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♥ My name is ™Jordan™
♥I do epic shit.
♥I am 18 years old and go to ASTATE..majoring in Psychology.
♥I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, music. it's my vice and what gets me through.
♥People always steal my idea. Like, penis in vagina sex. yep that was MY idea!!!
okay really this wasn't even my idea..
♥I love to mosh. (Sorry if I give you a black eye, am pushed into you with great force, slip in front of you while you're escorting someone over the crowd, slap you with my hair while head banging, and/or scream in your ear louder than any amp out there.
♥I understand how scissors can beat paper. And I can get how a rock can beat paper. But there's no fucking way paper can beat rock. Is paper suppose to magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? SCREW SCISSORS! Why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they take notes in class? I'll tell you why! Because paper can't beat anybody. A rock would tear that shit up in two seconds. When I play rock paper scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper, I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "oh shit, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you ASSHOLE!"
♥I like laughing for no particular reason at all...I mean, it's better to laugh at nothing than to cry about everything..I laugh more than any normal, semi-average person. and have 5bazillion different kind of laughs to top it off.
♥I'm ambidextrous
♥I'm probably hungry
♥I embrace those who love me and whom I love. I rid myself of those who bring me down.
♥My life has a superb cast, but I can't figure out the plot..
♥I live rather than exist.
♥I LOVE photography
♥Mean people suck
♥I enjoy randomness
♥I love to dance
♥I LOVE movie night.
♥I like to think about the world in a different way than everyone else. My opinions will make ya mouth drop :-)
♥My intentions are seemingly disguised. it just happens that way.
♥I enjoy debating
MyHotComments
QUOTES:
Time is never time at all. You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth. And our lives are forever changed. We will never be the same. The more you change the less you feel.--Tonight Tonight by The Smashing Pumpkins
As life gets longer, awful feels softer, and it feels pretty soft to me. And if it takes shit to make bliss, well I feel pretty blissfully.--Modest Mouse
So, which neighbors said they saw it?--Lacey<
Uhh, well you walk out the front door and it's the neighbors to our left.--Me
It's not the guy we used to throw our weekends into his lawn, was it?--Lacey
No..Not that one--Me
Did that smucker just smit my snar--Ashli
You little snit, I'll slit your mom's throat--Lacey
My mom's a kitten and your mom's a whore--Lacey
Let me know when you're going to take it ((referring to a picture being taken)) and I'll say something funny--Xaver
Okay, I'm taking it.--Mom
Niggers stink--Xaver
Dude, remember that time we got caught by your dad?--Lacey
Yeah. You tried to act like you took a three hour long bath.--Me.
What up doe--Jerry
What is up, though?--Me
That made my day!--Meghan
I want a baaaaaaby--Lacey
Where's Graham?--Lacey
Oh, he died--Me
((5 minutes later..Graham comes out of the shower...))
Awe hey, what's up lacey and ashli--Graham
I thought you died--Me
What if the word "lake" was the word "desert" and the word "desert" was the word "lake". It'd be like hey, let's go swim in the desert. Or, what if the word swing meant car and car meant swing?--Ashli
I love carring--Lacey
Let's go ride around in the swing--Me.
Let's go dig in the trash for some food--Me
Or, yeah, what if trash meant like something good. like, steak and homeless people ate steak and we ate trash--Ashli
((At the same time)) I'd want to be homeless--Me and Lacey
Dude, I want a nice tender steak with A1 sauce right now.--Me
I can make really good steaks. I'll make you one, one day if you'd like--Lacey
How can a virgin like you bring me joy?--Sweetness Sweetness
That riff is bliss--Me
Have you ever been so deep in thought that you get depressed?--Dustin
OH MY GOSH! It's all in your hair--Cat
Don't say that. You'll make it worse for her--Me.
Oh dang. Nevermind. That's just how your hair is.--Cat
OH MY GOSH! That's even meaner than telling her..ugh nevermind...--Me.
Oh..--Cat
Now, what do I do?--Vincent
I don't know.--Lance
WHAT!? You don't know! She's dying on me, man.--Vincent
I don't know. Just, give her the shot.--Lance
I'm not giving her the shot. You give her the shot--Vincent.
