In general people who share the same interests as myself (especially movies and pool) as well as people who can share new things with me. I would like to meet people who are not afraid to be around new people. People who are just out to have fun and have big aspirations for life! So what do you consider fun?? What are your aspirations?? Oh and if you consider yourself good at pool THAT'S A PLUS! Either way, I'm a very social person so you've got to be able to handle that.
Potential friend / girlfriend: I'm not so sure... That's quite a bit more complicated than friendship. There are qualities that would definitely need to be present. In general, I would have to be attracted to you first of all and hopefully we'd share a few common interests. Other than that what I've come up with so far is this... You would have to be honest, kind, and loving as well as intelligent and mature. You would have to have a healthy social life, know how to make a good decision, know how to deal with problems, be able to compromise and improvise, be able to communicate your feelings well, be emotionally stable, have passions (hobbies you can't live without), have goals or dreams and have a positive outlook on life. I want a girl who will be my best friend and my lover. A girl who can inspire me. A person I can look up to. A girl who is secure with herself . Someone to accentuate my life when I need it most. A partner who will be the sunlight on my cloudy days. An individual who knows the fine line between quality time and quantity time. And understands the balance between personal space and shared space. A mentor and a student so that we may help one another grow as individuals and together. A person who understands me or inquires to understand me and doesn't believe in traditional standards for couples. I may seem picky, but that's because I would not be looking for THE perfect girl. I would be looking for the perfect girl for me. I don't want a girl who will make me her life... I want a girl who will share the important parts of her life with me and vice versa. And that should be the same for my girl. "you don't have to make someone your world in order for them to mean the world to you"
guys: I'm not sure how many are gonna want to add me as a friend... I think as long as you are not homophobic then you'll be ok. I am not gay! But some guys are like, "what the fuck?!" or "what the fuck!?" (for those of you who know the difference) and just delete requests and messages from other guys you know!? I'm trying to find guys that actually have content on their page.. something more than, "shit this and fuck that" and "Ladies this and ladies that". I'm trying to find guys that understand and accept femininity in both themselves as well as the opposite sex. Man, I'll tell you it's a bitch and a half too; to find them. Well enough about that.. So how about you? How's your content?
More About Me:
A little history behind Shinichi: He has had four major and or long term relationships which span across the course of 10 years. The first long term relationship was about two and a half years long. The second was a little over a year. The third almost lasted three years. After that Shinichi entered the "dating" scene and dated a couple girls both for a short period of two months. After that Shinichi met who would become his first major relationship. Although this relationship only lasted four months. The lessons he learned from it will forever influence his everyday perceptions and actions. Followed by that was yet another relationship which served as an eye opener for Shinichi. Lessons to be learned, experiences to be had.. In the end, no hard feeling were held. Shinichi has learned a great deal about relationships over the years, has evolved into who he is today, and has raised his standards. Shinichi has since then entered a new chapeter in the book of his life. A chapter shared by his love, Cindy Wang. A chapter which brings much joy and many new experiences for him to learn from. Motivated by his love, Shinichi had grown more within one year than the previous 4 years combined. Further still, Shinichi will continue learning about who he is, what he wants and what he needs. Shinichi will always be very careful of the decisions he makes and what he chooses to commit to in life but is anxious to see what experiences await to be discovered in his life next..
A typical Shinichi reaction when Shinichi meets someone he's really into he gets a little clingy. He tries hard not to, but it's difficult. He is quick to try to prove his loyalty and is up front with his feelings. This is because he feels insecure. Not insecure about his interest losing interest or his interest being stolen, but that he's sending a message stating he's losing interest. After establishing a good foundation however he feels less insecure and returns to his normal state of exuding confidence.
Psychology of Shinichi:
Shinichi's goals and aspirations in life are governed by his desire to fill a void that was left unfilled within his childhood. Although many of the factors that caused this void are now in the process of change and or has been eliminated Shinichi's need for them will continue on for the remainder of his life. Two major goals and aspirations that can be directly correlated to this fact is Shinichi's relationship and career choices.
Shinichi feels that the single most important thing he can do with his life is to have a successful relationship and family. Growing up, his parents ran a family restaurant which meant little time was left to be spent with their kids at the end of the day. In addition to that his father was raised without parents and as a result he did not understand what it meant to be a good father. Further more the relationship between his parents was not what would be considered a successful relationship by Shinichi's standards. observing the pain suffered by his mother, father, siblings, father's mother and himself, Shinichi realized that he did not want to have such a bleak future for himself and his family. Thus deciding that concentrating on the understanding of individuals and human emotions was more important than excelling in any career field.
