? I am the founder of the MORAL MAJORITY and i...
Posted by Heather on Mon, 28 May 2007 08:35:00 PST

The unfortunate truth

is that this woman: has a Masters degree (albeit in the dubious field of Communication) and that I never will. It's true.  Someone that dresses up her dogs and arranges valentine's day dates fo...
Posted by Heather on Wed, 09 May 2007 08:53:00 PST

At least he's not using Craigslist

New to the area, just looking for a friend, maybe more LOL :)  Name: Shiva Age: eternal (don't mind younger ladies LOL) Location: Mount Kailash Body type: I have like, thousands of bodies, which...
Posted by Heather on Thu, 12 Apr 2007 12:11:00 PST

A day late, a comic short

I just wanna send a shout out to 50-cent, Chingy and Snoop Dawg. Woo Tang, you always got my back, ya'll.  I wanna thank all you dawgs down at Loud Records.... ...hey ya'll, could you not fall a...
Posted by Heather on Mon, 09 Apr 2007 11:24:00 PST

Like speaking into another's mouth

David and I went backpacking in Arkansas for spring break. That's right bitches, backpacking. Where you carry all your shit on your back. And you walk. All day. And then you find a place to set up you...
Posted by Heather on Sun, 01 Apr 2007 11:15:00 PST

Great black wave in the middle of the sea

Most women have a special pair of jeans in their closet - The SKINNY jeans. No, not the annoying tapered-leg rockstar monstrosity that is making a "comeback." These skinny jeans are the jeans that we ...
Posted by Heather on Sat, 31 Mar 2007 01:03:00 PST

What I do when I should be working

Jesus H. Christ!   Yes?   Wait..what? That's just an expression dude...I've just been on hold for a really long time...   Do you have any idea how many times I do this every day...
Posted by Heather on Tue, 06 Mar 2007 10:30:00 PST