I'm not giving her the shot.--Lance
Well, I'm not giving her the shot--Vincent
Look, you brought her here. That means YOUR gonna give her the shot. The day I bring an OD'ing bitch to your house then I give her the shot.--Lance
((On the phone with my mom, riding around with the girls)) Mom, dude, it's okay we're just gonna' crash.--Me
((in the background)) I hope we don't crash--Lacey
OMGSH!!! Ya'll be quite! Caleb's callin' and I told him we were watching a movie--Emily
((We're riding around, in the country. of course there's no service))
Tell him we have a tin roof, so, there's no "good service"--Lacey
Uhh yeah. Ashli has a tin roof so I can't hear you that well. But, we're all depressed so we're watching Titantic--Emily
WTF!!!--Me
OK. Well, call me when the movie is over. love you. bye--Caleb
Dude, I swear to God. This curve up here, I was going like, 90 around it. And, once I got around the curve, I saw a cop and I was like "OH SHIT!".--Ashli
((long pause))
Is that the end of the story?--Me
Yeah--Ashli
OMG! You just ran a red light!!!--Me
That's a stop sign, bitch!--Ashli.
((I spilled beer in the backseat. Emily, Lacey, and I are laughing super hard. Ashli has no idea.)
Dude. The one thing I ask is to not get ashes in my car and don't spill beer in my seat--Ashli
And, if you did. Just let me know. I won't be mad.--Ashli.
((Lacey's on the phone with her mom. Lacey doesn't want her mom knowing we smoke.))
((Ashli wants a cigarette which Emily is carrying.))
((Mouths)) Give me a cigarette.--Ashli
What?--Emily
((Mouths)) Give me a cigarette--Ashli.
OH!!! You need a cigarette!!!!--Emily.
SSSSSSHHHHHHHH!--Ashli
Oh. ooops. I mean you need a carrot?--Emily
Chase: dont ever say that again with people around
Me: Why? Who all was there?
Chase: Kelli... and Jesse... and that little fat girl.
Do you honestly think that that soggy ass cereal that's been in the refreigerator all day is going to appeal to you?--Jennifer
Is that "num num"--Chase
Huh?--Me
Is that "num num"?--Chase
What?--Me
It's kinda like "googy".--Chase
OH! OKAY! Yeah.--Me
Only the good die young and well I am great so I will live forever-James
Dude, ya'll, listen to this, I went to spray my tires off because well they get hot and they grind on me and these people pulled up beside me, smoking weed. I mean, I smelled it.--Ashli
It smelled like a fart--Me
It smelled like my mom's heart--Lacey
OMG. I crack myself up. I love me.--Me
I love you--Chase
I love me too. and you. you more than me. but I love me a lot. but I still love you more. Although I do love me a lot.--Me
I just sing what I feel.It's about life. You get hurt, you get happy.--Bobby Blue Band
So, what's going on in your life? sex, drugs, and rock n' roll?--Chaos
No sex, no drugs, but enough rock n' roll to make up for the abandoned activities because music makes me feel orgasmic and high.--Me
Dude, look at the moon. Do you see the man in the moon, right there kinda in the middle?--Chase
Oh my gosh, yes, I see it. That's so cool. It looks like an old man embryo.--Me
An old man embryo?--Chase
Yes, I said it. If an old man were an embryo, that's what it would look like.--Me.
