millie!

i have some pretty intense and interesting conversations:

me: "i'm freezing."
her: "hahahahaha. why?"
me: "tank top and short shorts with no heater in the house. you do the math. oh, and no ____ either. he's like a human heater, i swear. or a microwave... like the older dial ones, except his dial is harder to turn..."

her: "on the last couple ones, i just started talking-"
me: "talking? you can't talk on paper."
her: "oh, i so-"
me: "CAN'T. it's this new thing called WRITING."
her: "you know what? i talk!"
me: "NO YOU CAN'T!"
____________________
her: "what's a POW?"
me: "prisoner of war."
her: "who was?"
me: "..."
____________________
her: "what is that, though?"
me: "a prisoner of war?"
her: "wait, prisoner or president?"
me: "right, a president of war."
____________________
her: "i see a bush!"
me: "intelligent or not?"
her: "it's a leaf."
me: "oh, well then, it's more intelligent than the other one."
her: "what other one?"
me: "george w."
her: "ohhhhhh."
____________________
her: "what, jesus was a fish?!"
____________________
him: "what if i gave you something that made you happy?"
me: "like what?"
him: "hmm, a cupcake?"
____________________
me: "he doesn't know how to BE an ass, yet he is one. what is that about?!"
her: "if you're gonna be an ass, at least know HOW."
me: "yeah, seriously. we should have an ass class in school."
____________________
her: "don't laugh at confused people, it makes them even more confused...ER."
____________________
me: "crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap..." *stomps foot*
him: "your face is red, were you just laughing?"
me: "no, i was crapping."
us: *crack up*
***good times in hart's class, eh?***
____________________
her: "wait, are you talking about me again?"
me: "yes."
her: "wha-whoa, really?"
me: "hahaha, i like the again."
____________________
me: "i'm gonna go cry in a cor--"
her: "on your BED, because it's the only thing that LOVES you!!"
____________________
her: "it's too big for my mouth!"
me: "OH GOD!"
____________________
her: "god this is annoying."
me: "really? your voice annoys me too. i mean, what?"
her: "i hate you."
____________________
her: "dude, who do you like?"
me: "hmm... wait, me?!"
her: "yes, i'm on the phone WITH YOU."
me: "oh, i thought you mocking someone at first."
____________________
me: "you know what i hate?"
her: "no. yes. no. what?"
me: "when you mistake mailboxes for people."
her: "I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN!"
____________________
me: "hmm, i think i'll put my hair up in some weird-ass style that makes the people i'm hanging out with today not want to know me."
him: "you are too cruel."
____________________
her: "so kris plays in the orche-- i mean, band?"
me: "yeah, he's a percussionist."
her: "oh. OH, he's the one i think is a girl!"
____________________
me: "i bet i can get so high only dogs can hear me."
her: *cracks up*
____________________
her: "kay, i fixed it."
me: "you fixed your face."
her: "no, i didn't. wait, WHAT?!"
us: *crack up*
me: "oh yeah, i can tell."
____________________
me: "YOU MADE ME HYPER, DAMMIT!"
____________________
him: "my parents will be wondering what i did over here."
other him: "yeah, just tell them 'well, the naked twister got kinda outta hand...'"
first him: "happy birthday, brandon!"
____________________
us:"omg it's a bagel!!"
____________________
her:"what are corn dogs made out of?"
me:"CORN... and DOGS, of course!!!"
her:"WHAT!!?!??"
____________________
me:"so i blow and you suck?"
____________________
her:"NOOOO!!!NOOOOOOOOO! WHY DOES EVERYTHING I TOUCH BREAK?????!"
me:"please don't touch me tomorrow."
____________________
me:"ms smedley, i didn't do my homework because i was thinking about ashton kutcher."
me impersonating her:"oh. well, i guess it's time to tell you that i didn't grade your papers because i was, too."
____________________
me:"you know, you're MUCH more interesting than marissa."
him:"do you notice i only use three or four words?"
me:"do you notice i was being sarcastic?"
____________________
me: "hey look, you're online."
im: "kris is offline."
me: "lmao."
____________________
him: "BAAAH!!"
her: "AAAAAAH!!"
him: "BAAAH!!"
her: "AAAAAAAH!!"
him: "BAAAH!"
her: (you'd think she'd catch on by now...) "OH SHIT!!"
