RJK

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A duel was fought between Alexander Shott and John Nott. Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was not shot. But Shott says that he shot Nott. It may be that the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, or it may be possible that the shot Shott shot, shot Shott himself. We think, however, that the shot Shott shot, shot not Shott, but Nott. Anyway it is hard to tell which was shot and which was not.AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. ; 2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. ; 3. Avoid arguments with 'the Mrs.' about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. ; 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to Use a timer. ; 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. ; 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then; you'll be afraid to cough. ; 7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. ___________________________________________________________1 . He who laughs last,....... thinks slowest.2. On the other hand,...... you have different fingers.3. 42.7 percent of all statistics ..........are made up on the spot.4. 99 percent of lawyers ...........give the rest a bad name.5. Remember, half the people you know........... are below average.6. A day without sunshine is like night.7. Depression is merely anger ............without enthusiasm.8. The early bird may get the worm,............ but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.9. Support bacteria. ...........They're the only culture some people have.10. A clear conscience is usually the sign........... of a bad memory.11. Change is inevitable,......... except from vending machines.12. If you think nobody cares,.............. try missing a couple of payments.13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? ............Raise my hand.14. OK, so what's the speed of ........dark?15. When everything is coming your way, .........you're in the wrong lane.16. Hard work pays off in the future............. Laziness pays off now.17. How much deeper would the ocean be ...........without sponges?18. Eagles may soar, ............but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.19. What happens if you get scared half to death,............. twice?20. Why do psychics have to ask you............ for your name?21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering,......... 'What the heck happened?'22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck,........... we would all fall off.23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until ...you hear them speak.24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, .........might burn your butt tomorrow.and finally...................25. Men in glass houses.....dress in the garage.They laugh because I’m different, but I laugh because they’re all the same.______________________________________________________T he Zen of Sarcasm1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment. 12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. 13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield. 14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them 15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 16. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 21. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.