His reasoning for this was that having a career with an empty home would only create a trap of depressing emotions. The reasoning for this goes as follows. Work does not make people happy. The love that is felt from family and friends is what makes people happy. Therefore if one's relationship is built around his or her career, that person's relationship is limited in how much happiness it can offer. However if one were to build their career around their relationship than the amount of happiness is not limited.
Shinichi's major merits include:
He is very honest
He is very respectful
He is very faithful
Still friends with all former girlfriends (maintains contact)
And has been there every single time he was needed (if possible)
Shinichi's stress relievers (Not in any particular order):
Driving
Sitting in my car
Shooting pool
Clubbing
Partying
Networking
Thinking
Conversing
Being alone (sometimes)
Sleeping
Listening or watching the rain
Listening to music
Watching movies
Sitting outside of a Starbucks and watching people walk or drive by
So tell me.. What are your stress relievers?
Thoughts And Ideas:
Ever feel like people just don't see who you really are? Or you know you're a good person but just can't handle all the stress sometimes and act in some way that you wished you didn't? Well then maybe this can help you. This is what I believe.
Most people tend to see only the reaction of the actions that affect an individual rather than see the individual for who they really are. Therefore once you understand and accept who you are, you can learn to control the effects of those actions. The result, people will see who you are and you will act in ways you wont regret.
Just a realization that I'm having. All I ever really wanted was to have a simple life in which I could focus on having a great home life with satisfaction in my work place. I believe that as long as I have enough to pay the bills and have room for comfort, I can focus on building a life long relationship but I'm finding that maybe those goal are not as obtainable as I once thought. It seems that society has developed in such a way that most of today's men and women have forgotten the reason for working so hard. Sure survival comes first but how much does one really need to survive? So then why is it that so many people work to obtain more than what is needed? Most people who are shaped by today's society work in order to buy things to show their status of wealth. These people feel that this makes them happy and or will attract happiness to them. I believe this process of thought could use improvement. Yes it is nice to have some of these things but to work so hard for it is not healthy. Once one's own survival is secured the next primary instinct should be to insure the survival of our loved ones should it not? For them I want more than what's necessary. So following these beliefs I have been going about my life trying to find someone I can share my life with, but because so many people believe that one needs to have more stability in their professional life before building their personal life, I feel pressured to believe I'm wrong about happiness. I have researched this thought greatly and have come to this conclusion that if I work within the limits of what society, school, and the work world tells me it has to offer me then I will never be able to forge life as I see it fit. Why work for someone else who will not recognize my creativity, importance and hard work? Even if I do find an employer who does how will I be rewarded? Recieving a "high" paying job and work 50+ hours? No thank you. I have a dream and a plan to establish an ongoing income which does not have a linear correlation to the amount of hours I put into it. If you feel the same way as I do, I would appreciate your thoughts and feelings towards it. Actually if you disagree, I would further more like to hear your reasons for it.
What I believe it means to truely love someone. To truely love someone is to accept everything that a person is and love them for it. If absolute acceptence isn't present than it's only loving aspects of the person.
Here's a thought. Isn't it interesting that accepting something in a relationship and to settling for something in a relationship actually have the same meaning but the term "settling" has a negative connotation?
So then if someone feel like they're settling for something rather than accepting something what are they really saying? In a relationship is this a red flag for disaster? It could be.
I'm really interested in Psychology and stuff so I think about stuff related to it all the time... lol
Here's another one. For the working adult, outside of work and the internet where do we really get a chance to meet a lot of people and really get to know them on more than just a three minute conversation level?? That's why dating services are so successful.. Personally I think that most people's chances of meeting someone at work are little to none considering all the sexual harrassment issues and such going around forcing employers to tell employees to disengage themselves from personal conversations with coworkers and customers. The internet.. now this is an interesting option. A lot of people still look down on this option but the reality of it is that this may be the one salvation that people have because everyone is connected to it on so many levels and with sites operating like myspace it really makes it easy and relatively safe with minimal precautions to meet a lot of people.
Knapp's Relational Development Model and Duck's Relational Dissolution Model
The Journey Towards Intimacy
Stages in Coming Together:
Initiating
Experimenting
Intensifying
Integrating
Bonding
The first of the relational development stages occurs during a couple's initial encounter as communicators and is known as the initiating stage. In this stage, partners work to accomplish three things. They try to create a favorable initial impression; carefully observe each other for cues about personality, attitudes, and willingness to engage in further interactions; and look for ways to open communication channels. At this stage, communication tends to be cautious and topics are relatively shallow as individuals use tried-and-true opening lines and conventional formulas to initiate conversation.
