8741975

TRANSFORMATION: A STORY...Adolescence is a turbulent and traumatic time in most of our lives. Mine was no different. My parents divorced in an age and a town where one did not do this. My father remarried and my only sister and I became the oldest of six. My mind was continually in turmoil as I tried to secure the love of both mothers, each of which made me feel that loving one meant not loving the other. I did everything I could to please, still feeling unloved. Despite this, I considered myself a good person, the daughter of the small town school principal, a churchgoer. At age sixteen, my entire outlook on life and my concept of self was changed... I am not sure what triggered the crisis in my head, but for over two weeks, I struggled. It became apparent to me that if I truly believed that the words contained in the Bible were true, if God was who He said He was and Jesus was His Son, then I was required to do something with that information. I knew I had to make a choice. How could I continue to live for myself if God was real? The decision I was struggling with did not come easily. It meant I was giving up my dreams and placing my life and destiny in the hands of Another. It was almost a time of mourning as I let go of the me I envisioned and allowed for whatever He would choose. It meant that I had to let go of my concept of self, become poor in spirit. There was no walking the line here; it was an all or nothing decision for me... I can only describe what happened when I gave my life over to Him as a transformation. I no longer held that I was good. I had nothing to offer Him. Scary though it was, He had everything to offer me. I am now His child, the beloved daughter... Do I believe that we all are in need of this transformation? I would stake my life on it. The thirty years that have followed that life changing moment, I would not trade for anything. Has it been easy? No way. I have been homeless and hungry, abandoned and angry. I meant at age sixteen for the decision to be once for all. Naively I assumed this was possible. I have forgotten my promises; God has graciously provided times of renewal. My status as the beloved daughter has never changed though, for that, I thank God.