____________________
them: "c'mon, marissa! you can do it! go, go, go! *continues cheering her on*"
me: "beat zack!!!!"
her: *stops* "wth? oh CRAP!!!"
____________________
her: "shut up! it's not my fault! I STEPPED IN A BOX!!!"
me: "*lmao*"
____________________
her: "AAAAAH!! GET OFF ME!! GET OFF MY HAND! you ugly fly..."
.::later::.
"Buh bye! Buh bye, fly.. I SAID GOODBYE... GET OFF ME BEFORE I SLAP YOU!!!! ... buhbye."
____________________
me: "you fuckquad."
____________________
him: "he has a vaginapple."
us: "WHAT??!"
him: "i said he has a giant apple."
____________________
me: "yeah. aren't his eyes blue?"
her: "idk, i don't look people in the eyes."
me: "that's because you're anorexic."
____________________
me: "well, he trusted me with his HANDS!!"
her: "... what??!"
me: "that didn't come out right."
____________________
me: "hey, old man, you look very negotiated. wait, wrong 'n' word...."
____________________
her: "don't say crap so much, it's a bad word."
.::moments later::.
"OH SHIT!!"
____________________
him: "what'd he say?"
me: *trying to be helpful* "something about tiny living orgasms...."
both of them: *start cracking up*
me: "i really messed that word, didn't i?"
him: "i think you meant organism."
____________________
me: *walk into room*
guys: "HI MILLIE!!!!"
my "friends": *stare.* "oh, hi.*
____________________
me: "we're tighter than a fat kid in spandex."
her: "but it hurts...."
me: ".... oh, for a sec i thought you mean the fat kid."
____________________
me: "you're so cool, you don't just burn them, you give them freezer burn!"
him: *shakes head.... probably thinking something along the lines of "i don't know her..."*
____________________
me: "you don't know what a moonpie is? well, it's not a cowpie. i'm eating one right now."
her: "EWWWWWWWW!"
me: "the moonpie, you idiot."
____________________
it: "do you like starbursts?"
her: "no, i hate coffee."
____________________
her: "i don't stuff like that."
____________________
her: "i thought your phone died. why are you calling?"
me: "because i like you."
____________________
me: "aww man. i spilled all THREE KINDS of delicious flakes."
____________________
her: "so if your nose is plugged or anything, just tell me and i'll buy you some of this stuff that you spray... i think it's called sierra mist or something."
me: "i hope it's not sierra mist; that'd burn."
____________________
me: "rita doesn't get a heart."
____________________
her: "just call you turkey! wait what??"
____________________
her: "something's beeping."
"ok it's the phone."
"i can't find the problem."
me: "lmao."
her: "i... hate... you."
____________________
her: "let me pee my penis."
me: "uhm WHAT?!"
her: "i said LEAVE ME TO MY PEACE!!"
____________________
me: *purr*
her: "AAAAAH!"
me: "WHAT?!"
her: "THAT CREEPED ME OUT!!"
me: "what, this? *purr*"
her: "AAH! yes, that!!"
____________________
me: "hey! i CAN purr and talk at the same time!"
her: *idk what she's really doing but i can imagine she's either A) glaring or B) giving the phone a birdie for me* =]
____________________
her: "i just went hunting."
"really? what'd you get?"
"crazy asian twelve year old."
"mmm. sounds good. grilled or broiled?"
(just HAD to put that one on for marissa, sarah, and ashley ;] lol)
____________________
me: "why is it called starbucks?"
her: "because that's where the stars spend their bucks."
me: "oh."
her: "DUH. didn't you know that??"
me: "uh...of course."
her: "well good."
____________________
me: "we should get a convertible, so when we do chinese fire drills all we have to do is jump in."
her: "no, i want a car that has a top on it when we do those."
me: "how would that help??"
her: "i'd just jump on top of the car!"
me: *lmao*
____________________
me: "harry potter is the only thing that brings me really true JOY, okay? so just... *hyperventilate* just... just...
BACK OFF!!"
____________________
me: "okay, since you weren't there when i flipped my dad off, you have to be there when i flip rita off, okay?"
her: "what? i wasn't listening."