If all goes well and initial evaluations are positive, a couple moves on to the experimenting stage. Here, partners search for common ground upon which to begin to build their relationship. Communication at this stage is phatic communication; that is, it consists primarily of small talk. Although the talk may be small, it is not unimportant. As Knapp points out, phatic communication uncovers topics for further conversation, gives individuals information that reduces their uncertainty about one another, and allows them to reveal their personalities. Communication at stage two is generally relaxed, uncritical, noncommittal, and somewhat ambiguous.
Most relationships stop somewhere in stage two, but others move on to the intensifying stage. Here, individuals make initial moves toward greater involvement. Self-disclosure increases, and the use of nicknames and terms of endearment becomes more common. Inclusive pronouns such as we and us begin to be used, as do tentative expressions of commitment and private symbols for shared experiences. Finally, as partners become more familiar with each other's verbal and nonverbal styles, they start to use verbal shortcuts and may even complete each other's thoughts. In this stage, satisfaction and excitement are high.
In the integrating stage, the individuals become a couple both in their own and in other's eyes. Attitudes and interests are shared, and social circles merge. As body rhythms synchronize, parners may even begin to talk and move in similar ways. Shared experiences and artifacts become personalized, and a couple can be overheard talking about "our" restaurant or "our" song. Finally, partners may exchange intimacy trophies. By wearing the other's athletic jacket or by displaying the other's picture, parners signal to the rest of the world their official status as a couple.
This perception of unity is often reinforced by friends or acquaintances who now think of the partners as halves of a whole rather than as individuals. When friends see one of the partners alone, their first question is often "Where's your other half?" Friends may show their approval or disapproval of the relationship. Whereas some people outside the relationship are supportive, it is not uncommon for others to resent the couple's new status and even to try to undermine the relationship.
For the couple, the loss of individual identity that comes with integrating may be welcome or upsetting. Knapp emphasizes the fact that [as we participate in the integration process, we are intensifying and minimizing various aspects of our total person. As a result, we may not be fully conscious of the idea but when we commit ourselves to integrating with another, we also agree to become another individual.]
With commitment often comes insecurity. An individual may wonder whether his or her partner is truly involved in the relationship and may (either consciously or subconsciously) use secret tests to measure the other's commitment. Leslie Baxter and William Wilmot discuss four of these secret test: Indirect suggestions, separation tests, endurance tests, and triangle tests.
Indirect suggestions include flirting and joking about the seriousness of the relationship. They are designed to let partners observe each other's response. If, for example, a comment on living together is greeted with laughter, this reponse shows that the relationship is not intensifying very quickly. If the comment is taken seriously, however, this response indicates that commitment is high. Separation tests let individuals see how their partners feel about being apart. It's not a good sign if one's partner doesn't even notice a week-long absence. Daily phone calls and expressions of concern, on the other hand, indicate strong commitment. Endurance tests involve making demands on the time or energy of one's partner; they show individuals just how far a partner is willing to go to maintain the relationship. Finally, individuals use triangle tests to see whether or not their partners are prone to jealousy. Although secret tests are frequently used, they are not necessarily good for a relationship, and they can easily backfire. no one likes to be manipulated, and, if discovered, secret tests can lead to defensiveness and resentment. They may seem to be an easy way to find out about the relationship, but they are no substitute for direct, open communication.
Once all tests are passed and both parties are sure of their feelings, they move on to bonding. Bonding consists of a public ritual to legitimize the relationship. Romantic couples may bond through marriage. Friends may bond by becoming "blood brothers [or sisters]" or by exchanging friendship rings. Even groups can bond, as when social clubs initiate new members. In any case, bonding rituals officially legitimize the relationship and, in not-so-subtle ways, change participants' attitudes towards and feelings about one another.
Throughout the entire journey toward intimacy, partners expand the boundaries of their relationship. According to Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor, relationships grow in breadth and depth as time progresses. To expand relational breadth, individuals progressively share more aspects of themselves and communicate about more topics. To increase relational depth, they let their partners get closer to their core identities. For Altman and Taylor, the process of relational development is a matter of social penetration.
If the relationship lasts, partners continue to share intimate ideas and emotions. If, however, the relationship cannot stand up to internal or external stresses, it gradually weakens; patterns of communication narrow and become more shallow, and the relationship starts to break apart.
