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About Me

No, I ain't really got an airport in Szolnok. They ain't got one. I was only mucking about. Silly name, isn't it? Anyway, the other airport's coming along quite nicely, now that we managed to get it through Dutch Customs. You need to have little expansion grooves put in it these days to stop it becoming corrugated from the sheer weight of modern planes trying to land all the time, which are becoming more and more full of more and more people, and are flying faster and doing it upside-down. No, again. I joke. I have all the licenses, ISOTOPICS and Queen stickers, and they assure passengers that that's simply not going to happen; or we get our stickers removed. Believe me, they're pretty efficient at swooping in a doing that if they decide to. And when I say swoop, it does look like that if they fly in.I'm sorry I've had to remove my previous biography, but having just read it, I realised that some of it wasn't true.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

A Gorean doormat.

Phat Gurlz (fattie)
..

My Blog

UFC 90 - Spidey Pants vs Sexual Predator Force Taped, Previewed, Smashed Up, Mothers!

Pre-DNF-G450 series VIII, the forge J4 Saturai Edge-9 Punch-N-Go-Festival 40 was covered through syndicated ABC1s and 2s. If Latin Legs takes on Big Soldier Lips Mutunda from the Ugandan UKFGR, then t...
Posted by on Wed, 02 Sep 2009 02:41:00 GMT

Know Your Future Before It's Happened, Thank You!

Whether you'd like to know when your tortoise will escape and where he'll go, who your mother was, what your name is, how old you are in real life, or simply if and why your grandfather was in the Roy...
Posted by on Sat, 22 Aug 2009 10:19:00 GMT

Well, Guess Who I Was Talking To Today!

All right, here's a little clue: She's a good friend of mine, and she's got a bumhole bigger than the average gearbox after it's produced a couple of kids. Any ideas yet? Let me elaborate. Imagine the...
Posted by on Thu, 04 Jun 2009 10:12:00 GMT

Amphibian Conspiracy Progress

I'm in, and you are really reading this, cunt! Spinsters of solitude, gather up your heavy leather aprons and drawers closer! And to all those (cunts) who say, "People don't conspire 'bout ting, Winni...
Posted by on Wed, 03 Jun 2009 06:15:00 GMT

The Lost Portion

A most moving sentiment from Richie Haven's version of Bob Dylan's song about James Bond."Until all he believes are his eyesAnd his eyes just tell him liesHis ears disrobe the womanOf deposits no one ...
Posted by on Fri, 06 Feb 2009 11:13:00 GMT

A lady asked me: Validate me like that parking they do on Columbo, Otto?

I raped her again but certainly not the sort of thing that you'd see in Columbo. I don't know what it means to validate parking, so this is what I said:1. One day you're gonna trip over people dying o...
Posted by on Sat, 02 Aug 2008 14:49:00 GMT

Knob Ache And Aloe Vera Blob

If you find that after I've had two or three goes on the Fred Dibnah con rod refurbishment test and I'm getting a sore dilly then you are too, I just apply some Aloe Vera juice straight up on it (not...
Posted by on Sun, 21 Oct 2007 04:23:00 GMT

900 Visits: Thanks To Me - Ruined

My pals, I have produced 900 unique visits, and that is the goal I set myself as an infant on the knee. I can remember writing to Allah and asking him to visit 900 visits upon me, peace be a poem, an...
Posted by on Mon, 28 May 2007 07:49:00 GMT

Aldous Huxley

Last week I bled to death (not literally) writing out these Limericks for The Aldous Huxley Through-The-Night Warbling Show with Aldous Huxley on LBC, and he's publicly snuffed me live on air, i...
Posted by on Sun, 05 Nov 2006 19:07:00 GMT

When's the last time I did something really worthwhile?

Well, it's funny you should ask that. I found a sparrow with a snotty nose. Mrs Coulthart said I should report it to the RSPCC, but I just ate it anyway.  
Posted by on Sun, 17 Sep 2006 06:05:00 GMT