____________________
me: "hey! so i'm less than you guys?"
them: *crack up*
me: "what?"
them: "just say it again."
me: "i... am ... less than you guys?"
them: *crack up*
me: "WHAT???"
____________________
me: "i didn't mean you; i meant your face!"
*lmao* you had to be there =]
____________________
**one time, i hurt my arm when i was with my friends...**
her: "oh god that looks bad."
other her: "put some ice on it!"
HIM: "it's blue, hahahahahahahahaha!!"
**this proves which gender is more sensitive**
**wait... i was laughing, too...**
____________________
her: "how do you make a cursive 'r'??"
me: "well you start at the top left and make the little curve-"
her: "WHAT? THERE'S A CURVE???"
____________________
her: "WHAT?? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??"
me: "uhm. you."
her: "WHAT?"
***i swear, that's her favorite word***
____________________
me: "i wanna say something about a chicken, but i know that isn't right..."
____________________
her: "i'm gonna get it layed."
____________________
her: "wait what?? there's fourteen days in a year??"
me: ***lmao***
her: "i mean, month."
me: ***lmao more***
her: "stop laughing!!"
____________________
me: "i love you more than my shoe!!"
her: "and that's not saying much..."
me: "hey i LOVE MY SHOES!"
____________________
me: "ggrrr."
her: "what?"
me: "i hate you."
us: *crack up*
her: "hey! that's my line. you say "i love you."
me: "oh yeah. so it would go like, me: "grr"
you:"what?"
me: "i love** you!"?"
her: *hahaha* yup!
me: "like that'd happen... in your dreams."
____________________
me: "i'm confused."
her: "what?"
me: "i'm confused.."
her: "about WHAT?"
me: "i'm JUST CONFUSED, okay?? there does NOT have to be a reason to be confused!"
____________________
me: "it is SO FREAKING SADD that you HYPERVENTILATE over that."
____________________
me: "it's okay, marissa. admitting it is the first step to recovery."
____________________
him: "there must be a better way to grow people than having children."
____________________
me: "hey look, i'm number five."
her: "on who?"
____________________
her: "i can't do polka dots. i'm not a circle person."
me: "but you always go in circles!"
____________________
me: "i have a thirst for shiney metal ass."
____________________
me: "wait, that wasn't a pun, was it? it was just... emphasizing a word... to create a humorous effect."
____________________
her: "who's krystal?"
____________________
her: "i'm booooredd..."
me: "you know what? i don't care!"
her: "you meanie head!!"
me: "you know what? I ALREADY KNEW THAT!!"
____________________
me: "if you're late tomorrow, i'm going to butcher you with a butcher's knife."
her: "okay. then i'm going to be late on purpose."
me: "you emo child. 'i'mgonnabelateonpurposesoyouhavetobutchermewithabutcher'skn ife- HA!' oh yeah, that'll teach me."
____________________
me: "hey, i made a wooden fish today--"
her: "outta what??"
me: "... PLASTIC!"
**can you tell that i absolutely hate sarcasm?**
____________________
her: "what are you doing?"
me: "typing up our fish conversation."
her: "what? NO! why do you always do this to me?!?!"
____________________
me: "i'm sad. i got an average on one of my tests."
her: "why? average isn't bad."
me: "i was usually high!"
____________________
her: "you were inspecting my brother's shampoo?"
____________________
punchline: "i wonder what these things in my pants mean..."
____________________
me: "i have wings. and they're so smart they make themselves invisible, along with my halo."
her: "yeah, right. more like HOOVES and AFRO!!"
____________________
me: "it's just a guy. it's not like he's going to EAT YOU."
____________________
me: "night, skyler! sweet dreams! i love you**!"
him: "right. night, millie mae."
me: "... don't you love** me back?"
him: "uhm... yeah."
me: "haha, i love it when guys don't say the words. bye, skyler!"
____________________
her: "are you an ostrich?"
me: "why, yes, i am!"
her: "then get away from me."
me: "why? are you allergic to ostrichs?"
her: "no, i'm allergic to you."
me: "that's confusing."
her: "no it's not."
me: "considering a ewe is a female sheep..."
