88199096 - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I am the Drop The Dead Donkey of Noel Edmonds, am I not? Don't worry; I get that a lot. You probably think I changed my name to Noel Edmands by Interpol, but no, it is just another one of life's similar names what it does. You couldn't make me up and, "Oh, I snorted," as Nick Ferrari would say. Let me explain what this is all about. I am a vessel of all of your pain and that sort of thing what makes you actually do your arm choppy. I am what you want me to be; you need me to be a mirror of what you need me to be, you do. I will not struggle. I will not crimp. I will not fade. I will not turn away. I have got some poster paints now, so I am doing a big black background, upon which I shall paint the velvet of a purple night to symbolise other people, and how they don't understand what it's like to be a teenage arse-wipe, and me, your occult guardian with his seven powers of comeuppance bane, vested in the immortal Blude Horsey Angel, Golden Dippers Griffin, Gort Unicorn and Delphic Pigeon. We believe from baring arseholes, pumping the foul stench of truth into the valleys of the clattering mouths, that these poster paints, once properly scanned-in and up-pippied here, will resonate throughout the meridian of our prime terrors and shatter it into a thousand tiny pieces, and make it totally non-effective anymore.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

It would be wonderful to meet Nelson Mandela and find out if he really is such a goody-goody.Fiona from Crystal Roofgain, because she sounds very nice, and she specifically phoned me last year, knowing I would like their one-month-only 10% discount.

My Blog

Anna Raeburn Murder Solved?

Could be! And here's who did it. What follows is yet another stunning intercept that hints at why Anna Raeburn was so needlessly murdered live on air during what turned out to be possibly her final s...
Posted by on Sun, 07 Oct 2007 13:44:00 GMT

Nanny Mabels Spinning Ashtray.

Do you remember playing this game? It was only popular in the late '70s, early '80s, then it died off when Star Birds came out. We'd take Nanny Mabel's spinning ashtray, and each put a frog in it, la...
Posted by on Sat, 25 Aug 2007 13:13:00 GMT

Jenna Jameson is back from Space.

If you haven't been accepted as one of Jenna's Dream Boys, I suppose I should let you know that she's safely re-entered the Earth's atmosphere, and landed at Cape Canaveral after three weeks in orbit...
Posted by on Sun, 22 Apr 2007 18:26:00 GMT

Ben, And The 14th Century Texts.

Obviously, Ben has gone on to become older than he was, and he no longer is in danger of reading my posts at the age of two, because he's thirty-seven now, or something similar; like thirty-nine. It ...
Posted by on Sun, 22 Apr 2007 18:24:00 GMT

For My Eyes Only.

Sit down, because this is going to take some time. I went to Comet today and saw a sign saying "The last teasmade in the country", and underneath was a Russell Hobbs teasmade with built-in DVD player...
Posted by on Sun, 22 Apr 2007 10:05:00 GMT

Essential Bran Flake And Kiwi Pro-Rejuvenoids.

Would you like help stopping starving African children, or would you like someone else to do it, or what? If it's the latter, you can even smell nice at the same time by purchasing all of your soap f...
Posted by on Sun, 22 Apr 2007 07:46:00 GMT

Intercepted!

Dear Mr Lamborghini, This is just to make-a de point with regard to the vibrator and his effect, you know, on female vaginal lobes, flaps, valves and dente. From the medical perspectivio of a gynaeco...
Posted by on Sun, 22 Apr 2007 07:28:00 GMT

I don't know what this means.

The Streak Was It was written by D: Glenn Lewis Frey. I only know that because music is my life and it's something I feel very passionate about. So much so, that, last year, I spent four hours using ...
Posted by on Sun, 22 Apr 2007 07:23:00 GMT

Poetry For God's Sake

Hello, I'm an Arab poet today. Being Arab For A Day If you remember me in flashback, you'll remember me in a yashmak. Wo Het was volledig van kleuren het bestaan waarvan ik niet behalve ...
Posted by on Sun, 22 Apr 2007 06:44:00 GMT

I'm still waiting...

When I go to the bother of answering your surveys, I find it extremely rude that you don't mark them and return the score to me as soon as possible. I'm still waiting for the results on a couple of th...
Posted by on Sat, 07 Oct 2006 22:13:00 GMT