Relational Dissolution StagesStages in Coming Apart:
Differentiating
Circumscribing
Stagnating
Avoiding
Terminating
In the journey toward intimacy, a couple emphasizes similarities rather than differences. In the retreat from intimacy, the opposite occurs. In the first or Differentiating stage, a couple begins to notice and comment on previously overlooked differences. Instead of using the pronouns we and us, they begin to talk about "you" and "me," "yours" and "mine." Partners discover substantial areas of disagreement, which then become major topics of conversation. Arguments may be prefaced by comments such as "I don't understand how you could possibly like her" or "I can't believe you agree with him." Overt argument and conflict are hallmarks of this stage. Knapp believes that when differentiation quickly follows bonding, bonding may have taken place too rapidly, before the partners were able to negotiate a satisfactory relational culture.
Short periods of differentiation occur in all relationships; they don't always signal the beginning of the end. By reaffirming relational goals and focusing on similarities, partners may reverse their movement away from intimacy. Sometimes, however, differentiation leads to the second stage of relational breakdown, the circumscribing stage. In this stage, members carefully restrict their communication. Certain topics are placed off limits because they are too painful. "Let's just skip it" or "I'd rather not discuss that" indicate that communication has become a minefield of potentially explosive topics. As a result, very little information is exchanged, and expressions of commitment decrease.
In a failing relationship, the next stage is the stagnating stage. This stage is characterized by silence and inactivity. Communication is infrequent, and when it does occur, it is stylized, rigid, and awkward, as though the partners were strangers. Talk may be overly formal and polite, with negative emotions being conveyed nonverbally. Partners don't bother to talk, because they believe it is useless. One might think that this uncomfortable stage cannot last long. Unfortunately, a couple may stagnate for months or even years, staying together because terminating seems too difficult, risky, or painful.
In the avoiding stage, partners separate either physically or emotionally. In a dating situation, one partner may suddenly stop answering the phone or disappear for weeks at a time. In a marriage, one spouse may spend more time at the office or visit relatives for the summer. If physical separation is impossible, couples may isolate themselves psychologically, behaving as though the other does not exist.
The final stage in relational disengagement is the terminating stage. If both parties are aware that their relationship is dissolving, termination may come as a relief. In other cases, it may be a heart-wrenching surprise. Either way, termination is the time when individuals come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over. Knapp believes that communication during this stage fulfills the three basic functions of other forms of leave-taking. It announces the upcoming separation, summarizes what has occurred during interaction, and determines the future of the relationship.
Variations in Relational Development
Keep in mind that Knapp's model is a general overview, not a specific prediction. It describes what often happens in relationships, not what inevitably happens. If you and a partner find yourselves in the differentiating stage, for example, you should not pack your bags and decide there is no hope for the relationship. Couples can turn relationships around by going back to and replaying earlier stages. If partners understand the problems they are facing, if they have basic interpersonal skills and sensitivities, and if they care enough, they can repair troubled relationships by exploring alternative forms of relating; taking on more functional roles; eliminating unhealthy interaction patterns; or searching for new ways to make the relationship rewarding.
In real life, couples do not always go through the stages together. One partner may think the relationship is at the casual, experimenting stage, whereas the other may believe the partners are ready to bond. Or one partner may be so busy at the office that he or she doesn't notice that the other partner is circumscribing.
Furthermore, not all couples take the same length of time to complete the steps, even when partners are in sync. Some couples are cautious and take a long time before risking commitment. Others rush through the early stages. This latter course is dangerous; if one of the early stages is skipped or rushed, later stages may be unstable, like a building constructed with a faulty foundation. For relationships to last, couples must work out agreements and develop healthy interaction patterns, processes that take time.
Duck's Relational Dissolution Model
In his relational dissolution model, Steve Duck looks at relational dissolution from a slighty different point of view. His model describes four kinds of work that individuals take on as they attempt to deal with a dissolving relationship. He calls these four phases the intrapsychic, dyadic, social, and grave-dressing phases. In Duck's words, the intrapsychic phase is founded "on a sense of grievance and distress at the partner's insensitivity or incapacity to fulfill one's needs adequately." The dissatisfied individual goes over and over the relationship in his or her mind, focusing on the partner's negative behavior and on the costs of staying in the relationship. The costs of leaving are also computed, as well as the possible rewards of entering alternative relationships. In this phase, the partner who is unhappy evaluates the relationship and decides whther or not to say anything. The stress here is individual rather than dyadic, as one partner decides upon his or her best course of action.