____________________
me: "why did my mind trust you more than one of my best friends to save me? ohhhh, now THAT is deep!"
him: "maybe it is because you think or me as a 'hero' or sumthing."
me: "nice comeback."
____________________
me: "you get everything. why can't you give me JUST ONE of your scary stalkers??"
____________________
me: "so what're you doing those days?"
her: "my cat."
me: "you're doing your cat?"
her: "yeah...HEY!"
me: *LMFAO*
____________________
her: "hell YEAH!"
me: "HELL yeah!"
(the other) her: *weak voice* "hell yeah!"
____________________
her: "you deleted all my songs except these two!?!"
____________________
me: "you forgot a quotation mark!"
____________________
her: "your mom jokes are getting old."
me: "your mom is getting old."
____________________
her: "i'm going to go put on my happy face."
me: "good luck with that."
her: "hey, your cousins are being a bad influence."
me: "what i meant was... with kids like yours, it must be hard..."
***that's what i love about my family.***
***i can insult them and they still have to love me.***
____________________
me: "i don't know why, but skulls are incredibly hot."
____________________
me: "i need a massage.
him: "try to get a toy fox terrier to run around on your back."
____________________
me: "i'm gonna go cry! in a cor--"
her: "on your bed!"
me: "what?"
her: "well you talk about it so much..."
____________________
her: "are you arguing with yourself... over where you left your bed?
____________________
me: "I GET KNOCKED, BUT I GET DOWN AGAIN..."
____________________
her: "that reminds me of someone..."
me: "who?"
her: "you know... that guy..."
me: "what?! he doesn't fuck dogs in asses!"
her: "NOO, i meant the "yeaa" song!"
me: "ooooooh!"
us: *CRACK UP*
____________________
me: "comma time!"
her:"comma fest!"
me: "oktoberfest!"
***gotta love the trains...***
____________________
me: "i feel like screwing the whole world... but not in the literal sense, because that would make me a whore."
____________________
her: "i don't love you."
him: "i'm gonna go commit suicide now."
her: "you're going to commit suicide because i don't love you?"
him: "whaatever.."
____________________
me: "and i don't like bitches... except for the whiney, drunk ones."
her: "teehee.:]"
____________________
her: "how are you?"
me: "good. i suppose. except not. but that's just fine."
her: "not good is fine?"
me: "well... might as well be."
____________________
me: "yay... pain!"
(note: i meant the song...)
her: "OWWWW. omfg... owowowow!"
me: "wow, nice timing."
____________________
her: "want to see the gayest thing ever?"
me: "please don't pull out a mirror."
____________________
her: "milliemilliemilliemilliemilliemillie."
____________________
her: "i'm going to stop eating."
me: "but then you'll die."
her: "just for a while."
me: "...oh, i thought you meant you'd just die for a while. and i do believe dying is permanent, my dear."
____________________
her: "i just washed like, all the dishes."
me: "wow, you must be bored."
her: "no, i feel productive, stop chasing me!"
____________________
him: "my hair is FLUFFY!"
me: "FLUFFY?"
him: "FLUFFY!!!!!!!!!"
____________________
him: "i need to go find a lighter."
me: "i like lighters, if you know what i mean."
____________________
her: "girls are nice, but guys are nice too."
____________________
her: "there's a tunnel in your rabbit?"
____________________
me: "sushi from haggens.... HAGGENUSHI!"
____________________
me: "it feels like my clothes keep running away."
____________________
me: "it's not daylight savings time, it's back to normal time."
her: "NOTHING IS NORMAL!!!"
____________________
me: "i was making a list of things i need to shop for in my mind-"
her: "-uhm... *cracksup*"
me: "i meant i was making the list in my mind, not that i had to shop in my mind!"
____________________
me: "pink elephants don't like you."
her: "wait WHAT?!"
me: "and that's like, everyone you know, isn't it?"
her: "wait WHAT?!!"
me: *cracks up*
her: "meanie!"
me: "haha, that's going on my myspace."
her: "WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME?!"
____________________
me: "if i ever become a teacher, i'm gonna use that line in class one day - 'now, some of you may say, "i'm just gonna cheat and get it over with." but that, kids, reminds me of saying, "i'm just gonna die and get it over with." and you are not allowed to say that, children! never!"
____________________
**laaf. duhh.