That's one of those stoner things that I'm going to have to remember to tell my kids.--Chase
You've been sitting there like a prune on a raisen--Me
I just want to hit her in the face with a ping pong paddle and laugh and then play ping pong...because I got hit in the arm with one once and that thing hurt and I just KNOW it would hurt her face--Meghan
Chase, would you please stop that--Me
What fish?--Chase
What fish?...What the hell are you talking about?--Me
I AIN'T been smokin'--Chase
You have to been smokin'?--Me
I ain't smokin' no rolled up fish, man--Chase
I've had a lot of foreshadowing lately, that I'm going to die of colon cancer--Me
Well it's probably because you only shit once a month. Go out and get your colon cleansed, take some x-lax, or eat a damn wicker chair, I don't give a damn, just shit--Chase
For the life of me, I cannot believe we'd ever die for these fins, we were nearly fish (making up my own lyrics to freshman)--Me
Hey Peyton, will you do me a favor--Chase
Yeah, what is it?--Peyton
Go downstairs and get the lawnmower and bring it upstairs. Not the pushmower either. Bring the ridin' mower.--Chase
I love Jesus. And pre-marital sex!!!--Meghan
Sometimes, I wish I was a paperclip--Lacey
(included in Lacey's persuasive essay against drunk driving) Not only do humans get killed by drunk drivers, babies do too--Lacey
Hey Jordan. Do you know what your door said to me when I walked by it?--Seth
What's that, Seth?--Me
It said "I want to sip my own head and drink all of the blood from your brain--Seth at 5 years old.
You make my butt want to dip a snuff--Mom
I had to go to the emergency room this morning. My left arm was hurtin' so bad, so I took two blue xanax. Well, they x-rayed the wrong arm and I didn't even realize it. The nurses were like "well it don't feel tender" and I said "because that's the wrong dang arm".--Connie
(Chase was about to make a sandwich. He had two pieces of bread laid out. He turned his back and in the meantime "New Kitty" (we haven't named her yet so that is it's name) sniffed his bread.)
You stupid fuckin' cat--Chase (and hits it with his paper plate)
You know, Curiosity killed the cat and I'm thinkin real seriously about changin my name to Curiosity--Chase
Where do we want to eat?--Jennifer
We could eat at Mc. Donalds--Mom
Heck no. We have a Mc. Donalds in Newport. I don't care where we eat just as long as it doesn't exist in Newport. It can be Chucky Cheese Fried Chicken for all I care.--Jennifer
Maybe the atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman--Unknown
Nooo, not my liiiiid--Mom (long story, ask about it, it's quite hilarious)
OH MY GOSH! YOU'RE OLD!--Chase (talking to his mom!)
Oh my gosh, I'm old, they're classifying Pearl Jam as classic rock now--Chase
How much o'clock is it?--Seth
Dude, it's like the blair which project out here!--Travis
FUCK I don't have a camera!--Jett
Smell my knee--Cash
Chupacabra!!!--Travis
I'm tired of gettin' dicks on my phone!!!--Veronica
Do you remember when God made it rain frogs?--Another one of Ethan's random outbursts
Ol' skillet bowl head--That dude from school that cusses out random people and likes to fight girls
That time when Murphy Birdsong almost got killed--Chase's Nana
Well, Murphy Birdsong ain't dead--Chase's mom
I know he ain't dead. I said when he ALMOST got killed--Chase's nana
MURPHY'S DEAD!?!?!--Chase's pa
I need more to drink...because...I've had too much--Chelsea
What the hell? You hit my mexi-melt!--Chase
I've come to the realization that I have a learning disability--yet, another, one of Ethan's random moments
My mind is like a CD, sometimes it plays fine, and sometime it skips like SHIT!!!--The ashes go everywhere due to Ethan
(Me and Chase are playing "Battle of the Sexes")
If a surfer is wearing "steamers", what is he wearing?--Chase
Like a cup, like a penis cup?--Me
How are you gonna put a baked bean lid in my seat?--Chase
(In line at Walmart. Two dudes in front of us are talking and one says to the other: "Ay man, you know a guy named Daryl?")
Do you know JESUS!?--Meghan rudely, but incredibly butting in
(Holding a bottle of "Liquid Wart Remover")
Does this stuff remove genital warts? I'm going to ask someone--Meghan
Often, it's the most deserving people who cannot help loving those who destroy them.
I, myself, are made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.--Augusten Burroughs
These ants are becoming an asshole in my life--Meghan
Is that your car?--Meghan, asking some random black girl at the gas station
Yee--Random black girl
Congratulations. I like it. It's white, like ME!--Meghan
Do hookers get mail?--Cody (MANY FUNNIES)