In the dyadic phase, partners confront one another. They talk about their problems, deciding whether their relationship has enough positive aspects to keep them together and, if so, finding ways to repair the damage. If the partners decide to end the relationship, they deal with people outside the relationship in the social phase, announcing the breakup, letting friends and acquaintances know their sides of the story, and dealing with others' reactions. They also negotiate the shape any future contact will take.
Finally, in the grave-dressing phase, each party determines the meaning of the couple's time together, deciding what went wrong and what went right. In a sense, each looks for a way to rationalize the relationship and decides what to remember from it. This process is important because it affects future behavior and self-respect.
Duck insists that partners need a different set of communication skills to handle each phase. Although he does not specify in great detail what these skills are, it is possible to speculate about some of them. The abilities to think clearly and to interpret one's own feelings and behaviors, as well as those of one's partner, seem to be basic skills needed in the intrapsychic phase. Often, relationships dissolve because partners lack empathy or because they have unrealistic expectations. Relational dissolution can be extremely stressful, and the intervention of a third party (a therapist or objective friend) can often help an individual clarify his or her feelings and percieve the situation more objectively.
In the dyadic, phase, the couple needs good negotiation and conflict resolution skills. To work out their difficulties, they must discuss the relationship openly without offending one another and without repressing their feelings. The ability to give straightforward feedback and to disclose personal feelings honestly is important here. In the social and grave-dressing phases, still wider skills are needed as partners communicate the news of the breakup to friends and acquaintances, reformulate their social circles, and come to understand how the relationship has affected them and how it will affect future interactions.
Other thoughts, ideas and advice:
We are a product of our environment, biology and our level of conscience awareness.
Age has little to do with maturity.
Using satire can take power away from many ugly issues such as racism.
When giving someone bad news, always start it off by stating at least two positive things about them or the subject.
How do you tell the difference between flirting and hitting on?
It's physically harder to hold a frown than it is to hold a smile. This is because it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile.
No one knows exactly what love is!
Stress management is an essential to efficient time management.
Not everyone has the same implicit rules so define them.
There's a lesson to be learned in all experiences; good and bad.
Not everyone has the same definition of words and concepts.
Smiling actually releases chemicals in your body that make you feel happier.
What are your coping mechanisms?
Learning to love someone as your own blood will make you wiser.
To become a better communicator, you have to become an even greater listener.
Isn't it interesting that asians tend to look young for their age? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that so many of them include tea in their diet daily and most teas are an antioxidant.
Where's the line between self-confidence and cockiness.
Laughter is one of the best workouts you can do for your body daily.
Practice things that you consider are your weakness and turn them into strengths.
Most asians are lactose intolerant because the asian race was introduced to dairy the latest and so their systems have not built the same immunity that other races have.
With comfort comes a sense of security.
Getting sunlight everyday maybe an essential part of good health in order to obtain Vitamin D.
Do not be selfish. Learn to find more pleasure in pleasing then in being pleased.
One must first learn to be dependent before learning to be interdependent.
People tend to put the wants and needs of their friends before their own family because they subconsciously know that their family will always be there but their friends wont, but is this really a wise decision?
Successful relationships are built on standards set together, not by others.
Synergy... a mutually advantageous conjunction or compatibility of distinct business participants or elements. Learning what it means and trying to practice it everyday has had a healthy impact on my life.
Sugar isn't the direct cause of cavities. So all of you, who had parents that told you that, either knowingly lied to you or were themselves lied to and never learned otherwise. What causes cavities?? The natural bacteria which, feeds on the food particles left in your mouth, release a form of acid as waste and that acid is what decays your teeth.
To know true happiness you must also know true sadness.
It is said that in order to get over a relationship, one must spend about half the amount of the total time spent in the relationship. I don't believe this to be true because the effect a relationship has on a person over time is not linear
Contact Me:
I am an extremely open person so if you have any questions or would just like to chat or maybe ask for advice whether it be life in general or more specific such as relationships or the process of doing something feel free to send me a message, hit me up on my email account [email protected] You see I can be like the Visa Mastercard, "Everywhere you want to be"! So you're only a question away from knowing the answers you seek. Oh and hey, if you're wondering why I haven't called you... it's either because I'm really busy, you haven't given me your number yet or I owe you money and so am directly ignoring you and your calls.
Thanks for taking the time to read about me! My page is under constant revision because I like to update it by adding information about me as often as I can so check in from time to time and let me know what you think or to share with me your thoughts or ideas.
Oh and one more thing. When it comes to alcohol and people say they're a light weight it's usually not as bad as me. People always find it amusing to get Shinichi drunk. That's me on the floor with the purple hat on.
I got "knocked the fuck out!!" X_X